Planned to fall pregnant age 15

Think this nails it really. Many ( obviously not all) of the people who have kids very young would not be the same ones that are uni attending career driven people even without the child.

It's still possible to continue with education even if you have a baby. There are ways and mean and the education/ career driven people will find them m

It's a complex mix of human nature (we are hormonally designed to procreate at this age), teenage lack of experience, family history and situations, and being a naturally nurturing person, which most girls are. Sometimes it's a 100-1 chance ie, contraceptive failure, sometimes it's a lack of sex education and/or coercion. I think we've learnt that the reasons teen pregnancy happen are very diverse and individual.

I mean, you can call it all stupid, but I think overly simplifying something so that it fits your preconceived prejudices so that you can feel superior is pretty dumb. But there you are.

This doesn’t surprise me that much. I remember reading teen romance where characters got pregnant and there were stories about teen pregnancy on TV shows that were not going for the wholesome ‘don’t even think about it’ stance. So there was definitely a market for it. I doubt you are the only one.

I do think background, ambition, expectation and family support make a big difference.

I went to a girls’ grammar school in 1973. We were very much taught that we’d be ruining our futures by getting pregnant! We had our first talks about contraception at 12, so that at 16 we were rolling our eyes as once again we were told about The Pill and rolling condoms onto bananas 😁

We used to sort of ‘police’ each other’s virginity, too! If someone was thought to be sleeping with their boyfriend at 15, it was considered shameful! I knew of one abortion, at 16.

However, interestingly, the girls I knew who got married/pregnant very soon after leaving sixth form were all from not great families, and all got together with soldiers (big army presence nearby). These families weren’t poor, just emotionally neglectful, and most of the girls concerned did quite well at A level, ABC/D type marks (considered to be very respectable in 1980!) so I suspect there was an element of wanting to build their own family. Most got posted to Germany.

Being pre internet, we lost touch, but unfortunately, none of the marriages lasted.

To add - I don't think the stories of people who had a baby aged 20 or 21 are in any way relevant. There is a huge difference between a 15 year old child in an immature relationship with another child, and a 20 year old who has been out of school for at least 2 years, in a relationship with another adult, legally able to work etc etc.

It's a bit of a MN trope that the posters who had a baby aged 14/15/16 went on to excel at school and have multiple degrees and a stellar career in their chosen field. That might be true for some and good for them.

But seriously, there are oodles of statistics out there which show that teenage mothers are more likely to live in poverty, be uneducated, raise their kids on their own - just struggle. Actively planning to have a baby aged 15 when you have no qualifications, are not legally allowed to work, in a transient relationship with another child and all the other compounding factors is just stacking the odds against you from the start. It shows a very immature mindset which is hardly surprising in a 15 year old.

I always assumed it was abject stupidity that got most people here, this post hasn’t changed my mind.

I had my eldest at 16 and at 24 after I graduated we moved 250 miles to London for a job. I’m
the only one from my childhood friendship group who left out small town. I don’t see why it’s such a terrible thing to stay in the place you grew up, surrounded by family & friends. Most people do. In my home town anyway, most of them i’m in touch with via social media have stayed. Nothing wrong with that. Personally I wanted to spread my wings, but not everyone does.

Absolutely. It’s not something i’d want my own daughter to do (she is 17 now and very academic, not had a bf yet) but I also know if it did happen, it doesn’t mean your life is over like people love to tell you. Those comments have kept me focussed over the years.

I had a good friend at school who desperately wanted a baby at 16. She didn't even have a steady boyfriend, she just knew she wanted a baby. She tried a few times, had an early miscarriage, before getting pregnant at 17. I can just remember thinking she was nuts. Like most teens I was scared of pregnancy and believed the message in the 90s that teen pregnancy "ruined your life", it was to be avoided at all costs as far as I was concerned.

Looking back now, she was just a very caring and maternal person, she used to try to mother me at school sometimes (I wasn't a very organised person)! She was an only child and her parents were not very interested in her, which was very sad, they were indifferent to everything she did. They had her unexpectedly, very late in life, it was like they couldn't wait for her to grow up and get on with it on her own. As a result she was very grown up and independent. I think she also just really craved someone to love, and to love her, her own family unit.

She did fairly well on her own in the end. Once pregnant her father gave her 50% of her inheritance early (they were fairly wealthy), and she bought a flat. Again, her parents didn't seem to care, she ws just out of their hair as far as they were concerned. She stayed with the father of her child for a while, but when that didn't work out she moved away. Last I heard she had a second child in her 30s.

It kind of a sad story. I thought it was all absolutely crazy at the time. Your post has made me look back on it all, and it kind of makes sense to me now, I understand why she did it.

Agreed what on earth is it you want people to say?

I know this isn't AMA but I'm asking anyway - do you look back at your care of the first child and regret your young age and how it impacted on your parenting? All the 15/16 year old parents I know (most professionally, which is a self selecting group as I am a social worker!) but a couple I know socially were really not prepared to care for a baby/child at that age and neglected them to some degree. Do you see a difference in how you parent your older child?

It's right there in the first line of the OP. Right there.

Sorry, I must have skim read your first post, thought your husband didn't kno.

It hardly matters now, Karrotten, you've done really well, congratulations.

The OP said in her first post that the only people who know are her and her husband.

If he is ok with it, why the fuck do you care?!

ETA Only my husband knows that our first child was not an "accident" and was actually planned even though we were only 15.

No-one gets pregnant "accidentally" where they have the knowledge and education to prevent it.

Yes they do. It's entirely possible since not all forms of contraception are 100% guaranteed, unless you believe that unless one is prepared to take the risk they should remain celibate, and that an acceptance of a small risk equals planned pregnancy.

🙄

I know someone who did this. Also 15. Her internet boyfriend abandoned them both and she only had the one child. Her parents were mostly absent and had zero idea the creeps she was meeting up with off the internet. She was craving attention too.

A friend's MIL had her first at 16, relationship broke up, she married at 18 and had another three kids.

She's a really immature woman, has never had a job, in her early 60s but was looked after by her parents, then her husband.

She doesn't have special needs, just glides through life, and if her husband dies before her, one of her daughters will be taking over the responsibility - not my friend.

OP, this was 10 years ago, why do you think you can't tell the truth? You didn't know what a mortgage was, you didn't know what council housing was, you weren't really in a position to have and bring up a child with that level of naivety, BUT it's worked out, no regrets... except you are anonymous posting about it on the internet saying obviously you can't tell the truth even to your loved ones. You are 25, not 15. And there is a background narrative around your child as being unplanned, not ideal etc. although I'm sure of course adored by everyone now... But don't think that doesn't have an impact. It does. You were a child, it wasn't a great decision, but it has had a great outcome... you don't need to announce with a fanfare, but stop hiding and lying. You were a child, you're an adult now. You adore your planned child and have no regrets. Right?

My best friend deliberately got pregnant at 17. She felt abused and or neglected by her parents so she thought by having a child, she'd have someone who would always love her. Her son is nearly 30 now, 2 kids of his own. They are estranged now, in part by the unstable upbringing he had.

I think a lot is linked to social background though. I was pregnant at 18, gave birth at 19 so very young but I don’t feel overly different to older mothers- over a decade later still with the dad and happily married, mortgage on a nice house, didn’t get an amazing career but enjoy my job and we are comfortable, have holidays etc. I don’t think I defied any odds though because I’m from a happy and stable more ‘middle-class’ background than the girls you typically see entering very young motherhood.

I was watching an old documentary (happened to come up on TikTok and I got sucked into watching all the parts 😆) from 2004, about Britain’s youngest parents. It was so depressing. There were 2 sisters age 15 and 16 both heavily pregnant, open that they had planned it. Their own mum was only 34 (but looked a lot older). They had multiple younger siblings and were all crammed together in a tiny house on a rundown estate in Blackpool. They just seemed to have no idea that life had anything to offer beyond having babies young and replicating their own family situation. All the other girls featured on the documentary were really similar- very deprived backgrounds, came across as having low IQs and lack of education. I hope some of them are living better lives 20 years on but I doubt it.

My ds had his first child with his gf at just 18 and that was planned. They split, he’s been going out with the current one for 5 years now, he’s nearly 26 and now has 3 children. He’s doing well for himself, works hard in a great job.

dd2 is 17 and got pregnant at 15 (she says it wasn’t planned but knowing her and how broody she is I think it was) she miscarried and I’m going to say thankfully and she says this too..because the lad was an abusive, weed smoking arsehole (still is) thankfully no longer together and she’s with someone else, just had another pregnancy scare, she isn’t.

shes now on the pill, she said that she likes the idea of having a baby but in hindsight it wouldn’t be the best thing, she’s working full time in her chosen career. She said that she would have a baby if she found herself pregnant but she’s not planning anymore. Thank god. I’d support her either way

at least 5 if her friends are either pregnant or have had babies..all aged 16, 17 and 18. It still seems to be quite common in our town, I don’t know why.

@PenelopeJane91 - I think you'll really be fine. Good luck and enjoy every minute.

Bloody Hell calm down!