To ask how many of you married for money?

I had a friend who was a carer to an elderly man with mobility issues. She married him and he died a few months later leaving her very comfortable. His children were really angry but could do nothing as it was all legal. She was a very merry widow 😂

Is that still even a thing? Do people still do that?

In reality the very wealthy move
in the same circles and marry each other. I witnessed this when I did private client work for the wealthy. Which makes sense really.

The days of a wide eyed working class secretary being pivoted into unimaginable wealth are long gone.

If he's very wealthy, very old and with one foot already in the grave I'd say go for it. Your prostituting yourself but if you prefer that to poverty that's your choice!

Marrying someone for money can turn out to be the most comfortable loving relationship and marrying for love can be a soul destroying emotional rollercoaster of a relationship. Whether they have money or not, it's about mutual love and respect. A lot of the posters think that marrying for love means a 30 yo marrying a 85 yo man for money.

To answer your question, I've done both. First was for love and i was absolutely destroyed in that relationship and taken for granted. I worked so hard and gave so much of myself to make the marriage work for a walking red flag of a man. The second one wasn't for money but I I was with someone who was very
very ambitious and since the marriage he has become extremely successful and wealthy and we call it our wealth . It's nice to have the choice to be a sahm or not and spend without looking at your bank account.

Finding a partner who's compatible in terms of financial/material goals and ambition is a completely different thing to "marrying for money".

As you presumably know, if you have family wealth - I imagine you were wary of men who seemed to be pursuing you for that alone, as distinct from men who wanted a wife with similar financial ambitions to theirs.

In my particular case, the offending party is amoral.
I was his third wife.
I was not his mistress.
It didn’t take him long to acquire a mistress.
I believe he’s on his fifth wife.
I feel as though that was my failure, somehow.
I just can’t figure out how.

Yeah, my dad has put his family wealth in trust so that no SIL can do well out of his daughter.

I'm seeing so many posts in this thread about how important financial stability is and how money makes everything more comfortable. Yes... and what I don't understand is why the answer to this seems to be to find a man and become dependent on him, rather than to MAKE THE MONEY YOURSELF if it's so crucial. That seems more like financial stability to me - you have the money but also control over it because it's yours.

I wouldn't have been interested in a long term relationship with a man who lacked the same ambition and earning potential as me. I've never wanted to be, and never have been, financially dependant on a man. I don't want a man to depend on me.

I wish I could - but only because I’ve never had much money and life is difficult - but we make it through. But I know I value personality and character over everything. What I love about me and my partner now is that there is so much potential, we are both ambitious and hopefully we can make smart choices along the way. We arnt money oriented at all, but we do encourage eachother in our careers and have open conversations about where we need to be to afford x or live in x area.

Finland always comes top of nations in terms of happiness. The Finns, themselves, always contest this. They say that what they have, and what they aim for, is contentment. They believe Contentment is superior to Happiness and, furthermore, is what is achievable.
You already have a DC, so that's a basic-life-achievement you don't necessarily need to chase after (I mean, in the sense of women having, often, a greater need/desire to have a child). Also, I haven't picked up how old you are? Because this may/will have a bearing on what is your heart's desire - and that can change as we age. So, what I guess I'm saying is: are you of an age/mind-set where falling deeply in love is the sine qua non; or are you moving into a space where loving friendship and deep companionship seems more attractive?
These are the more important arguments, it seems to me, than marrying for money per se.
In a bargain (e.g. a marriage contract) you have to show up & do your bit. I can imagine it would be the worst of all contracts to marry in bad faith, then be regretful & resentful that your spouse was not also your beloved, for the rest of your days.

@BountifulPantry and a skirt I bought in 2017!

Keeping an item of clothing for 8 years is fairly normal, and not a long time at all. The only exceptions would be stuff like shoes, socks, and underwear, which are prone to becoming worn out more quickly.

We married not long after graduating and didn't have two beans to rub together. The thing is about marrying for money is what do you bring to the table?

I work in a sector with lots of hnw individuals and their partners are similar to them. Money attracts money and rich people are always looking to increase their wealth and connections. They tend to socialise in similar circles so are more likely to attract another hnw individual.

Well she did , kudos to her. It still wasn't funny.

@JHound I don’t think that’s true. I know plenty of pleasant women who struggle to find dates.

I don't see how that's possible. Any woman who is pleasant and approaches men will find that many of those men will take a mutual interest in her.

Even on a dating app (where personalities are not as visible), I think if these women were to swipe right on every man's profile, they would surely find they are getting at least a few matches each month.

I wouldn’t marry for money. I don’t think it’s conducive to a happy life.

but then I’m not materialistic. Just been to work in a jacket I got for £5 off Vinted, a polo top I got for £4 from the charity shop and a skirt I bought in 2017!

Not if there is no spark or physical attraction there.

I could have married someone well off with huge earning potential but I called it off as I just didn’t fancy him. I couldn’t do it - the thought of having to have sex with him made me recoil - it was awful. He wasn’t even unattractive- just something didn’t fit. I convinced myself for a while that he was growing on me but nope. We were the best of friends but he felt more like a brother to me in the end.

I still have dreams that I’m with him or married to him and I wake up with relief that I’m married to my husband now. He earns less than me but the spark and emotional connection is there and I wouldn’t change that for more money.

I married for love. It was a mistake tbh.

Well, yes, I think I did in a way. I wanted to pick someone who I thought would be able to support me and our future children. I wouldn't have married DH if he hadn't had good job prospects (and relatively well-off middle class parents!).

I don’t think that’s marrying for money, OP. I think that’s “settling”. I couldn’t marry for money. But I wouldn’t judge anyone for “settling”. There are too many posts on here by women who have married or had DC with someone because of the phwar factor, but the man has turned out to be the biggest dick. If you feel safe and he’s funny, I think that’s OK, whether he has money or not.

And me 😂 I had the chance and gave it up for “love”.

Not me. The opposite, really. Married a lovely unambitious man. He's since outperformed expectations, and earns almost as much as me.

I'd never have dreamed of it as a young woman but wouldn't hold back now though in the same situation.

I didn't. I love my husband to bits and money wasn't a part of that package. 🤣

But wouldn't think twice about it if i were in that situation now. With certain caveats.

I wouldn't ever get together with a guy I didn't like, or couldn't stand, for money.

Or a complete arsehole.

But if a decent guy I got on with and liked came with financial security, so much the better. I wouldn't choose money over love though, if it were a choice. Because a man with money is attractive to some women and he might just use his freedom to move on. 😬

0 judgement. Please note I only read your first post, no replies. I think if you have found a man you can be content with, then go for it. But he has to be enough for your whole life. Don't leave the second your babies are of age. Don't waste someone else time when they could be building everything with someone who truly wants a whole life with them.

I think it was definitely a factor in deciding to marry my exH. We knew we wanted to have a family and I wanted to know that I could be a sahm if I chose to.

This is an interesting one. When I met my ex husband we earned similar amounts, fast forward marriage, two redundancies (mine) and a child he was a very high earner, me doing mediocre jobs to fit childcare. Big house, big lifestyle but totally miserable. Workaholic avoidant husband who did exactly as he pleased. I was totally tied to childcare, house and home because he worked away, he claimed all spare time for his hobby and controlled the finances. I lived on the same amount of 'pocket money' for twenty years.

When I finally got the courage to get out, the backlash from family and 'friends' was immense. I was told I was mad giving up the lifestyle or awful for fighting for my share. I ended up in therapy because I felt so bad.

High earners aren't always good spouses. They may never be around or controlling arses. My marriage was an artic wasteland of loneliness. Looked great from the outside though.