Called out colleague in team meeting

This.

She's messaged you to try and appease you because she's worried that you've finally decided not to take that shit.

If you don't, it may embolden her, and you won't be able to use this incident to show its part of a pattern. Cover your arse.

I would say to your manager that you don't necessarily want action at this point, you just want to see how things go and hope that it resolves the situation. But equally if it happens again in future, you have this to fall back on as evidence.

Is she actually called Sophie? I had a manger called Sophie around the same age who was very much like this! Had climbed the ladder very quickly and seemed well liked but was a mean girl. Some people would say behind her back that she was horrible but then act very pally with her, so I wonder just how well liked she was, maybe people were fearful to be on the wrong side of her.

Your IT team should be able to review their messages if this was on Teams.

@Butterflyfern I doubt this is true tbh. If the men are really that oblivious to have not noticed the sniggering then they'll probably have already forgotten your comment tbh.

Incredible. The OP is a woman, and she wrote a post about a female colleague. Nothing was mentioned about men, and there was no indication that any men were involved.

... And yet, somehow, someone still managed to find a way to complain about men.

In future OP if she starts that again I would say very kindly but firmly "Sophie? You're on mute"
Then wait for her to unmute or type in chat that no, she wasn't trying to talk.
"Oh. I thought from your expression you were wanting to come in there." Pause. Continue what you were saying.

It keeps you in control and makes her look like slightly incompetent. Plus folk will be looking at her after that and if she is giggling, others will notice too.

You did the right thing op. I would speak to a manager and raise the laughing and messaging while she is supposed to be working. Your right you are to
old for that shit (similar age here). She was probably a school bully who forgot to grow up. I wouldn’t reply to her either.

Well done for calling her out. I know tiktok sounds like a stupid platform but there’s loads on there about calling out bullying, assertiveness etc. Could you think of a few one liners to have up your sleeve. A lot like you did today (well done btw). Something like highlighting to the room what she’s doing ‘are you ok Sophie? What’s tickled you l? Share the joke’ with a big smile on your face as you say it.. If face to face with her asking her inquisitively ‘is everything ok Sophie?’ And maybe one day when you’re alone to her smile and tell her that what she does isn’t subtle. Failing that speak to supervisor and HR. She’s being passive aggressive and basically being a little shit and it needs to stop. Draw someone else’s attention to it so they notice without her knowing they’re noticing then take it to HR.

Silence is a wonderful weapon OP. One of my friends and I hit 50.and decided to call out this type of nonsense. Well done. U started a bit earlier than us. Are these meetings recorded?

I'd ignore her. If it happens again, then confront her in person and ask if there's an issue (I'd also give you manager a heads up). She'll probably pull her head in now

Screen shot the message and any further ones from her as, depending on your company's retention, they may disappear after 30/60/90 days

I predict victim status incoming from Sophie

You chose your username well.

Agree, say it to HR so there is a record of it if it continues

Yes, i have stopped meetings before when it is clear half the room are answering emails and others are having private chats.

Deffo agree with pp not to answer. Leave her to stew. She knows what she's done.

Well done for calling her out but I would have kept talking and making my point despite her sniggering, her sniggering is designed to make you feel self conscious and shut your mouth

With people like that in online meetings, I sometimes put a post it note over their faces on the screen so I cannot see their expressions and I’m not distracted, then you won’t be put off speaking

Don’t reply to her
Once you stand up to someone once it’s much easier to stand up to them the next time, keep calling her out but keep it professional

Firstly good for you for standing up to a bully and make no mistake behaviour like this is bullying in the workplace. These kind of people unfortunately have issues but it’s very difficult to feel sorry for them. I too used to work with a female bully. 10 great people left the company because of her behaviour which did not go unnoticed but any improvement she was told to make to get on with her colleagues better, was always short lived. Ultimately she came across as confident and experienced but she had massive self esteem issues, was dismissive of colleague’s ideas or success and was full of envy as outside of work she had no friends other than her DH.
I wouldn’t respond to the messages… no response is a response …and I would suggest you keep any contact with her to a minimum but remain 100% professional at all times. Report to HR if you feel you should. Back to work tomorrow with your head held high.

@Vergus This should be your reply, from your own post:

I am fed up with you making me feel bad, and then not having the courage to own it, but texting me separately to smooth things over and get me on side. I believe you want me to say “yes, I’m fine!” but I’m not and I’m actually quite upset. I feel like I'm being picked on in the school playground. I can see you sniggering at me - it’s gone on for years. And today I just had enough.

MGG
mean girl germs

gross :(

Of course you can get on with emails if there is a chance to do so without you missing key content. But you can do that without laughing and sniggering away which is disrespectful and I would have no hesitation to call you out on it

Record the calls and report her to HR.

I am so sorry that this has happened to you too.
This started in my workplace a month ago.
I got upset last week and asked why nobody had noticed as I was struggling.
I told my manager today.
They are speaking with her tomorrow, I feel better about it now , I feel stronger 💪
Well done for being brave and standing up for yourself.

YES!! Amazing OP 👏👏👏

I read her message as an attempt to smooth things over after she shat herself.

I would be expecting her to be overly nice to you over the next few days/weeks in a bid to demonstrate to everyone/seniors/herself how she isn’t who you’ve accused her of being. Stick to your guns and give her a masterclass in professionalism. If it does happen again, as PP have said, a gentle but assertive “sorry Sophie, did you want to add something?” works wonders in sending her a message that you’re onto her, without her being able to accuse you of being aggressive or bullying.

Fair play to you OP for calling out repeated disrespectful behaviour. It’s clear she has a problem with you when it only happens when you speak. What a little bully. I would tell myself “she’s clearly jealous of me” and move on without addressing her message. Let her ponder that one!

Keep digging. You clearly live up to your name.

Obviously it depends on the meeting but it its a small team call where we know each other, no-one would be bothered, they know me. If it's a huge team call, chances anyone is watching are minimal. I have an inbox to my ears and shed loads to do. So many calls are huge wastes of time, not up to me to sit like a school kid for the bits that don't apply to me.

I am mostly interested the OP has convinced herself that her colleague is laughing at her. Where's the evidence? None. All she knows is that colleague is laughing about something. Most likely entirely unrelated to her.

No but it’s incredibly rude and unprofessional to do that during meetings especially if you are targeting someone to get them in the state OP has been driven to.