Called out colleague in team meeting

Could you be imagining this behaviour? I think you could be?

OP, document everything.

Take screenshots if you can and keep in a password protected file with times, dates and details. That way, if you end up raising a grievance the IT department will be able to check her messages at exactly those times and will have evidence. Also consider a subject access request if it gets that far.

I managed to get a bullying manager seriously disciplined by doing this (and it wasn’t even me he was bullying). He didn’t have a leg to stand on
and resigned a couple of weeks later.

Are your meetings recorded? If so I would consider re watching it and trying to catch her sniggering etc to use as evidence to take further.

Call her out again if she does it next time. Bullies don’t like it.

Useful tips, thank you! Though I can see that there might be occasions that would call for a dramatic florishing of the post-it pad and exaggerated, careful placement of a note on the screen. Followed by a satisfied nod.

Oh right. My mistake.

It's possible though that it's noticed, but just never mentioned. I was bullied by a thug, and I thought that no one else noticed... but after 2 years, other people told me directly that they had noticed. So it was just that they chose not to say anything at the time.

I would also leave her on read!

I like @Mumtobabyhavoc ’s response. She needs to be told.

Well done @Vergus bullies hate being called out. I wouldn't reply to her message, however, I would talk to your manager about it.

I had a fucking awful manager who kept undermining me in internal and external meetings. Making me look ridiculous and powerless. One day, I had had enough. In a 121 meeting with her I verbally told her that I found her behaviour unsupportive and if she continued, I would just walk out of the meeting explaining why to everyone in the meeting and go to HR.

Funnily enough she stopped.

You have rattled her cage, how satisfying! How dare she remark that you are articulate, of course you are, you are an experienced professional. She is one of those irritating little bitches who are unsure of themselves and like to make themselves look bit by putting other people down. Smile and call her out again if there’s any more of it. Somehow I doubt there will be.

I would bet some money your manager will be asking if ‘you’re ok?’ sometime soon. I bet ‘I was a bit worried about Vergus as she’s seemed stressed recently,’ is in her undermining playbook. She’ll be implying concerns about your hormonal status…

You did entirely the right thing. I am proud to post that in an old job, a colleague and I had worked really hard on a presentation for a team of Execs. For some (apparently unrelated issue) you could see the Exec typing, laughing and replying. Zero concentration or focus. We both called it out and ended the meeting early. Turns out one of them was embarrassed enough to call the rest of them out and we both got a massive apology.
Standards need to apply online as well as in person- you did the right thing OP.

If you are careful, no they can’t seer it, you need to lift your hand up very close to the screen when you are doing it ….out of view of the camera

You can also turn the camera off for a couple of seconds while you are doing it, then turn it back on

Have you posted about this before OP?

Well done for calling her out. She sounds very unprofessional. How do you know she is messaging her friend though? I would report it to HR.

I've worked with women exactly like her. Spiteful, catty and bitchy. She's messaged because she knows she's been caught out. Definitely ignore and if she does it again in the next meeting, call her out again. But also bring it up with your manager so there's a record of what's been going on.

I agree.

I know the type. She is worried now because you said that, and then didn't reply to her. Oh dear, her perfect image shattered or at least cracked a bit. The comment - you're very articulate - sounds like a dig.
Ignore, ignore, ignore. I'd be wary of calling her out every time, if it happens in future because before you know it, she will have turned it around as you picking on her. I'd probably pause and let silence fall, if she does it again.

Keep your head high, and well done.

Yes don't reply as it will give her ammunition that you are somehow "combative"

Ignoring it will also allow her to stew for a while

Get your concerns in writing to HR

Ive definitely called out colleagues in meetings. I have done it in a more obvious way and actually put them in their box. I've managed to climb to senior leadership and I don't and have never angaged in office politics and childish behaviour and when I have seen it or been subject to it I have called it out, there and then.
Well done you for taking the first step to owning the situation.
Don't engage with her via teams. Carry on as you were and if she does this stupid shit again then use passive aggressive assertiveness or just ignore.

I think you did exactly the right thing. You were calm and called her out. I also like that you ignored her message. This is one of the first work posts I have seen in a while on here, where I am 100% in agreement.

I had the same thing happen to me. My boss pulled them up on it. I didn’t notice because I tend to cover the screen (faces) sometimes with whatever window I minimise and just drag it over. I keep an eye on staff I know are rational/professional. The rest -cover!

Don’t respond to the message but if she’s acting up in a meeting again you could try.

'Are you OK with that Sophie or do I need to explain it to you again ? No need to ask Fenella to explain it.'

Read the OP again @shuggles men ARE mentioned at the bottom of it!

I love the post-it note idea! Can they see you putting it on the screen? So passive aggressive, brilliant!

Don't respond. She has no respect for you so let her stew.

I think you did the right thing.

I had a horrific Rachel in my office, after maternity leave I opted for vouluntary redundancy.
Huge mistake career wise, but it was the only option.
Weirdly, one of my fellow mums at school pickup also called Rachel, also took an immediate dislike to me.
Some people do like me though, so it’s not everyone 😀

I wonder how these people live with themselves.