Called out colleague in team meeting

Dear gawd can't you just ignore her

I think that was perfect, and some good suggestions for other things to say. Ignoring her message is fine, carry on ignoring. If she asks why you call her out in teams meetings and then ignore her messages say ‘I call you out because you are sitting there snickering at me and have been regularly for quite some time now. Why would that behaviour make me want to have private messages with you?’

if it came to a grievance investigation theyd check her messages so log the meeting times!

If I was in your situation I would of said in the meeting "I'm just going to pause for a second so Sophie can explain why she's sniggering whilst I'm speaking".

Yeah, that's not really 'calling out' your colleague.
So, for a little perspective, this is the situation you've put together:
Worked together for 5 years but only come together in team meetings
Colleague is well liked, everyone thinks highly of her
She was pulling weird faces in your most recent meeting as if she 'violently' wanted to laugh
You KNOW that she is typing 'to her friend' and that whatever she is typing 'to her friend' is about you
She once did a 'bullying' 'look' when a nice colleague started speaking to some one else. You managed to successfully interpret this 'look' so you could make your unaware colleague aware. And HOW DARE SHE PICK ON SOMEONE with the look only you saw
No one else in 5 years has noticed any of this

I'm wondering why you seem to be obsessively watching her in meetings. That is weird in itself
The 'mob' mentality here is crazy. She's a bully, a bitch, catty, spiteful, a 'school bully' etc etc.
Talking about accessing her messages because the OP is sure it's all about her. Fucking nuts. Sure, go on a fishing expedition. "I think Sophie was messaging her friend about me" I need to see them.

Do people really carry on like this in the workplace. Where every 'look' is nasty bullying. It puts a whole new spin on all those posts of women who are 'too stressed' to go to work 🙄

"You are very articulate"?

I wonder if she's being snide and this is her way of saying you talk too much? Which is presumably what the big joke is between her and her friend, every time you present.

Or you use big words that make her feel insecure, and she makes fun of you with her to make herself feel better.

She sounds like a twat, but I wouldn't give it oxygen. Calmly point it out every time she pulls this - "Sorry, I can see Sophie laughing again" or "Sophie? Was there something you wanted to say?" - and let her burn up in the silence. Don't bite if she tries to pull you into drama. Just be very boring and mildly irked that she's not showing you professional courtesy. Leave all the bullying stuff out of it. She's a snake, clearly, but if she's got higher ups on her side it just won't ever go well for you. Especially not if they can pen you in as over emotional.

High road, emotionless, confused at her lack of professionalism. Good luck 🌺

This is a good idea.

You handled her perfectly.
Don't reply.
The next time she does it, repeat exactly what you said.
The men around you are obviously oblivious but if you keep repeating the same thing it may land.

If she tries to draw you out, just refuse to be drawn out.

She is a bully, keep careful notes.

When my friends sister was being bullied by two older colleagues she went to HR when they were overheard making a nasty personal remark about her. She requested the grievance process be started and also a SAR.

Two weeks later both colleagues were being reassigned to another plant 1 hour away and certainly not convenient to them.

There was also an email circulated reminding all staff of the strict guidelines regarding anything non work related on the computer network and their dignity at work policy.

I suggest you have a look at your work policies on bullying and dignity at work.
It is always good to be familiar with the language buzzwords and how they might apply to you.

Its likely a SAR request would produce what they are typing about you.
It would definitely wipe that snigger off her face.

Well done! Inspirational even. I am dealing with a Sophie at my workplace too. It’s exhausting.

Ignore her. If she corners you, say ‘I’m perfectly fine. I wish to keep things professional. You might want to consider how you come across.’

Excellent! You called her out the same way she mocks you, publicly. No private conversations with the weird rat. To be honest, I'd be surprised if she bothers you any more. As they say, the flip side of a bully is a coward.

Also, now those who either didn't notice, didn't want to be involved or have also been targeted by her have been shown what she does and that nobody needs to put up with it. Well done! :)

OP I think the part you are missing is if it is that obvious then everyone else would see it too. So either you are being paranoid, they see it and don’t think it’s a big deal or they don’t see it. If they see it and it hasn’t stopped then they either don’t care or they have said something and it hasn’t changed. Given that it’s been going on for a while and it hasn’t changed, then I would suggest it seems a lot worse to you then how everyone else sees it.

Funnily enough, people like people who have a sense of humor. Just on my third promotion at work and genuinely incredibly well liked. But hey, what do I know.

Also amazing how nany people just assume OP is right and don't stop to ask her if she might just be being anxious because she's decided someone is x, y, z. But on what basis? Nothing I've read appears very catty or rude. The colleague leaned in and listened intently to a senior person!!! Shocking, must be up to no good. Colleague checks in after OP is out of character on a call - must be guilty conscience? Or maybe, just maybe, they are trying to be nice.

There is a huge danger in projecting our feelings into others behaviour without cause. Maybe you and OP wouldn't chat off topic during a call, but to leap to the paranoid conclusion that this is about the presenter and bullying is far fetched.

Three work rules: Assume the best. Deal with the worst if it happens. Not everyone has to be your friend.

I wouldn’t worry, they probably just think you’re clueless, rude and unprofessional.

Sidenote - No video calls in the 50s, and standard phone calls went through a switchboard. So not a thing. Bullies, though? Timeless.

No, don't do this. You're fondly imagining that mean girl will see the error of her ways. She already knows exactly what she's doing. And she doesn't care!

I went to a meeting once and observed similar behaviour. As soon as one lady started talking, three others would be doing the mean girl act - smirking, typing etc When the meeting finished I discretely asked the lady if she was ok. She asked me to clarify and I said what I'd observed. She told me she had raised this issue with her manager previously (also in the meeting) and had been told she was imagining it. She wasn't. It was blatant.

In your position I'd have a word with your manager. Say you've noted a repeated pattern of behaviour that this person is pulling faces and laughing when you speak. She doesn't do it when anyone else is speaking, so you can only assume that she is laughing at you and trying to make you uncomfortable. Note that's why you said something this time as it's gone on long enough. If your manager hasn't noticed they'll now pay attention to see if they can see what you're seeing.

1950s? What on earth are you on about. Never mind it is completely unprofessional and rude.

Well done, you sound amazing. I know how much it hurts as I’ve been going through it myself but not laughing but cold shoulder and looking away every time I speak. Three of them until
one left. I have had a bit of a breakdown over this and other work issues and I’m currently off sick. The worst one has tried to make me look a twat too in front of others but I did t bite a d then had messages ‘was I ok’ and ‘happy bday’ which I completely ignored. I then went to hr and had an informal chat. She called it bullying, logged it and there it sits until I might need it. Something tells me that things might be a little more professional when I go back. But if it continues I willl take it further. Best of luck to you x

Well done. Don’t reply to her.
if she asks in person call her out to her face.

Well done you,I experienced this form previously.its disgusting.i remember mentioning it to our Manager and he said " X is a Bitch but she is a Bitch to everyone" employing that's it's okay.Management are aware of toxic traits in people but I think accept it if job is done.you were right to call it out as you did,don't reply.remain professional and don't engage with her if no one else present.

@Hastentoadd I’ve been in meetings on Teams (I think?) where someone had to turn their camera on and off a few times but when they turned it on again all the placement of people in the meeting changed randomly. I’m not sure if that always happens, but it did for me.

But seconding to keep your hand close to the screen and make sure you know exactly where the camera is to avoid sweeping your arm over it.

Good for you OP. Don’t reply and just make note of anything she does to cause friction. She’s embarrassed herself here not you.

Well done! Calling out is hard but well done and do it again if she dares to do it any other time.

Yes I’m fine just emailing HR about your obvious behaviour.
that’s what my reply would be

@PersonalBest For years?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

And a, There! 🤣