Planned to fall pregnant age 15

No need to be a bitch, I’m sure she pays her taxes like everyone else.

I don’t think it means you were disturbed @Karrotten.

When you really think about it, it’s not all that uncommon for teens or even children to know (or think they know) what they want in life and to make big decisions when very young. Think of the ballet dancers and professional athletes who make their decision to train professionally at just 10 or 11. Sure, these decisions are less consequential and can be reversed, unlike having a baby, but psychologically speaking and all other things being equal, I don’t think there’s a difference between a well adjusted 15 year old deciding they want to devote their life to athletics and a well adjusted 15 year old deciding they want to be a mum. Not saying it is necessarily a wise decision, but since when are 15 year olds wise?! I don’t think it means there was anything wrong or ‘disturbed’ about you.

It just so happens that the decision you took comes with a lot of social judgement, because so many young girls become mums as a result of their difficult circumstances and upbringing. But just because that’s the case for most, doesn’t mean it was the case for you. Sounds like you were just a girl who knew what she wanted at the time, and made it happen. You chose your path in life young, for better or worse, and fortunately it seems like it has worked out well for you :-)

Don’t overthink it OP, there will always be people who judge and make you question yourself. Hold your head up high, there’s no ‘right’ way to do life. You and your children have so many years ahead of you to enjoy together. With luck on your side, your children will have you in their lives into their own retirement. As the child of a much older mother, I envy them that. Live your lives without looking back.

Contraception does fail. My DM had a coil when she fell pregnant with me. It came out when her waters broke.

Edited: Not sure where that gif came from!

Thank you?

More common than you think OP. I know several teens who did this.
I had my first child in my early 20’s, so not a teen, but when me and my now DH first got together as teens we used to say we would have a baby when I was 19 so the broodiness was definitely there!

That said, I’m glad I was a few years older as I had already worked FT for a few years, gained a qualification, had my own place etc. When DS was 6 months we got a mortgage and I worked and studied for a degree. Had another child late 20’s, but don’t think I was a significantly better parent being 7 years older. If anything I feel I was a better 22 yr old student parent with lots of energy and determination. Now in my late 30’s I have a much higher paying job but feel exhausted a lot of the time and guilty that my younger child doesn’t always get the best of me.

There are pros and cons to having kids young vs waiting until 30’s but I agree with a PP that says 20’s to early 30’s is probably the sweet spot for having babies. I don’t feel significantly worse off for not waiting until a more ‘acceptable’ age. Whilst the statistics seem to be against young parents, it also seems to really disconcert (middle class) people at work that I can be fairly senior, but also be a young mum who left school at 16. It seems to be at odds with the narrative of falling pregnant young = stupid, uneducated girl on benefits and ruined life.

Anyway, try not to beat yourself up OP on the choices you made at 15. You sound like a devoted parent and have done brilliantly, plus you’re still so young to experience lots of life experiences:-).

You're embarrassing yourself now.

You are not the most important tax payer.

Smart enough to lie about it.

But at 15 she had the biological imperative, driven by hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. What she didnt have was the knowledge that 10 years later some middle class middle aged women on Mumsnet would judge her for following that same biological imperative.

She was 15, do you really think that the the consideration of "Oh wait, who will pay for my baby?" crossed her mind?!

Neither you nor your boyfriend were in a position to have a baby at 15 without someone else picking up the tab.

But I’m not OPs DC and I was purely speaking for myself.

I was asking OP if they would ever tell their DC.

You’ve now put forward a completely different scenario here from the one I was responding to - ie thinking you are the product of an accidental teenage pregnancy and later finding out it was intentional.

If OP had got pregnant at 27 I would still very much be here.

To be honest, it’s easy to have these luxuries, like choosing to fall pregnant when you know other people will pick up the tab. Wonder if the paying public get a choice on whether they want to pay for other people’s ‘extreme broodiness’.

On the other hand, you have independent women working themselves to the phone trying to get financially stable before having children in their 30s and 40s because they spent their most energetic years working tomboy for other people’s kids.

I first had unprotected sex at 15 and was a bit disappointed when my period turned up, my mum found out and put me on the pill.

I then started seeing someone else at nearly 16 who was 20 and we planned to have a baby when I turned 17, we were together for 7 years and I never fell pregnant. Looking back it was a good thing because we had a very volatile relationship.

I had a miserable home life, my Mum was on her third marriage and that wasn’t happy. I hated school then later was doing a job I hated and I had this romanticised idea in my head of me making this happy little home with my baby. I knew I’d get housed by the council because some friends had and that’s all I wanted.

I'm 46 now and have never been ambitious, I just wanted a husband and loads of kids with a nice house! I now have a lovely house, lovely husband and 2 kids plus a nice little job. I do wonder where I’d be if babies had come along sooner, probably not having the nice life I have now because it would have been with a really unsuitable man!

Statistically teenage mothers tend to have poorer outcomes as do their children. They are less likely to be able to buy a house or have a good job. It’s also true that they are more likely to live in poorer places with less opportunities.

again some so buck the trend and good for them. But it’s not something we should want for our daughters

I had a "normal" childhood which I actually think was why I really wanted to have a child.
My childhood wasn't anything especially special and it wasn't perfect but we did a lot of things like days out (sometimes just a car drive to a beach/park etc) which I enjoyed and I essentially wanted to replicate that life.
I enjoyed family life - so I wanted to carry on family life.
To me it just made sense.
(although my one and only baby didn't come until I was 33 🙁)

If OP had got pregnant at a different time, say 27 then you wouldn't have been born. So infact did you a favour getting pregnant. Would you rather have not been born?

Well I would rather the truth (perhaps!), but more sympathetic to immaturity by accident than design, especially if things had been difficult as a result.

It’s possibly similar reasons why OP and DH chose to create the lore of an accident they made the best of rather than deliberate intention. If there was no difference, why maintain the cover.

It perhaps makes sense if you consider you were here due to accidental teenage pregnancy (which OP has conveyed), but later found out your DM planned it that way.

Sorry to laugh, I'm laughing with not at you. Just the naivity and insecurity at that age, thinking that IVF may be necessary after such a short time.
I was equally naive, if not more so, at that age, but was in the 'I'm never going to have sex because it is gross ' stage.
Glad it all worked out for you x

I wanted a baby at that age but I was single and far too sensible to act on it! (No offence meant it obviously worked out OK for you!)

That doesn't make sense. If your mother had been 16 when she had you then the other option would be that you weren't born.

I've been working with students who can't understand why anyone would want to marry or have kids as a teen, let alone at 16 so I think the modern mindset is completely different.

But 25 is the new 18 and 32 is the new 25. At 25 I'd say most of the people I knew of my own age were married and plenty were already divorced and lots had children. My youngest is 25 and none of their friends are married. Not one. No children either. My older children are 30 and 32 and while a handful of their old school friends are married or have kids I'd say the vast majority are not married and still child free.

I went to school with two people who seemingly suddenly became a couple then engaged with rumours of pregnancy all in the space of the Summer Term of our GCSES. It was all definitely very much planned. I think they were just waiting to turn 16 to get married. We didn't even know they liked each other!

They are still together as far as I'm aware, thirty years down the line. I've been working with students who can't understand why anyone would want to marry or have kids as a teen, let alone at 16 so I think the modern mindset is completely different.