To have said no to DD10?

Aww, I remember my brother and I setting up a stall in about 1980. I think it was odds and ends for charity and we made a few quid. It's something kids enjoy doing. You could have supervised them making a few simple cornflake cakes and gone along with it after they had made posters.

With DC aged 10 and 12, grit your teeth for the next 8 years. Puberty is going to turn you into the most unreasonable parent God ever put on the earth to procreate your children.

Nothing to do with the growing teens turning into entitled brats, oh no, not them. They are going to spend the next years being perfectly sane, reasonable and polite to their mother.

Just so you know…

Yes, children are emotionally hard labour.

How good are you at saying 'no' to children? Do you say it enough? IMHO it gets easier with practice. The first several dozen occasions are the hardest.
You just have to say no, mean it, and refuse to engage further. If they try whining and wheedling then they get sent to their rooms or other place away from you, because that is bad behaviour.
You have to train them that you mean what you say, and won't tolerate whining.

(Although to be honest if they are 10 and 12 and you have not taken this approach since toddlerhood, it may be that the ship has sailed and you have now made a rod for your own back.)

Never, ever, ever give in once you have said 'no'.
Don't ever feel guilty for saying 'no'. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

@Ablondiebutagoody

Op sounds absolutely exhausted and doesn’t want to have to clean her kitchen all over again. Try having some empathy for her.

Honestly, it's something thats a really popular thing in my village.

My daughter held a bake sale on our driveway two years ago to raise money for the hospital, and we raised £300. Two weeks ago, her football team held a bake sale to raise funds for an upcoming tournament on our local playing field, and we raised over £500.

The girls heavily got involved in designing posters, sharing details of it with family members, helping to bake the cakes and sell them - we took some photos of her at each stage which contributed towards one of her brownie badges.

Is there a way you can set up a specific time/date and get her to work towards planning something properly? That way, she's taking ownership of it and feeling that you are supporting her to do it.

She should of asked you first , before she did the poster
Suggest they go to the friends mums house ,I'm sure she will want the mess expense and time supervising them ..not

My kids used to do it. My neighbours kids do it now. I think it's great!

It is hard work!!

When are yours back at school next week?

in SE England, they are back this week! I'm sure I could hear the collective sigh of parents yesterday morning.

Let her do it, it's a good learning experience either way.

It should! My mum did similar with me when I wanted to hold a pet show in the garden at that age! It's a reality check, but if she's determined it could bring out her entrepreneurial side.

Bless her, and I think it’s a great idea, love her entrepreneurial attitude, but it won’t harm her to learn a life lesson from this. As a ten year old, bless her, her and her friend can’t just decide on a whim to do this, make a load of posters and plan it all out, without checking for permission first. Your reasons for not wanting to do it (freshly cleaned kitchen, cost etc) are all very valid.
My mum would never have agreed to this on a whim when I was ten. It would be something that would be needed to be properly planned out beforehand. Your daughter may be upset now, but she will cope. I’m sure we were all upset for similar reasons multiple times when we were young.

Yeah, that should put them right off the idea!!🤣🤣

I third this. Great idea.

Are you offering to go around and clean up after 2 10 -year-olds have baked? That's so kind of you.

Let her pay for part of the ingredients from pocket / birthday money.

For now (with her friend being over) you need to just say no and that you'll discuss it later. Then when the friend is gone, say what you've said here but in an age-appropriate way that allows her to see how it impacts you w/o making her feel too awful.

Then I'd def plan a time when she can do some baking - say (as a PP says) for a school bake sale or to give to someone.

I would tell her she can do it at May half term, or in the summer holidays - there will be more 'passing trade' then. They could even maybe do it at the local playground as it's less likely to just be your next-door neighbour! HOWEVER:

1. She has to buy the raw ingredients herself. And no raiding her piggy-bank, she has to earn the money especially for the project, so she can really see the value of it. Maybe write up a list of chores and how much they're worth and she can earn it that way? Look up the cost of the ingredients online and have her work out how much she'll need to spend for a few different recipes and what's reasonable to charge, so she can see which would have the best margin.
2. They can use the kitchen to make them on the understanding that they then also clean up afterwards until it's SPOTLESS - and make sure they do.
3. No hard-selling or extortionate prices
4. Maybe discuss some ideas for making the stall more appealing - a tablecloth they pick up in a charity shop maybe, bunting they make themselves, ensuring there's no litter anywhere around
5. Stress the importance of food hygiene. Insist they wash their hands thoroughly (watch videos on the best way to do it) before they bake, and encourage them to use tongs rather than their hands to serve them, and keep the cakes covered from flies etc
6. A percentage of the profits for charity would be nice! Maybe take the opportunity to talk about various worthy causes and support a smaller local charity?

That would be my approach anyway!

YANBU to have said no. But I don't think you need to turn it into a negative thing - she's likely just got excited about something that she really likes the idea of, rather than trying to get one up on you, and actually it shows an entrepreneurial spirit and a keenness to work to make money, both of which are actually good attributes.

Kids don't control everything. I wouldn't have it either OP, YANBU.

If it was a pre planned cake making day (without bake sale) then I'd be the first to go all out as I love those types of activities. But two 10 year olds deciding out of the blue that they're going to make a huge mess in my kitchen, no thanks.

Also if she knows it's a no then I'd be having a conversation about the way she went about this, using her friend to try and get what she wants.

My kids do this sometimes. I just go with it, they make some money, no one is pressured or hassled. It’s fun for them. If they do make money you could tax a little for the costs.

Besides anything a lot of people never have cash on them these days. They'd need a card reader.

I would let them make some cakes for themselves
but I agree about the sitting outside harassing neighbours, no way would I allow that.

Poor kid. Let her do it