Hand flapping

As the parent of ND children frankly I'm a little tired of having to educate NT people about not using ableist language and stereotypes. It's exhausting. I don't agree that it's lazy to expect someone to reflect on why people have been offended by something they've said and to commit to listening and being open rather than getting defensive and insisting that what they said wasn't offensive. People have offered help, they've posted their own experiences (which OP asked for), their thoughts on why a child might hand-flap and given the reassurance she clearly wants. Some have also taken issue with comments OP made, as they're entitled to do.

Ignore all the nasty comments OP. I understand exactly what you mean. You can love your child with all your heart, but still wish some of their habits or behaviours were less obvious to others. I reckon a lot of people feel that way about their kids, NT or ND, but just aren’t honest enough to admit it.

Hi OP my son does this - always after school, when stressed or anxious or tired or overwhelmed or excited or whenever! Runs and jumps on furniture and flaps and raps (!) and talks to himself. Doesn't seem aware that he's doing it/able to stop.
He's not autistic but I strongly suspect ADHD. He's 6. In other areas of his life he is charming, funny, bright (although academics can be a struggle due to concentration), has lots of friends, sociable, chatty, resilient and very happy.

Your dd may be ND or may be NT. If all else seems fine I wouldn't worry but maybe just keep an eye on her as she gets older so as not to miss any other possible signs of nuerodivergence, just so you're there to assist if needed.

Not sure why everyone is jumping on you tbh. Having ND in the family can be hard, that's why there's support out there!

My DS is like your DD! He is now 15 and still flaps and jumps out of excitement. Over the years, we've taught him it's something best done privately as others might not understand. He is not autistic. Embrace it.

Both my father, my oldest DC and I are a bit like this when we’ve been cooped up all day.

As naturally active people we feel quite ‘fizzy’ and like we have pent up energy to release after sitting still or concentrating.

My son and I shake the sillies out together intentionally at pick up. My father and I will both do star jumps or sprint a short distance - I know I used to shake my hands and skip on the spot as a kid.

all three of us are warm, easy going, socially engaged people with no other autism markers

my point being - there are lots of reasons for flappy hands. No one can tell you if your daughter has a diagnosis based on this one!

Also “ educate yourself “ is such a lazy response when clearly someone needs help. We could say that to any problem on here couldn’t we?

I think it's pretty clear that you posted hoping for reassurance that your child is "normal" (to use your phrasing") and you seem to feel you've got that, so mission accomplished. I'm genuinely surprised that anyone would think hand-flapping alone could result in an Autism diagnosis, but there you go. Hopefully you'll feel less "embarrassed" by your DD flapping now you've been reassured it's not necessarily an Autistic trait. Autistic or not, all children should feel free to be themselves.

Having autism doesn't mean there is something 'wrong' with the person. Educate yourself!

Maybe. But op doubled down on her position even when people had pointed out her clumsiness and then apologised for not being pc enough in her language, rather that for her cruel ignorance.

If she is 7 and there are no other concerns, why would you worry? I would not (all my DC have autism).

This is an upsetting thread to read on so many levels . You were clumsy in your words OP but I can put it down to the fact you were trying to be honest. But equally that doesn’t excuse some of the nastiness on this thread in response

Looking around the playground at pick up, you see all sorts of behaviours. My own child stomps out and barely acknowledges me. I see others running and hugging their mums. Others skipping along. Others may be in tears. Some are demanding snacks. Some are having a meltdown. Nobody will be judging your child or you if she comes out hand flapping.

OP this is a great time to educate yourself. Your language is extremely offensive and inaccurate. We have much more information and knowledge now to know better.

The official diagnosis is being reviewed with a view to moving to Autism Spectrum Condition rather than Disability.
The spectrum is not a line, it’s a circle of which people have different traits to a lesser or greater extent. Stimming is very common in autistic people and often helps someone regulate or self soothe.
No one can diagnose your child but whether your child is autistic or not, it would be good for you to do some research and learn a bit more.

I think you’re being a touch neurotic. You’ve stated that your dd has no other signs of autism so she’s obviously not autistic. Why would you be worrying about her future?

Hand flapping does not equal autism. My eldest has autism. He can’t mask, he is autistic 24/7 and it’s obvious to anyone. My youngest hand-flaps. She does not have autism. If she did I’d have known about it long before now. It’s not a condition that suddenly turns itself on at the age of 7. Please stop worrying.

My nephew did the hand flapping thing. He is 18 now - I still see him do it very occasionally if he is playing a computer game😊.He isn’t autistic and has no other traits.

My best friends son is autistic - one year older. He has never hand flapped. Both young men are super stars. Doing well academically and both are royal pains in the arse - the teenager in strong in them😂.

DD1 did this around that age - diagosed with inattentive adhd at 19 via uni services. She did go though diagnosis process for ASD - they said no to that.

As teen she took up sewing - seemed to stop a lot of the excess hand waving with than.

Really uncommon for girls to be totally off the radar for an autism diagnosis. Until they hit puberty/secondary school age, then suddenly social relationships etc. All become so much more complex and they can't mask any more.

The amount of conversations I've had with adult females lately about their pre teen daughters likely being autistic and they utter the words "she's just like i was at that age" and then penny drops...!

How can you expect a community of understanding people with what you have written? Were you looking for sympathy because your Daughter flaps her hands when excited and that EMBARRASSES you? I hope for your daughter’s sake she isn’t ND.

Yes life can often be a struggle for autistic people and some will struggle more than others.

Stimming is a coping mechanism so the fact she is doing it is a good sign she’s found her own way of managing her sensory needs.

There are other ways which will mean she doesn’t need to flap because she can meet them regularly rather than the energy building up (for want of a better explanation).

Have a look at sensory processing disorder. You may find something there that resonates with you and ideas of daily activities she can do to help her meet her sensory needs.

But autistic people and many people without autism will often have their own stims as such.

Im NT and bite my nails. I’ve always done it. Since my mum was ill and then died I started pulling my eye brows out. It’s a coping mechanism and we all do it to some degree.

You can’t help her not to stun but you can help her to meet her needs more fine so she doesn’t need to stim with big behaviours. But be aware it may not be something she stops completely. She may just change the environment where she does it.

And people shouldn’t judge her for doing it. She does it because it helps her feel calm and centered.

Yes. Do that.

Bye!

Probably best.