To ask how many of you married for money?

We can’t choose who we fall in love with. But online dating allows us to choose who we meet. I think if I was ever to be looking online for a new man and possible future husband I would take their money into consideration. If there were two equally appealing men but one had more money, I would choose him. I can’t see a good reason to choose the one with less money.

Would that be marrying for money? I think it would be in a way. But I wouldn’t marry someone solely for their money, no more than I would try to befriend someone because they were wealthy.

What does HE want from a marriage to you OP?
Is he in love with you?
Do you have sex / expect sex in the marriage?
Do you have a solid friendship?

In short what does he want from you in a marriage?

Never heard that before but it’s so true!

Actually I did have my son with someone I considered perfect - definitely makes raising them easier. Sadly his dad didn’t want to marry me.

I do think things change after mid life. It’s really hard to find someone with spark when life has rubbed off all the interesting edges.

God I wish I’d heard that 20 years ago.

I am reminded of the quotation: " Never marry a man unless you would be delighted to have a son exactly like him".

Have some self respect

Okidoke!

I think it depends upon being married before, and also your age. If you want a partner ( and not everyone does) the older you get the less men there are to choose from! This man sounds lovely, very much like mine and I'm looking to the future with a man that satisfies me, but I'm not 'in love' with. If you think you'd enjoy retirement with him, go for it I say

When I got married young, I had someone scoff at me that I'd married for money. When I hesitated they then scoffed that I'd married for LURVE then they supposed...

I'd married a guy from a well off family because I loved him but she was clearly not going to let me have either as an acceptable answer.

"Actually, I married him because he has a huge penis" was the answer I gave. She has no answer for that!

People marry for all sorts of reasons. Money can disappear very easily. Others would argue so can love. I don't think money should be the only reason. I think they need to make you happy too otherwise it will just cause resentment. I don't think I could marry without love of some kind even if it wasn't a sexual relationship but if you're okay with that and so is the groom then great.

I had plenty of opportunity to marry for money and could have done quite easily - but I could only marry for love.

I'd rather be independent and self-sufficient personally - but that's just me.

I know a number of friends who have married for money - with their big houses and plentiful holidays and designer this and that ... but they don't laugh so much and I wonder if they're truly happy.

There was just the one that got away, that now happens to be rather rich, but then I'm not sure he's even all that any more ... I'm happy with my lot.

Money isn't the highest factor on my agenda - I think I went initial attraction, personality, trust and then worked out the rest as we went along ... 'together!'

Not entirely. Although that did figure in the appeal. I wanted to be a sahm and this allowed me to. Nice house. Zero worries. 4 kids as well. Paradise. Then he had an affair and we divorced. Which worked out well as I got the marital home, a huge amount in capitalised spousal maintenance, a big chunk in monthly maintenance and a decent pension. So it’s worked well. Now he sees the girls every other weekend and I live a lovely life me and the girls. 🤷🏼‍♀️

No, but if I married again it would definitely be a factor

I wouldn’t marry for money but I also wouldn’t marry someone who didn’t have a strong work ethic or I knew would struggle to earn a decent wage (and by decent I mean above minimum wage and above average wage I guess). I was brought up by a mum on low income who married someone who often didn’t work and when he did, it was very low income. It was a hard childhood and one I didn’t want for my future or future children.

I’ve been married over 20 years. We didn’t have money when we go together but we both had careers and we knew while we would never be high earners, we were in careers that should earn ok. 20+ years later we both work and earn pretty well (combined gross of about £85,000 do by many on here not that great but well above national average).

Nope. DH was on minimum wage when we met and married.

However he now runs his own business, earns 4x what I do and is very generous with it

I nearly did, after years of struggling and suddenly being offered the world. It was tempting, it really was! But in the end I realised I just couldn’t do it, nice guy but I didn’t love him 🤷🏼‍♀️ so I called it all off with 6 months to go. He understood and we stayed friends for many years (drifted apart now) He even supported me (as a friend, not financially) when I chose to have children on my own. I struggled massively as a single parent and was always broke and sometimes I wonder how different things could have been….but then I knew I made the right decision. Now my kids are late teens I’m finally beginning to have a bit more spare cash for myself and I did it the right way. But I can see why some do marry for money.

Yup I did.
i watched my mum as a youngster be with my step dad - who she loved . And obviously before that my dad. We had no money, life was basically shite.

But she loved them. She’s old now (almost 80) with nothing.
I grew up thinking that I wasn’t living like that.

I made the decision young to not let love cloud my judgement of a good life.

older men can marry much younger women purely for their looks and sexual wants. Why can’t I marry an older man for financial security? You both know it’s not true love but you mutually benefit so if you’re ok with that, I don’t see the issue. I don’t think I could marry a man for purely money if he genuinely was in love with me however.

Whenever people said “money doesn’t buy happiness” my mother would reply “but you can be miserable in comfort.”

You would think, but some on here seem to think that financial compatibility being a consideration when it comes to dating/marriage is ‘marrying for money’, and that instead of being one factor, it must be the only one.

I wish someone had sat me down in my 20's and spelled out the implications of being the breadwinner. It might have shaped my dating decisions differently. I love my successful career and I love my DH but financial inequality in the relationship isn't easy to navigate and nearly 30 years on, it still is the main source of tension between us.

I mean it’s definitely very possible.

Approaching a man may get you laid but most men are picky about who they will date long term.

As I said I know plenty of pleasant women who are terminally single.

I’ll also not sure about the dating app thing either and it does depend on the woman. Once again you may find initial matches but a lot of men select from their matches. So the woman finds she has “disappearing matches”. Then once again when you remove the men who would have sex with you but nothing more than that, a lot of women don’t get many matches either.

I am sure many do but it’s really not true for all women.

id guess you were the next course before he got bored

Have neither in my relationship, we are clinging on as in our late 50's.

No!?!. Good for some, I guess.

Predatory marriage is the new perfect crime. No capacity checks on marriage. The marriage revokes the will you just stop them making a new will voila as spouse you get the lot on death if they have no kids £322k plus half the remainder if the person has children.