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Original poster

Hand flapping

181 replies

Donttellanyone1 · 23/04/2025 15:38

Is this a worry? DD is 7 and has started flapping her hands when she’s excited. She often combines this with running and jumping, sometimes makes a bit of noise too although this has been going on for longer, at least the last two or three years. She also seems to do it when she comes out of school, as if to burn off the excess energy that she’s been holding on to at school. No other signs of ASD that I’m aware of and school haven’t mentioned anything. Should I be worried?

OP posts:
Original poster
Donttellanyone1 · 23/04/2025 16:49

Wow. Just wow. Great to have found such a community of understanding supportive people who realise that we all think things that we aren’t proud of at times. I’ll go and educate myself on how not to be a monster by embracing all the potential difficulties my child may face in her future

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neverbeenskiing · 23/04/2025 16:49

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There is nothing "wrong" with my Autistic children, thanks. They may have a different neuro-type to you but that does not make them less and your views on Autism and the language you use are quite outdated. I totally accept that you don't mean to offend, but some people have clearly been offended by the language you've chosen, so maybe instead of doubling-down on it you could consider listening to them and educating yourself.

Morevinegar · 23/04/2025 16:47

Monster is a perfect term. Educate yourself OP.

Original poster
Donttellanyone1 · 23/04/2025 16:47

For the record I haven’t said I’d be embarrassed to have an autistic child. I said I found it embarrassing when she flapped in public. I would love her and support her just the same if she was or wasn’t, but I can’t pretend that I enjoy that element of her behaviour

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x2boys · 23/04/2025 16:47

WithTheFairies · 23/04/2025 16:40

Your attitude and remarks about neurodivergence and autism are vile. You’ve blithely said that there is “something wrong” with kids with autism, that you are embarrassed by the hand flapping, and implied that neurodivergent children are not “normal” or “happy.”

Just some food for thought.

Its a disability and a huge spectrum minimising it helps no one.
My own child is severly impacted and its certainley not a walk in the park

Donttellanyone1 · 23/04/2025 16:44

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Morevinegar · 23/04/2025 16:44

Parent to two handflappers here! One is diagnosed ADHD, one isn’t. They both do it when they’re very excited or happy. Honestly, there’s nothing I love more than seeing them both overcome with Joy therefore flapping their beautiful little hands about - reading your post is awful, I’m glad you’re judging yourself as you very well should be.

Soonenough · 23/04/2025 16:43

I do this sometimes as an adult. For me it is like a release of energy thing or sometimes excited too . Tend to do it running up the stairs. Don't do it in front of people. Maybe signs of something but so far I have managed to live a fairly normal productive life. Which us all we can hope for our kids . Try not to worry over much but maybe look out for other signs.

itsgettingweird · 23/04/2025 16:42

My DS is autistic. He flapped a bounced a lot at that age - called stimming - but grew out of it and although does do some odd small movements people don’t comment and don’t always even notice.

He's 20 now. Is a software developer and compete for GB in his sport.

In every walk of life you’ll meet an ignorant twat who focusses on a part of you - stimming, glasses, height and weight etc.

But I do think people are a lot more accepting of difference now.

Have a look at sensory seeking and it will recommend some daily activities that can be done to help her recognise the feelings that stimming are giving her and help her find daily coping mechanisms and activities that meet that need. If you have space a trampoline or swing would help.

You could also talk to the school about giving her movement breaks so she isn’t keeping it all inside during the day and needing to stun to reset as soon as she leaves school.

WithTheFairies · 23/04/2025 16:40

Your attitude and remarks about neurodivergence and autism are vile. You’ve blithely said that there is “something wrong” with kids with autism, that you are embarrassed by the hand flapping, and implied that neurodivergent children are not “normal” or “happy.”

Just some food for thought.

WellINeverrr · 23/04/2025 16:39

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What you've written is a really horrible thing to say to a mother who's simply worried about her child.

Original poster
Donttellanyone1 · 23/04/2025 16:38

WithTheFairies · 23/04/2025 16:38

I think probably you need to judge yourself a bit more tbh.

Why?

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Original poster
Donttellanyone1 · 23/04/2025 16:38

WithTheFairies · 23/04/2025 16:32

”Just a normal happy kid.”

My neurodivergent DD is also a normal happy kid. HTH.

I’m genuinely glad that she is. Hopefully whatever happens, my daughter always will be too. I guess it’s fear of the unknown that is the worst part.

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WithTheFairies · 23/04/2025 16:38

I think probably you need to judge yourself a bit more tbh.

Original poster
Donttellanyone1 · 23/04/2025 16:36

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I don’t like that I feel that way but I do. Just being honest as I don’t feel like I can tell anyone irl. I don’t need any more judgement, I’m judging myself for it enough. But I can’t help the way I feel

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neverbeenskiing · 23/04/2025 16:36

QuickPeachPoet · 23/04/2025 16:16

No problem at all with saying that. I’d hate it too.
However this sounds like something she will most likely grow out of.

Show quote history

You'd "hate it"?

Fucking hell. This place is depressing sometimes.

Bumble2016 · 23/04/2025 16:34

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WithTheFairies · 23/04/2025 16:32

”Just a normal happy kid.”

My neurodivergent DD is also a normal happy kid. HTH.

alcoholnightmare · 23/04/2025 16:29

My 5yr old also flaps his hands, we are about to go for an MRI test just to see if there may be any issues. He was born 10 weeks early, and in NICU for 8 weeks, but his twin appears totally fine.
it won’t matter to us if there is an issue at all, we just want to know so we can support him best.

Original poster
Donttellanyone1 · 23/04/2025 16:26

My daughter doesn’t have any of these traits. She sleeps solidly, eats a wide range of food with no issue, enjoys new things/places/activities etc, not bothered about routine, no fixed interests, has a fair few friends, no meltdowns, great at communication both verbal and non verbal, affectionate and empathetic (most of the time). Just a normal happy kid. Apart from the flapping/running thing. I just don’t see other kids doing it

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neverbeenskiing · 23/04/2025 16:20

Donttellanyone1 · 23/04/2025 16:15

I’m not asking for a diagnosis, all I’m asking for is advice or other people’s experiences. I just want to know on the basis of that one thing, is it likely that she’s autistic?

OK, well my experience is that both my Autistic children do this exact thing, especially what you said about when they first come out of school.

I expect you'll also get a lot of responses reassuring you that plenty of NT children do this too though. But ultimately, it's impossible for anyone on this thread to know whether your child has other potential ND traits that have not been picked up which is why I advised speaking to the school SEND team. When my DD was assessed there were so many things mentioned in her report that I had no idea were Autistic traits.

Anonym00se · 23/04/2025 16:18

In the absence of any other autistic traits, your dd won’t have ‘mild autism’ just because she hand flaps. Things you should be looking out for are

  • repetitive behaviours
  • becoming overwhelmed and having meltdowns
  • problems communicating
  • lack of eye contact
  • obsessive interests to the exclusion of everything else
  • difficulty sleeping
  • eating a very narrow range of foods
  • unable to cope with change of routines (eg school holidays)
  • difficulty making/keeping friends
  • Lack of coordination
Firsttimemummyworries · 23/04/2025 16:18

Donttellanyone1 · 23/04/2025 16:12

Thank you, that was such a lovely message to read. Thank you for being so kind. Your daughter also sounds wonderful and I’m
sure with the right support, she’ll do just fine. Would you mind if I asked what her other signs and symptoms were please?

Course not. Exceptionally bright for her age, advanced language skills. However, poor concentration, finds engaging with big groups of people hard, rather be in her own little world haha. Never concentrates on an activity for more than a few minutes. Vocal stims (humming when concentrating). Hand flapping when stressed. All these things could be age related, but I think combined they are red flags x

QuickPeachPoet · 23/04/2025 16:16

Donttellanyone1 · 23/04/2025 16:07

Also, and I feel like the worst mother ever admitting this, but I feel embarrassed by it when she does it. I don’t want people looking at her and thinking that there is something wrong with her. Of course I’ll love her whatever she is or isn’t but is it awful to say that I don’t want her to be autistic? Not meaning to offend anyone, just being honest

No problem at all with saying that. I’d hate it too.
However this sounds like something she will most likely grow out of.

Original poster
Donttellanyone1 · 23/04/2025 16:15

I’m not asking for a diagnosis, all I’m asking for is advice or other people’s experiences. I just want to know on the basis of that one thing, is it likely that she’s autistic?

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