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Original poster

Called out colleague in team meeting

214 replies

Vergus · 23/04/2025 19:38

I have a colleague, let’s call her Sophie. I’ve worked with her for 5 years, albeit not in the same workstream. We only come together for an all-teams meeting, which usually takes place online. For some reason she dislikes me. Whenever I speak up in the team meeting I can see her sniggering and laughing and typing to her friend. It only happens to me. Today was so obvious. She was pulling weird gurney faces (when you try not to laugh and are violently suppressing it.)

She has no reason to be threatened by me - I am below her on the professional rung, I am 10 yrs older than her, I have never done anything that might offend or provoke her. The team manager and other colleagues think highly of her. She is very driven, and has excellent relationships with others. And yet she has clearly decided to target me.

I’ve put up with this shit for years and today I had enough. I could see her laughing away in the screen - I’d only been speaking 2 mins. I said - “anyway, I can see Sophie laughing so I’m going to shut up now.” She then blustered on with something like - “no, I didn’t know what we were discussing - the data or the finance aspect.” I explained what I’d done again very briefly and then said “but that’s me done, I’m done,” and then my agenda item was over. By this point I could see the messaging was still going on between her and her mate but no more laughing.

I turned off my camera and within seconds a message popped up from her. “Are you ok Vegas? You’ve disappeared! You are very articulate.”

I haven’t replied. I am not sure I should. I am fed up with her making me feel bad, and then not having the fucking courage to own it but texting me separately to smooth things over and get me on side. I believe she wants me to say “yes, I’m fine!” but fuck it, I’m not, because I’m not done, and I’m actually quite upset. I am a 43 yr old woman who feels like she’s being picked on in the school playground. I can see her visibly sniggering at me - it’s gone on for years. And no one else notices (mostly men who don’t notice tbh) but today I just had enough. I want her to leave me alone

OP posts:
InSpainTheRain · 23/04/2025 20:34

Well done on calling her out. I'd not say anything to her, don't reply to her message. Just see how she is next time you speak - you may have "fixed" her attitude, so I'd give her a change to change her ways before I did anything else. If it hasn't changed I would quietly mention it to my line manager and ask them to observe at the next team meeting.

Americano75 · 23/04/2025 20:33

Stupid little girl, good for you for marking her card. Bet she doesn't do it again! @

Cakeandusername · 23/04/2025 20:33

Good for you. I wouldn’t reply. Next call if she starts again I’d say same again. Keep a note for your own records if it escalates further.

AffIt · 23/04/2025 20:33

I worked with somebody like this once who had a bit of a reputation for being a 'smiling assassin'.

She tried it on me, but unfortunately I am quite combative and quite happy to allow others to fuck about and find out.

As I was presenting, she was clearly sniggering and typing away, so I stopped what I was doing and essentially very politely asked her to share the joke with the class (thanks to my teacher aunt for that tactic).

Of course, she couldn't and ended up spluttering and red-faced.

Now, this isn't quite the same situation, as I was senior and was then able to have a fairly full and frank conversation with her and her manager about expected levels of professionalism, but I do agree that twats like that need to be dealt with, because it's bullying, no matter how 'low level'.

OP, don't respond to the message, but do have a word with your manager or a sympathetic senior: I guarantee that you're not the only one unhappy with this behaviour.

Duckyfondant · 23/04/2025 20:32

I agree with some others, film the meeting next time. Otherwise you do risk sounding a bit neurotic

PotolKimchi · 23/04/2025 20:30

Don't reply. The next time she does that, pause and say, "oh gosh, sorry Sophie, did you want to clarify something- I wasn't sure why you were laughing- please do let me know if you're having any trouble following what I was discussing about XYZ and I'll be happy to go over it with you."
This makes it clear that you are giving her an out (she was laughing out of embarrassment), makes it clear you have clocked the laughing, and then you have attributed it to a motive that makes her look bad, aka she's too incompetent to follow what you were saying.

blueshoes · 23/04/2025 20:27

Can you put a marker with your manager? Be factual. Explain Sophie's undermining behaviour to you in the past and why you had to do what you did. Your manager does not have to do anything, but you should get to him/her before Sophie does directly or indirectly through her manager or the grapevine. Just say you will keep your manager updated if this escalates.

I don't want Sophie to paint you as emotional and oversensitive with management. Now that she knows you called her out, she might start to pre-emptively defend herself.

Sorry you have to deal with such a spiteful person.

Middlechild3 · 23/04/2025 20:25

Vergus · 23/04/2025 19:56

I nearly typed out a reply……and then didn’t. I think the fact that she messaged me directly afterwards gave her away. She is worried about her professional image and is very much about preserving that image with management. I am not a combative person so it actually took a lot for me to say that in front of everyone. I just think it’s such mean girl behaviour, I would never do this and yet when she is publicly called out she doesn’t know how to respond

Don't, your silence will speak volumes.

MissMoneyFairy · 23/04/2025 20:23

Don't respond to her message, like ppl suggest any future meetings are recorded visually and audio. Speak to your manager.

YourLoyalPlumOP · 23/04/2025 20:22

Oh my gosh!!! Well done you in standing up for yourself!!! ❤️❤️❤️

EmeraldRoulette · 23/04/2025 20:22

Don't reply to the message

next time she pulls faces in a meeting, I'd pause and say "do share the joke"
and smile sweetly

is her line manager ever in these meetings?

ladyofshertonabbas · 23/04/2025 20:20

This is inspirational. Great going, will channel you in similar situations

KateShugakIsALegend · 23/04/2025 20:20

For future calls with her I suggest you say:

'I'm just going to start recording this call now, assume no-one minds, it's so I can refer back'

MounjaroMounjaro · 23/04/2025 20:19

Do you have any friends within the group that you could confide in?

MounjaroMounjaro · 23/04/2025 20:19

I wouldn't reply either, but next time she does it, I'd say the same thing but add "again". If she speaks to you in private, just say, "You must think nobody notices what you're doing, pulling faces and writing little messages whenever I speak, but you'd be wrong. Other people do notice." Then leave it at that and never explain who the other people are. She's a bully and the only way to stop it is for her to think other people have noticed.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 23/04/2025 20:15

Did nobody else react to what you said?

HunnyPot · 23/04/2025 20:12

Don’t reply. I had a colleague email me an apology after I called her out. I ignored it and found out later it drove her crazy!

Original poster
Vergus · 23/04/2025 20:07

I actually think she’s a bully - albeit a seemingly “polite” one. At our Christmas do one of my lovely lady colleagues turned to talk to one of the seniors and Sophie suddenly leant forward watching her senior with this strange, intent look on her face and smirking at the same time as if to judge his reaction to their conversation and make a silent point. Almost a “well this will be a fun conversation,” kind of look.

I clocked it but my nice colleague didn’t (she was a bit tipsy and therefore a bit vulnerable.) How dare she pick on people like this? She never does it “up” only “down,” so this kind of subtle but upsetting behaviour to colleagues below her position it seems

OP posts:
Overtheatlantic · 23/04/2025 20:06

“Sophie, do you want to add anything?” But yes, let her sweat.

MoreChocPls · 23/04/2025 20:06

Ignore her. But good for calling out the cow.

PaperHatter · 23/04/2025 20:06

It has been a long time since I was in a bitchy office but when you say typing to her friend, is this on a work computer and to a work colleague? If yes she is on very dodgy ground because you could request a SAR in future which would probably cover those messages. My sister raised a grievance with her boss and did a SAR, it was eye opening what she had written about her both on Slack and in emails to her mate who also worked there.

thistimelastweek · 23/04/2025 20:05

Vergus · 23/04/2025 19:56

I nearly typed out a reply……and then didn’t. I think the fact that she messaged me directly afterwards gave her away. She is worried about her professional image and is very much about preserving that image with management. I am not a combative person so it actually took a lot for me to say that in front of everyone. I just think it’s such mean girl behaviour, I would never do this and yet when she is publicly called out she doesn’t know how to respond

Bullies thrive on silence. Last thing they want is their bullying ways to be exposed.

Let her sweat. Don't reply and I bet its the last time you have to put up with this.

Vaxtable · 23/04/2025 20:04

Well done. And just keep on doing it

IstayhomeonFridaynight · 23/04/2025 20:04

Well done, she sounds toxic.

If she's shitty enough to start the sniggering thing again, you should call attention to her again - 'Sophie did you have a question? No, I thought you were saying something'.

I totally get how some men just don't pick up on stuff like this.

TeenLifeMum · 23/04/2025 20:01

Sending support - I could have written this one my Sophie has moved to a different target after I gave 0 attention to her nonsense. Well done for calling her out. Next step… indifference. She’s a twat, don’t give her any more headspace.

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