Planned to fall pregnant age 15

Because of my horrific experience not being properly parented by a girl just out of childhood. The idea that she might have tried to make it happen is upsetting to me

Yes I went to school with someone who tried for the baby they had at fifteen. My cousin also had preconception supplements in her drawer after her “surprise” pregnancy at a young age - albeit not as young at fifteen.

wanting to keep a boyfriend interested

Pretty ironic given it often has the opposite effect.

I worked with a lady whose son's gf fell pregnant. They were late teens. They'd already caused their parents lots of eye rolling by getting engaged.

Their relationship didn't last the pregnancy.

He went to a college formal with another girl. Was bemused when his Mum said maybe that was inappropriate.

A couple of months later I walked past him on the town library on a sofa with a different girl on his knee.

I think it actually gave him some kind of weird kudos for other girls. That he had a baby and a baby mama. He looked like he was playing it for all he could.

My colleague and her h tried their utmost to contribute for the baby on his behalf and to maintain a relationship, but they were impeded by how pissed off and resentful etc his ex gf was. Understandably tbh.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to “grow up with the kids” though. It’s not the best start for a kid and I definitely wouldn’t want it for my daughters.

People underestimate the power of hormones. Nature knew you were ready to conceive, and so you did. Don't blame yourself and don't worry about doing something that is 100% natural.

Why?

I know a few as acquaintances more than friends. It's a very privileged lifestyle but I don't think it would be for me. I shall never know! Most of my friends who have rich husbands also have their own successful careers in their own right.

This thread is such an eye opener. I actually feel a bit sick.

Well back then wasn't really the gaming and it would be expected to get a job at 16 and contribute towards parents house

Oh bless you. There's no need for your husband to know now, it sounds as though you two have made it work if you are still together, and you obviously cherish your child.

I planned to become pregnant at 16 but didn't :-). However, at the time I really wanted to; nature had other ideas and, in my case, it would not have been good! Awful guy, ten years older.

I have met loads of teenagers who felt the same, they were desperate to have a child so you are not alone. It really isn't unusual.

Your situation when you were fifteen may have been insecure and you wanted someone to love who would love you. I know that was the case with me and with many other girls but everyone is different.

Thanks. It doesn’t feel like that. It feels like I’d outgrown her by the time I was barely an adult, and at every adult juncture (things like travel, marriage, career goal, children, death of a grandparent, miscarriage, etc) I was the more adult person. It feels crazy sometimes.

The woman from my year at school whose story I described up the thread was really quite exceptional. Her baby would be 45 now. She was academic and career-driven, and we were all so shocked when she left school. Girls at my school didn't get pregnant - she was literally the only one I ever knew! She also came from a working class background, and I am fairly sure marriage wasn't her choice either...

I was planning to have a baby asap from about 13 but was too scared to have sex lol
eventually I got over that and got pregnant at 16 whilst still at school. She’s 36 now!!

How would you feel if it was your daughter

Yes to be fair teenage parents don’t have the luxury of being stuck in arrested development and spending their lives gaming in their parents spare bedroom. They have to get on with things every day, and in some cases maybe spurs them on where their lives would’ve otherwise stagnated? We can’t be sure they would’ve all gone on to do ambitious things had they not had the babies.

Seeing as I don't know any of those type of people IRL no not really. If I did know them I wouldn't really be having much to do with them as poles apart

Does anyone remember that TV show on BBC called Underage and Pregnant? I was the same age as the girls on the show and thought it all looked so cute and romantic 🫣 a few of them stick in my memory and I wonder where they ended up. There was one girl who was 14 and her boyfriend died in a car accident when she was pregnant - she seemed so sweet and the whole thing tragic. Then there were identical twins who were also 14, one got pregnant straight after the other. The parents seemed lovely and they were devastated, to have one daughter announce they were pregnant was bad enough for them but the second nearly pushed them over the edge.

Are you ok? You can’t understand that contraceptives fail?

You will still have made observations and have your thoughts or views surely? We don't exist in a silo!

My mother got married the minute she turned 18 and had me a year and a half later. My dad was quite a bit older. They were happy and had 4 children but my mother was always adamant that this was not what she would wish for her daughters.

I would have run a mile from a baby in my teens, and had very little interest in my 20s either. I've watched my children and my DNs grow up, and the idea of any of them with a baby at the age my mother was is unthinkable!

being academic and having a baby young are not mutually exclusive

In theory they are not, but in reality they almost always are. It's pretty rare for a naturally academic girl to want to have a baby so young and to go ahead with an unplanned pregnancy. It happens, but it's certainly not the norm. Most girls who have babies while they are still in school fall squarely into a certain social demographic. If it happens that they are naturally very intelligent, they have almost certainly come from a background where this has not been recognised, valued or nurtured.

'Falling pregnant' always sounded strange to me. Like it happened without active participation.

I know about SAHM with rich husbands but I've never experienced it so have no idea how it feels in that situation. But if I came up with a negative opinion then I'd probably get shot down on here

A friend's parents ( who married and had kids at 18 20 and 21) said that they grew up with the kids. And in a way it was easier as they'd never had an " adult" life without kids to miss when they were born

I wasn't a teen mum but I was 20 so not that far off. My best friend had a baby at 17. Then another 2 years later. After then splitting up with their dad she did an access course to get into uni then her degree. The kids gave her both the incentive and ability ( as childcare provided etc ) to continue her education and get a professional job. She's the only one out of her family who went to uni

The girls I know lives have gone something like this:

The teenage mums - stayed put in hometown, lots of family help, a few more kids (some stayed with the dad some didn’t). The kids are older now so they’re ‘getting their life back’ and socialise a fair amount, most have decent jobs which are secure if not ‘high flying’ (but then again not everyone can be high flying can they). They’re still surrounded by family/friends. They seem to have nice homes, none live in a cramped high rise or anything like that.

The ones who did things the traditional way - had a fab time at uni then spent a long time in the wilderness afterwards, working in a job they didn’t really like or found stressful while living in a HMO. Usually in an expensive city quite far from family etc. We’re mid 30s now and a fair few are still single, some have married but hardly any have kids although they say they want them at some point. The ones who do have kids are stressed juggling toddlers with their career with no family help around, the only real plus being they’re in a stable relationship.

Not sure which is best tbh I don’t think it’s as black and white as is made out on here

Tbf statistically the assumptions people make about teenage mothers tend to be correct. Of course in some cases it does work out but that’s unusual. Statistically teenage mums and their children tend to have much much worse outcomes than older mothers. That’s unsurprising as 15 year olds don’t tend to have the maturity or resources to support a child or even themselves.

I did the same thing as you just a little bit older, still in the teens.
I love my children but I know now that I was just an insecure traumatised girl who thought having a family would cure her.