Called out colleague in team meeting

Hi OP, well done for standing up for yourself. The only thing I would add is I would not stop because she is laughing - why should she get the power to cut you short? I would rather do a version of: 'before I continue, can I just check Sophie why are you laughing?' Then silence, until she replies. Then use whatever she says to formulate a response. Assuming she does a version of 'nothing to do with you guv' sorry, then say 'well if you are finished now I'll continue...'. And I would do it every.single.time.
I also would not reply to her subsequent message. Agree she is trying to get some dirt on you she can use to paint you in the wrong.
God I hate people like that.
Gather your proofs and document everything and if she does not pack it in, when you have enough raise a complaint - make sure it is watertight though. Try very hard not to have 1 on 1 conversations with her if possible - she will lie.

You've handled this superbly, OP. Her behaviour in the meetings was rude and unprofessional and you pulled her up in just the right tone. No confrontation, no making other team members embarrassed, just a frank acknowledgement that you've clocked what she was doing.

And if it's really true that 'men don't notice' this type of behaviour, they also won't notice lightly made comments should she repeat in future: such as 'are you okay there, Sophie, was there something you wanted to add?' Another good strategy against snide, PA digs is also to ask them to repeat what they said.

I agree with your inclination not to respond. No interaction offside/offscreen is much the safest measure. Bullies dislike silence because they can't argue with it. You'll also be giving her absolutely no ammunition. You can't be disciplined for something you haven't said.

Kudos!

Well done! I've been in 2 meetings in the past where I was blindsided by a group lead by my manager and what I should have done was walk out and look for another job.

Fortunately she isn't your manager and I agree do not respond to her. Anything from her from now on is in writing.

I've found that some people are just jealous of you for just being you.

I think you should ignore her message but screenshot it and start creating a diary.

I think you should ultimately have a hard conversation with yourself:

• would you be taken seriously if you complained about her?
• would management choose her over you?
• would your workplace become more intolerable?
• is this environment healthy for you?
• is it worth looking for other jobs now before things get worse?

The first time this happened you should have taken action.

i can guess what her next move is, she’s going to say that YOU are bullying her. That you embarrassed her in front of everyone. That you’re always difficult and snapping at her. It’s a textbook move to attack before you are attacked in toxic workplaces

Have you really never encountered people doing their emails, reading something unrelated or even having a side chat in in-person meetings? I'm not saying it's good or polite practice, but it is very common!

Well done for calling her out but I think you need to contact HR about her behaviour - to protect yourself as well. Keep notes about her behaviour towards you...

Ugh, she sounds vile. But you haven't responded to the idea of speaking to your manager so they can speak to hers - is there something in particular holding you back OP? Worth thinking through what makes you anxious about that idea.

I think if I were you I would say to your manager effectively ''you probably noticed that I mentioned Sophie's actions today - I haven't previously because I have wanted to take the high ground, but it's been going on for years."

Leave it there and see how they respond - put the ball in their court. I think it will be useful to know how the land lies, and then you can make a decision on next steps if any.

Is anyone really going to notice though? If I did, I'd assume that a person was wiping a smudge off the screen or something. I'd never think it was placing a post it over someone!

The laughing is bullying (humiliation) and the typing while you’re talking is micro-aggression (also bullying). You were right to call it out. Keep doing it. As suggested, being curious (not furious) is the way to go. Ask a question about the behaviour you’re witnessing. Try to keep the question as neutral as possible so you avoid falling into the parent/child trap; keep it adult. Your response was a little passive aggressive but, if you have to call Sophie out again, you can simply describe the behaviour you’re witnessing (I see Sophie laughing) and then ask her to explain why.

A SAR request is obviously only something one does if you intend to ask for their grievance policy.

But calmly stopping and asking every time she laughs in future, if she does, and keeping careful note of times, is wise.

Definitely don’t reply OP!!

well done you’re winning ! 💪

I wouldn't reply either. Let her sweat. If it happens in future meetings, I'd go with a polite 'Sophie, did you want to say something?' so all eyes are on her.

Well done OP. You dealt with it really well. Definitely don’t reply. Don’t give her ammo and let her stew.

I detest bullies. Well done for speaking up op. She seems like a sly little snake so it would be hard to prove anything, but do start documenting it. Hopefully she’ll leave you alone now she knows you’re wise to her.

This colleague is clearly bullying you OP and IMO I think you should report this to your line manager and take the matter up with HR. Her behaviour is immature, unprofessional and unacceptable plus it could potential damage the company if things escalate.
You did the right thing in calling her out and clearly you have reached the end of your tether with her vile attitude towards you.
Hope you’re ok today.

This. You should really have been doing this from the first time she tried it on.

💯 agree.

Yeah but she's acting inappropriately. She wouldn't behave like this in a physical meeting so she shouldn't on a Teams call either. It's very rude and extremely unprofessional.

I think she messaged you to gauge your response. She’s panicking that you’ve clocked her and wants to smooth things over hence the sickly compliment. Your silence will worry her more, she knows you’re pissed off but she doesn’t know what you’ll do next.

Well done for standing up to her. I feel like saying ‘what’s so funny Sophie?’ would have been more assertive than conceding you’ll shut up because of her behaviour, but either way you’ve let her know that her bitchiness hasn’t gone unnoticed.

Shes trying to gaslight you into thinking you are irrational. You should reply. And call out in writing, calling out her behaviours objectively. Use examples and stay calm. Then ask how she plans to address this?

Then watch her squirm.

I'm with this poster. I'm constantly typing during Teams meetings and so do many of my colleagues, because they are so boring and not all parts of the meeting are relevant to everyone. Sometimes this typing is doing some work, sometimes it's chit chat, sometimes it's funny and we have a laugh but it's never aimed at a particular person.

If you were in a face to face meeting at the office, none of this would be acceptable behaviour, so why is it acceptable in Teams? I’m beginning to think that wfh all the time just makes people more unprofessional.

Could not agree more. Anyone ever thought that maybe Sophie and her friend just weren’t listening in the meeting and messaging between themselves something they found funny.

OP you have really made a mountain out of a mole hill and no this isn’t in any way calling someone out. In fact you have just played into it and said you are done.

I'm very impressed by the OP who sounds very together

I see the mean girl apologists are out in force. OP knows this person, she’s worked with her for five years and there has been a clear and consistent pattern of behaviour by this person in these meetings of sniggering only when it’s OP’s turn to talk. But yeah, you’re all right - she clearly must be laughing at something else every single time. 🙄

Good for you. I had a Manager bad mouth me in an online meeting once. It was awful, one colleague laughed, a slow sarcastic laugh and someone I thought was a ‘colleague’ and ‘friend’. The others said nothing and I just didn’t know how to reply. You dealt with it well. Do let us know if she follows it up?