Planned to fall pregnant age 15

Well yes, I worded that wrong.

IF you had been born to a 15 year old who had planned it then been angry when you found out seems daft.

It's like me being mad at my Mum for not aborting me when she fell pregnant at 16. I'm obviously glad she didn't.

I understand you are not the OP's child.

But I'd imagine at least 50,% of people with kids ( plural) would get some kind of top up. In reality( unlike on here,) it's a very small % of people who are very high earners. Majority of people in retail hospitality factory work etc etc etc are on or very near minimum wage

Where did you get that 'nugget' from???

DH and I have never had any benefits, apart from child benefit! DH was awarded PIP in his early 60s due to slow heart failure and COPD. Would you like to have that?!!

Virtually every other poster on here claims DLA or PIP, carers or UC. I would’ve said age was a hugely determining factor 20 years ago, I don’t think it is any more. Yes teenage parents are likely to be claiming benefits of some kind but then so are 30 somethings. You clearly move in circles where everyone you know waited til 35 and has a great job so you assume all 35 year olds have a good job.

Not if they've ruined themselves financially at university. (I'm not anti-education but I am anti-university as a for-profit business.)

I also come from a no sex before marriage background, but even my parents' generation married very early by today's standards.

For the love of God is there any way another poster would be reprimanded for relying on top ups or being on benefits like this? Of course not. There is zero different between OP and a 35 year old couple of low earners claiming a UC top up, of which there are many on here.

You just don’t like the fact she was a teenage mum and are looking to twist the knife. I think she’s done fine, and has nothing to be ashamed of.

I've already answered this upthread. It wouldn't be different. But the likelihood of being in a comfortable enough position to not need to rely on benefits is much, much higher for your average 30 year old and almost non-existent for a teenager.

I've certainly heard people in real life saying things like "if you really want one you'll make it happen", or "you might need to go it alone", to women in their 30s. Thankfully I no longer live in that city.

i don’t know anyone at that age wanting a baby, a baby sibling yes, but not a baby of their own. I think it’s bc I come from a background of no sex before marriage, therefore the thought of wanting a baby at that age wouldn’t cross my mind. That’s the problem with kids having sex, they either accidentally fall pregnant and suddenly have to become responsible adults when in reality they are just kids. It shocks me to hear 11 year old kids having sex, honestly ridiculous and the age for having sex should definitely be raised. Kids shouldn’t be making decisions to intentionally have kids

But why would it be different if they had the same jobs making them eligible for top up benefits if they were 30 rather than 16

Even the recent post about a women who’s dh had basically announced a change of mine one or two posters at least have told her to just come off the pill and told tell him till after a couple of months.

there has been plenty of threads over the years where women have been told
To just stop contraception and oh well if they didn’t want children they would have had vasectomies. His not great but Im 39 and really want a baby… stay with him till you get pregnant.

It is funny how women nearing the end of their fertile window are basically told to get pregnant however they can with basically whoever they can

I have never heard, seen or read anyone telling any woman that.

It is funny how women nearing the end of their fertile window are basically told to get pregnant however they can with basically whoever they can yet a teenager 15/16/17/18/19 is irresponsible for doing so.

both ends of the scale can end up with useless deadbeat dads and mums working part time minimum wage but one’s acceptable and neither are likely to get a council house.

Some people I know it’s like a fairy tale do actually find the person they spend their lifetime with young and are those celebrating 60/70 years of marriage not just latching out to the last chance saloon man before menopause hits.

Haven't RTFT but read all the OP's posts
Having a much-loved baby and giving it a stable life and planning as best you can is amazing.

There's a net value to culture and society when people with such solid values have families. It's not all transactional about who earns and who spends exactly how much.

People who think they know better don't have perfect knowledge either; good parents aren't all high band taxpayers with degrees in economics and sociology.

Love and commitment are priceless and all the people having late complicated pregnancies and children with old eggs and old sperm, and who don't question the current financial system but blame individual young mothers, are arguably a bigger drain.

I would have loved to start a family early and in my grandparents' generation it wasn't uncommon for people to start at 15, 16, 19 etc.

Yes we know you and your husband both have jobs. You keep mentioning it. What you haven't said, in spite of being asked at various points, is how many years you've both worked full time for and whether or not you get any in-work benefits that top up your wages or help to pay your rent, or whether you have claimed benefits in the past. Specifically benefits that you would not have been eligible for if you hadn't had a baby at 15.

What do you and your husband do for a living? Do you work full time?

Absolutely. Older mums, and anyone in general, is cheered on to claim benefits on here.

I remember reading some research that said a surprising number of teen pregnancies are planned - and because girls want to be mothers, not for a council house. As you’ve found out, it’s hard to admit to so people allow other people to assume it was an accident.

You are presuming a lot there. Perhaps the OP would like to clarify? She's said that she did GCSEs while PG then went to a college with a nursery attached, which would have been free, I imagine.

She says 'me and my husband both work and he's worked ever since he left school' but she also says he went to college then uni, and he's only 25 now, so I'm not sure how long he's actually been working full time for? Also not sure whether he was technically living with the OP and their child while he was at uni, because if so, there would have been financial help with rent and living expenses, the family would not have been expected to live on his student maintenance loan alone, as would be the case with most other students his age with the assumption that parents would contribute towards his rent.

Or perhaps he lived with his parents or was living in a room in a student house, in which case was the OP her paying rent and bills all by herself in her late teens? Or was she still living at home and her parents were keeping her entirely? She doesn't mention what age she was when she moved out of her parents house, or whether she and her partner have always lived officially as a couple in the same residence since then. She also doesn't say how long she's been working for and whether it's full time, part time or whatever.

But you specifically said that what the OP did was ‘a bit of a waste’?

@Karrotten If either of my daughters had become pregnant at 15 (gulp!) I would have been horrified but that said it sounds as though the maturity you lacked at the time has come to you both. Well done in continuing with your studies, (both of you), it can't have been easy.
I hope you have a long and happy life growing up with your children.

Well, exactly. If a career etc is so fulfilling why do the scales seem to fall from many 38 year olds eyes and they decide they want to be a mother after all? Of course it’s possible to take fulfilment from both, but to make out slaving away to pay taxes is an inherent recipe for happiness compared to having a baby is nonsensical. Op was never guaranteed a life of an amazing career, beautiful home, exciting travel and abundant nice men even without the baby. The vast majority of women, babies or not, do not get this.

Presumably OP lived at home with parents until the baby was 2/3, by which point she said her boyfriend had a job and they rented privately. Unless housing benefit was claimed she didn’t cost the state a penny more than a 30 year old, who is actually more likely to be claiming housing benefit (and other benefits) because they’re old enough to live away from home.

The vast majority of people on benefits that I know having babies started having babies in early 20s and are still at it now, in their mid 30s, on baby number 4 or 5. Usually a mix of UC, DLA, PIP going on. Op didn’t even have her second until fairly recently, so I think you’d be hard pressed to make the case that she’s cost the state more than your average low earning 30 year old.