to think taking photos of someone in a coffin is the height of disrespect?

I’ve just been sorting though tons of my dads photos after he died.

He was a big one for doing this. My husband helping me was shocked to see loads of photos of my mum, who died when I was a child, in her coffin.

I wasn’t, I was in the room at the undertakers when he took them. I’ve since pulled out photos he took of most of my dead family in their coffins.

We had to have a direct cremation for him, so we didn’t get a chance to see his body in a coffin. I bet he was cursing me for not being able to take any photos of him, he loved all that.

Well, quite. Thats why I mentioned Victorian photographs of the dead?

It’s ghoulish, however long it’s been around.

Both my grandmother and her mother, my great grandmother, were part of a team of local women who not only assisted at births but also laid out the dead.
Whenever there was a death in the neighbourhood, at the time nearly all people died at home, two of them would appear at the home of the deceased immediately.They would offer their services and silently ''do the necessary''.Sometimes visiting daily to care for the bereaved relatives as well by doing cooking, housework and shopping until the funeral.On the day of the funeral they would remain the house until the relatives returned from the cemetery or crematorium and have the funeral tea ready.They were known as ''handy women''and often did this frees it was expected this service would be carried out for them when the time came.
They could be latter day doulas as well.When home births were common place they would assist the midwife in what they called a confinement.Often becoming able to deliver the baby before the midwife came.My grandmother first took on this role aged 22 very shortly after my mother's birth when she was present at what was the very difficult labour of my great uncle's wife,fortunatly both mother and baby survived.
These women would say''We see them in and we see them out''

Followed by a photo of the Pope in his coffin...

I think taking pictures of the pope is distasteful, people should just know that FFS. I'm glad the Vatican are asking people not to but of course they will.

I've had two close relatives die. One I was with, one I wasn't. I came back to see my relative a few hours after their death and it was so clear they were gone, their soul was gone, just a shell. It gave me enormous comfort. The other was a traumatic death, I never got to see them and I really struggled with accepting their death.

On a slightly funny note. In Ireland, the open coffin can lead to some right gossip. Oh she didn't look great at all did she, I've seen her look way better, he looked lovely etc. I'm shutting mine anyway, don't intend to be judged in death!!

So not cultural then

It seems as if the Vatican are now enforcing a ‘no pictures’ request, saying that “…taking pictures is not in the best of taste”

Vatican asks visitors not to take pictures of Pope in coffin

https://www.thetimes.com/article/e08b4bd5-8201-4167-affd-02881c205a32?shareToken=630041ecd390abf298b6068f8fdf498f

As horrible as someone posing for a photo of signing a book of condolences. My MP has apparently done that today..

Hadn't realised you meant the Pope. Taking photos is disrespectful I think, but many devout Catholics may think differently. I asked my DD to take a photo of my late DH in his coffin.

Their culture and normal for them.
When I worked at the hospital, one of my porter colleagues mentioned the mum of a deceased patient who took a long time to sort a funeral, so their deceased relative was in our hospital fridge for a long time. They came to visit a lot, and sadly their relative looked worse every time. Not embalmed, so they started to discolour, lips pulled back etc.

That’s really swift! Would be too quick for me personally.

Yes agree, it’s turned into a bit of a circus now.

The Catholic Church lifted the ban on cremation in 1963 and photos of the dead may be cultural but is not a 'Catholic thing'. I find it totally distasteful and feel sad that Pope Francis had no choice in this spectacle as I'm sure it's the last thing he would have wanted.

Judaism and Islam..... according to Google. Burial or cremation within 24 hours of death.

My daughter is a paramedic...she does this too when somebody dies at home.

Nice for some to be able to pick and choose!

Oh Lord! Yes I didn’t think that one through! Walking it back, walking it back…

I used to work in a hospital as a porter... part of my job was assisting in the body store, and some deceased patients were picked up within 24 hours of death as per part of their religion. So funerals can and were done in that time.

There are professional funeral photographers available. It is probably more acceptable due to selfies being so popular.

Its a requirement for some religions. So they must be able to get it all sorted somehow.
I know a school parent got her dh buried the day after death. I can’t remember what religion she was that required that though.

Oh god, don’t nationalise it. Have you seen what’s going on with the rubbish collections in Birmingham? The bodies would be piled up on the streets. And we’d have to have curled up British Rail sandwiches at the wake 🤣🤣

On the timing front, I could have had it within a week if I hasn’t been fussy about the time. But the undertaker said to me that almost everyone wants a funeral to be between 11 and 14:30, so that mourners can get there and back in a day, and they also prefer Thursday / Friday or Monday. If you’re happy with 09:30 on a Tuesday I doubt you’d wait anywhere near 3 weeks!

edited for timings!

Good for you - why shouldn’t someone be carried on their final journey by the people who loved them most, even if they do happen to be women!

It was a true celebration of his life. I was a pallbearer too, which was a huge honour. To her shame, my mum rang the funeral directors and asked if women were allowed to do it. One of his daughters, and two granddaughters carried him to the chapel (along with two sons and a grandson). He would have been so proud of us... even though we went out of step.
Ha, I am tearing up now.

Lol…I can see where your dad got his GSOH!

Sounds like a lovely send off - I’m yet to go to a funeral like that in England (and hope not to have to go to anymore, obviously!).

Absolutely, and fully accept your points about formulaic elements causing problems. This did indeed happen with one of my relatives who we were unable to give a eulogy for in the church as “it’s not a traditional part of the requiem mass”. Of course that little busy body priest has left now and eulogies are back on the menu!

I think where I struggle is say you “want” to have your loved one’s funeral in X amount of time but you are made to wait X weeks longer than you want because of scheduling issues. I think that’s awful and the government really need to step in and set some minimum standards around timings. Nationalise funeral care…or something like that!