Hand flapping

My son does this, will flap his hands, run and jump, usually when over exited about something. He's diagnosed ASD. He however does not display any other trait's. He is friendly, chatty, eats pretty much anything. Has lots of friend's, very loving, I'm only saying this as he was diagnosed young, but didn't necessarily fit into the "typical" boxes. He however does tend to avert eye contact. And can be quite black and white in his thinking around rules.

If you're concerned you can speak to the school, or your GP, if it's something you want to pursue you can go down the right to choose route, which has a quicker waiting time then the NHS, if you're in the UK.

Also if she is ASD she should know and so should other people, there is absolutely nothing worse than a child growing up feeling different and not knowing why, especially when you enter into puberty and teen year's. All my son's friend's know he has ASD and just accept and like him even with his quirks. Please don't be a parent who sends their child out into the world with no support or understanding. I work within a school with lots of SEN children, it's heartbreaking watching them struggle because their parents pride and image out values their needs and support.

OP- I’m sorry you have had a hard time here. I think perhaps you have stumbled blindly into room of parents whose children DO have autism, and used the terminology of someone with no experience of it. That way of speaking is really hard for us to hear, because we would rather other people don’t think of our children like that, but actually we know they do. (Or that’s how I feel- I can’t speak for others).

I don’t know if your daughter has autism. I completely understand that you are fearful that she does. I wish my autistic dc were not autistic- their lives would be so much easier (and frankly so would mine). But if she turns out to be, then it is likely that you will also develop the fierce reaction that you have experienced to some of the terminology you have used.

Some within the asd community will tell you it is not a disability, but I think this undermines the struggles individuals and carers with greater needs. Frankly, I think it would be massively offensive for me to compare the difficulties my kids face with those who require 2:1 support and who cannot effectively communicate etc.

If your daughter does have Asd, she will need your support. Possibly do some research into how Asd affects girls- it is often different to boys and can present in a far more internalised way. Hopefully it won’t turn out to be relevant to you, but it cannot hurt.

Also if possible, try not to take from this that Asd parents are unpleasant, but try to understand how we are constantly having to defend against the negative opinions of others, when we often have so much else to deal with.

Good luck

OP my lovely son hand flapped, still does when excited or nervous..he is 34 just got married to his lovely husband,has no other symptoms obvious to anyone and he has just been diagnosed with autism. I wanted to tell you this because his age is so removed from your little one. He has always flapped and we have a special family name for it that I won't share but he flew through school,hes very popular, flew through university with ease and now has a job earning more than I could ever dream off for a major company. He only got tested to satisfy his husband and we were totally bemused, as he was. Nothing has changed for any of us, infact he reckons its a super power he has! Just a bit of hope for you fast forwarding 20 odd years. Life and people have a funny way of surprising you always and its not all bad I promise you, hang on in there what will be will be my love.. dont try to pre empt things too soon is my advice x

Some of the greatest people in history were believed to be autistic..

Autistic kids are also 'happy kids'

Your attitude towards autism and embarrassment that people might think there's something wrong with your daughter isn't great tbh and i'm glad you feel bad about it because you really need to educate yourself.

It's ok to be concerned but please stop with the stereotyping.

I mean this kindly. You have nothing to worry about if the school have explicitly told you there are no problems at school.

You have zero reason to feel shame. Your feelings are your feelings and they will be shared with many many people. You are just honest about it!

The hand flapping, by itself, would not be enough for me to think that a child might be on the autistic spectrum. There would need to be a constellation of traits and the child would have to have significant difficulties navigating the school environment because of these characteristics.

You seem to have said that this is not the case? I personally don't see the problem with a 7 yr old being excited flapping their hands and running around.

Please just ignore OP. This place is full of bitter women (and yes it is usually women) who have an axe to grind and if anyone dares say that living with an autistic child is anything but bloody marvelous they are utter scum of the Earth 🤣🤣

Hi OP. I frequently read through threads on Mumsnet, but have never replied to a post before. I felt the need to on this occasion as your child sounds very similar to my son (now 9). He has flapped his hands since a very young age, peaking around age 4-6. He does it when he's excited too, or imagining something. He doesn't have any other signs of being ND.

He still flaps now, but less frequently and markedly less at school. His year 4 teacher said she hasn't noticed him doing it at all this year.

I was so worried about him (particularly around people making fun of him), but he's a happy, confident boy who is doing really well at school and in his hobbies. I've never sought diagnosis but have found Complex Motor Stereotypies to best fit what he does. John Hopkins University has a lot of information and there's a useful Facebook group that has helped ease my worries. Might be worth taking a look x

Walking on tip toe frequently

@spring252

People get offended/annoyed about the ‘mild autism’ labelling because it is illogical when the diagnosis requires the person to be significantly impacted in all three areas of the diagnostic triad. Thus, it doesn’t correlate with the word ‘mild’ which does not suggest a ‘significant impact’.

Of course, within the spectrum itself there are individual linear scales for each group of signs/symptoms which every autistic person experiences differently (hence the spiky profile terminology). And of course, there are those with profound needs and those with lower needs. But they all have a diagnosis which has required them to be significantly impacted in their daily life. Some are more significantly affected than others but the word significant is present in all cases. The word mild does not match the diagnostic criteria.

I really wish people would try to understand that. I’m hiding this thread now because they inevitably end up becoming quite upsetting for everyone.

I'm Autistic and don't particulary like person-first language, such as 'person with Autism', but I'm not asking you to refrain from its usage.

Thanks for explaining something I already know. Tiresome. I wasnt actually asking you the question I was pointing out that someone is unhappy each time and will try to police other's language.

I wasn’t referring to anything the OP wrote. That’s why I quoted the poster I was directing my comment at.
Regarding language there are two schools of thought - identity first ‘person with autism’ or ‘autistic person’. Research has shown that identity first tends to be preferred by a lot of parents and professionals and the other tends to be preferred by autistic people who can verbalise their preference. Of course, everyone is different, so the best thing to do is ask.
I don’t like being referred to as one of the ‘Autistics’ or ‘an Autistic’. It sounds quite demeaning and inhuman. I refer to myself as ‘autistic’ rather than person with autism but I don’t group all autistic people into ‘Autistics’. I would say ‘autistic’ people.

peo are getting offended because it’s hard to live with autism and the judgement and ignorance you face. I presume that would be a large part of why you don’t wish that on your child.

im autistic as are my children. I live them and would never change them but speaking for myself I wish I wasn’t autistic. It’s not an easy life. My son can’t even get a school place provided for him due to his needs and I worry for his future. I don’t think it’s hateful to not want him to be autistic and have these challenges because I don’t want him to be so unhappy. One can feel that and still be overflowing with love for their child.

re the hand flapping. That alone isn’t enough for a diagnosis. Maybe speak with school however my experience is unless your child additional needs are disruptive or blatant they will give you off regardless of their suspicions. Also with her being a girl and if the ‘higher functioning’ group she may not show proper signs till her teen years when her peers take off socially and she is possibly left behind. That’s fairly typical for girls. Note the phrase high functioning is problematic, I used it as that was your words and I mean the same thing, but it’s important to know that doesn’t mean life is easier necessarily it just means we are better at masking our differences.

don’t shame the hand flapping. Maybe tackyfullly tell her she may get made fun if for it at school but it’s completely fine to do with you. I have an early memory when I was around that age of being locked for flapping. I stopped flapping and his all my differences and focus led on doing what everyone else did to avoid being mocked. Delayed my diagnosis basically and gave me life long social anxiety. So don’t stop her but a heads up other kids are cruel can’t hurt

and maybe it’s just flapping and that will all it will ever be and she won’t have he challenge if navigating a world not designed for her. Only time will tell. The main thing is if she is happy let her be happy for now. It’s if she starts feeling different and unhappy you should persue this thinking

This everytime. Ive grown up with a sibling with 'high functioning ASD' or Aspergers as the diagnosis also is. This is how they describe themselves, this is how I describe them because thats what the diagnosis is and how they are. They would describe themselves as on the mild end of the spectrum.

But you know, what do they know about their own condition?

You wrote “using crass language about Autistics” which is basically the same. I don’t like being referred to as that so I’ve asked politely if you could not use that way of referring to autistic people.

I don't know why people are giving you such a hard time OP, no one 'wants' their child to be disabled. No one 'wants' their child to be displaying behaviours that they know they could be picked on or bullied for. I've been through all you're going through with DS and at times it's really hard.

People on here piss me off over ASD in several ways though. Firstly always insisting that it's a spectrum (fair enough) and that people aren't affected more mildly/more severely. Of course there are kids who are affected more mildly/more severely - DS lives away from home and is doing a degree apprenticeship. Other kids will never be able to be independent and their parents may be trying to manage a violent young adult who can't cope with leaving the house, isn't continent and has no speech. It's just ridiculous and offensive to suggest that that some people aren't more affected than others. It was far better when there were the Aspergers/Classic autism definitions IMO.

Then there's all the policing of language. You're not allowed to say 'ds with/has autism' you have to say 'autistic ds' or maybe it's the other way round - either way I've had to argue restrictive language a number of times.

Personally I wouldn't get your dd assessed at this stage. Hand flapping is often seen in kids with autism but it's also seen in NT kids too. ASD is not always obvious at age 7 if they are high functioning, DS wasn't picked up until the end of primary and girls can be even later - I know a few that it got to around GCSE time. DS was only picked up because his teacher had literally just gone on a course and had an inkling. I would see how dd goes, read up on all the red flags for high functioning kids - things like black and white thinking, being very literal, not being able to filter out distractions, differences with peers in emotional maturity (as she gets older), difficulties with friendships (as she becomes a teen), difficulties with the sensory overload of secondary school etc. Good luck!

you are getting a hard time op, I think it's because this is a very emotive subject for a lot of people, especially for someone on the spectrum /parents of children on the spectrum who may have had to content with ignorant comments (I have had my share of these comments aswell)so perhaps the initial tone of your post may have triggered those feelings with some posters. I understand that you meant no malice and were genuinely trying to express your concerns for you DD. to answer your question I wouldn't take hand flapping as a stand alone as a sign of autism no. many children stim without it meaning that they are autistic, it's your daughter's way of regulating herself and is generally a good thing she will likely grow out of it and if she doesn't that's ok too. if she does show or begin to show any signs of autism then you could ask for an assessment but from what you describe so far It doesn't sound like it, be aware though that girls are more often later diagnosed as they can often be very skilled at masking. try not to worry and just enjoy your wonderful little girl she sounds fantastic x