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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask what you think should happen with Trans men?

580 replies

Akiddleydiveytoo · 23/04/2025 14:46

OK, I know this is an emotive subject that people feel passionately about so I'm prepared to don my hard hat here in anticipation of the backlash I'm likely to receive. I'm genuinely not trying to be goady though - I am genuinely interested in trying to understand people's opinions on this.

Since the Supreme Court ruling last week there has been lots of discussion about trans women and the impact that the ruling has on their rights to access female only spaces. There has been less debate, however, on the impact that this ruling has on trans men. Surely, if it is ruled that trans women are men, then it follows that trans men are women and should, therefore use women's facilities.

Is this really what women want? A post op trans man who had undergone full gender reassignment surgery would, to ask intents and purpose have a male presenting body complete with muscles, body hair and penis. Would women really be comfortable sharing facilities with such a person. Similarly, should a post op trans woman with breasts and a vagina be forced to share facilities with biological men?

I fully understand and support the need for women to have female only safe spaces and disagree wholeheartedly with trans women competing against biological women in sports due to their genetic advantage but I'm not sure the SC ruling of last week is really the 'triumph' that women's rights activists claim it to be as it presents as many questions as it does answers. I also fear that this judgement will result in single sex spaces being lost altogether as service providers, unable (or unwilling) to comply with all of the legalities and complexities involved, just get rid of single sex provisions in favour of unisex/ gender neutral facilities.

As I said, I've seen lots of debate about this over the last week but, for me, I still have a ton of unanswered questions so I was just wondering what others opinions are.

OP posts:
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lljkk · 23/04/2025 14:56

Nobody guards the toilets now and checks what is between legs to allow entry, and those body parts especially don't get shown in women's toilets. It's rude in the mens to eye up another guy's tadger so typically also not obvious what they do or don't have. So rarely would anyone know if the person has the expected body parts, in reality most people can go where they most fit in at moment.

I've encountered men in ladies toilets before because they misunderstood the signage... amusing not annoying. I'd rather nobody, no strangers, heard me wee, being male or female doesn't really matter in comparison.

On balance, I suspect my life is too short to dwell on this. Toilets: I especially don't care if they are European style, floor to ceiling separation. Maybe that style of toilet is what will become the norm.

Only one of the swimming pools I go to has women regularly appearing in the nude, which is a choice they make & others can avoid as they prefer. Most pools have "mixed" changing rooms so you don't see any nudity except on under 5s.

I support protecting women's sport as single sex and domestic violence shelters need options, too, but this obsession about monitoring who uses which toilets... omg. Leave it.

Nevertrustacop · 23/04/2025 14:56

Just a comment on how likely these women are to have penises... Very few as you know have this surgery. I have just taken courage in both hands and googled 'trans man penis' and been treated to a load of photos of prosthetic penises and a few horrendous botched surgeries. No one is going to be confused.

UndermyShoeJoe · 23/04/2025 14:53

A third space should have been created.

Women and girls don’t want men in their private spaces. Women should have never been forced to have intimate exams or share wards / cells with biological men without their consent or in fear of being called phobic.

Trans men very rarely come up because honestly they don’t seem to cause issues maybe because they are biological women and don’t push and shove till they are heard like men they also don’t commit violent crimes at the same rate as bio men again. Trans men don’t scare or tend to harm women.

Hoppinggreen · 23/04/2025 14:53

Sigh
Transmen are women, they look like women, move like women. They will not have a penis.
Therefore they are welcome in women only spaces
Funny how TM are so important now having been largely ignored by TAs for many many years

Maitri108 · 23/04/2025 14:49

I don't want men in spaces where I am vulnerable such as changing rooms and toilets. I understand that for some, this is very confusing, but there we are.