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Original poster

My friend says I walk like a penguin

113 replies

Helpmeout99 · 23/04/2025 10:48

Back story: We have been friends for 20years, having met through our husbands, and can have a lovely, fun time when together. My friend has struggled with her temper in the past and has form for being a bit unkind then apologising after so we carry on- this behaviour has improved as she has got older and had children. She is less judgemental than she was now she is a mum herself, however she still has a tendency to feel life is harder for her and that she gets a raw deal whereas im quite a positive and upbeat person. This in the past has annoyed her and she has told me so.
last week it was her birthday and I took her out for afternoon tea and we then went shopping. I felt bad for her as she didnt find anything nice to buy and has been feeling down about her body as she has put on a lot of weight in the last few years and I just want her to feel good about herself.
Fast forward to a couple of days ago and we were out for a walk with our youngest children who are 6, when her daughter told me “mummy laughs at you for walking like a penguin” I said what do you mean and she repeated it and did a funny walk. I am not aware that I walk oddly and if I do feel that it is not kind to make fun of me for it. I called my friend who was walking ahead and said what her child had just said and she laughed and said well u do then added “shall I pull the knife out of your back now?” I was shocked but she then started talking about something else before adding that I walk with my feet at ten to two..
she text me later to say it was lovely to see me and did I want to go out for my birthday this week?
I feel really hurt that I know she laughs at me and makes comments, albeit stupid ones, behind my back. I would never make a comment or talk badly behind my friends backs and she knows this. I think the reason I feel so hurt is I feel used, ive taken her out for her birthday, I pick up her daughter from school twice a week and take her swimming and to brownies with my little girl and here she is taking the piss out of me! I go out of my way to be a good friend and help her with childcare, invite her over regularly for girls nights and bbqs and the invites are never returned.
she tells me im her best friend but honestly I feel im being used and made fun of.
Am I being unreasonable and completely ridiculous to feel so upset and strongly over this stupid comment? Do I need to give my head a wobble and accept that she can be great fun and just has a side when in that kind of mood or do I move on from this friendship?

OP posts:
uncomfortablydumb60 · 23/04/2025 12:36

I echo your sentiment at just being glad your legs work
As I said, I was born with CP, and my DPs were told I’d probably never walk.
At 21/2 I took my first steps and at 60, I am still mobile, although need a walker thing now.

InWalksBarberalla · 23/04/2025 12:33

ScaryM0nster · 23/04/2025 11:04

There’s a big leap here that it was meant maliciously, which isn’t necessarily the case with younger children involved.

It’s pretty common to add short descriptions to people to make them easier to remember / distinguish between. We do it all the time without noticing. Eg. Claire, the one whose husband wears those yellow trainers; tall Matt, nanny Sarah etc. it could be as simple as that being the descriptor that came to mind. In itself it’s an observation not a nasty comment.

(and if you walk behind someone who walks with ten to two feet it’s really noticeable to some people).

Before you write off a long-standing friendship, take a pause and consider whether you think it’s really malice or if it’s just tactless. You may respond to the two differently.

The OP picks up the 'friend's' child from school twice a week and takes her to swimming and brownies. If by some stretch the child is struggling to remember who the OP is surely that would make a better description 'you know so and so mums who took you to swimming last night and every other week' rather than 'the woman that walks like a penguin, ha-ha'.

ScottishEggs · 23/04/2025 12:31

I agree with the PP who said she takes the OP's kindness as weakness.

I have one leg shorter than the other following a major accident and a limp. I definitely am very noticeably limpy and wobbly. I'd be terribly hurt if someone said that about me.

She isn't a friend IMO. I'm not sure how I would be able to get past the nastiness tbh.

Original poster
Helpmeout99 · 23/04/2025 12:31

ksksn10 · 23/04/2025 12:23

There's loads of reasons for it, if you people watch loads of people have funny gaits anyway. As long as you aren't tripping a lot or struggling with stamina. (obviously see a doc if you are).

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Exactly! I feel that im lucky to have legs that work and take me where I want them, so even if its in a funny way, im grateful they do what I need them to lol 😂

OP posts:
Garlicchillilime · 23/04/2025 12:31

This woman is no friend and sounds like she embodies the phrase ‘misery loves company’. Don’t give that to her- ditch!

ksksn10 · 23/04/2025 12:23

redsquirrel07 · 23/04/2025 12:21

I've been told I walk like a penguin / waddle/ walk 'funny'.

I've always wondered what people meant and have considered getting some kind of professional opinion on my gait. I have remembered each time someone has commented though and it is hurtful. I can't help the way I walk! That said, it doesn't stop being able to lead a normal life so I'm not sure it needs addressing particularly.

I'm sorry that your friend has been laughing behind your back, it's cruel and unnecessary and those sorts of comments can live with you for a long time.

There's loads of reasons for it, if you people watch loads of people have funny gaits anyway. As long as you aren't tripping a lot or struggling with stamina. (obviously see a doc if you are).

redsquirrel07 · 23/04/2025 12:21

I've been told I walk like a penguin / waddle/ walk 'funny'.

I've always wondered what people meant and have considered getting some kind of professional opinion on my gait. I have remembered each time someone has commented though and it is hurtful. I can't help the way I walk! That said, it doesn't stop being able to lead a normal life so I'm not sure it needs addressing particularly.

I'm sorry that your friend has been laughing behind your back, it's cruel and unnecessary and those sorts of comments can live with you for a long time.

Original poster
Helpmeout99 · 23/04/2025 12:21

Daisyvodka · 23/04/2025 12:15

She actually told you that it annoys her that you are a positive and upbeat person? Wow.
You sound absolutely lovely, and from a fellow person with a funny walk, the question you need to ask yourself is do you really need someone in your life who moans to and about you, or are you just hanging on because you think it's the nice thing to do. (Ive made the same mistake myself!) She sounds like she's struggling a bit, but she's not a teenager, and displaying bullying behaviours in front of her daughter just shows she isn't a thoughtful or nice person, she isn't growing up and she's letting it affect you.

Yes we had gone away for the weekend and I was trying to jolly her out of a mood and hse turned on me and told me that I didnt have a clue about real life and lived in a stupid little bubble. I pointed out that as a Nurse on a critical care ward who had to regularly deliver bad news to relatives, see the highs and lows or recovery… or not then perform last offices on patient’s that I felt I had a very good grip on reality and what is important. At this point I was a Mum of three young children and she had none- we had planned this weekend for ages and I was determined to enjoy and make the most of it. I truly believe that Life is what you make it. After the holiday she apologised and asked If I would ever go away with her again and I said no and have stuck to that. I should have probably ended the friendship then but am a massive people pleaser and tend to tolerate more than I probably should- this is something im actively working on.

OP posts:
ksksn10 · 23/04/2025 12:17

What a lovely friend. Tell her she walks like a dickhead.

Daisyvodka · 23/04/2025 12:15

She actually told you that it annoys her that you are a positive and upbeat person? Wow.
You sound absolutely lovely, and from a fellow person with a funny walk, the question you need to ask yourself is do you really need someone in your life who moans to and about you, or are you just hanging on because you think it's the nice thing to do. (Ive made the same mistake myself!) She sounds like she's struggling a bit, but she's not a teenager, and displaying bullying behaviours in front of her daughter just shows she isn't a thoughtful or nice person, she isn't growing up and she's letting it affect you.

MrsPeterHarris · 23/04/2025 12:14

justkeepswimingswiming · 23/04/2025 10:49

I would end the friendship. She’s no friend, she just wants to belittle others to make herself feel good. What a bitch.

Totally agree!

Original poster
Helpmeout99 · 23/04/2025 12:13

Seeyouincourtkeithyoutwat · 23/04/2025 11:58

How would she react if you took the piss out of her appearance?

she would be incredibly upset and I just could never do that for that exact reason x

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmeout99 · 23/04/2025 12:12

Breadcat24 · 23/04/2025 12:02

Oh god you are so much nicer than me - I would have snapped back "at least I am a slim penguin"

God I wish I had the balls or quick thinking to do that lol x

OP posts:
Mickeychampionwhatgoodami · 23/04/2025 12:10

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 23/04/2025 11:00

She's an arsehole. I can't stand the "I tell it like it is, I don't sugar coat things" crowd. It's just a excuse to be an absolute cunt. Do yourself a favour and ditch her. She's a user and you deserve better.

Also she's taking op kindness as weakness and using her.
She ain't no friend op.

DonewhatIcando · 23/04/2025 12:06

I'm not surprised that you're upset.
That was a shitty comment.
Coming from her 6yr old shows that your "D"F is actually mocking you behind your back and to add to the insult she's mocking you to a child, a child that you go out of your way to help with.
I'd cut her off, she's not your friend

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/04/2025 12:05

I'm sure those who she laughs with about you can do all the running round after her DD seeing as howshe clearly gets on so well with them.

Breadcat24 · 23/04/2025 12:02

Oh god you are so much nicer than me - I would have snapped back "at least I am a slim penguin"

Seeyouincourtkeithyoutwat · 23/04/2025 11:58

How would she react if you took the piss out of her appearance?

menopausalfart · 23/04/2025 11:55

I wouldn't end the friendship over the comment. I would end it as it's so one-sided, though. Balls to that.

MammaTo · 23/04/2025 11:51

She’s not a friend, I cannot bare people who feel shit about themselves and make others feel bad to make themselves feel better. It’s the worst type of person IME.

LlynTegid · 23/04/2025 11:47

Time to end the friendship. Said to you once you could gloss over, not to her own young child.

JustSawJohnny · 23/04/2025 11:44

Helpmeout99 · 23/04/2025 10:52

Yes I think that is how feel, this comment has made me feel really shitty about myself and I feel stupid for feeling bad about her struggling with her body and how she looks when she is taking the piss out of me and my body.

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With everything you say you show your hurt BUT ALSO empathy and understanding for her.

When does she ever give you the same grace?

I'd bet pretty much never.

She needs to realise how much you do for her and what a, frankly, utterly shit friend she can be.

nomas · 23/04/2025 11:38

Helpmeout99 · 23/04/2025 11:32

Hmm I see what you mean and appreciate this perspective- maybe my expectation is of her to be someone she cannot 100% be all the time? In which case it is on me to decide what I will and wont tolerate.
I have a lovely group of friends so it is up to me to decide if this friendship is worth continuing- I think its hard because I do care and want the best for her and I care for her children too,so I either accept this side and call her out on it or cut my losses maybe?

Show quote history

You could use this penguin comment as a step change.

Tell her you will no longer be able to take her dd to swimming and brownies.

Wait for things to settle after that.

And then have a conversation with her that the penguin comment really hurt you and that this has to stop if she wants the friendship to continue.

Original poster
Helpmeout99 · 23/04/2025 11:37

PhilippaGeorgiou · 23/04/2025 11:29

OP - this is honestly not me missing the point of the thread (she sounds horrible), but if she is correct about the way that you walk it might be a good idea to get a physio referral just to check it out. It may be nothing, but that kind of gait can also be indicative of muscular / hip or spinal problems. I know because it happened to me. It can be one of the first indicators of an underlying problem that could be years in development but seriously impact on your health in the future. And caught early enough it may be able to be corrected.

My husband tells me that there is no issue with how I walk and nobody else has commented but I appreciate what you are saying x

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/04/2025 11:35

She is nasty. Your positivity has set your focus on the tiny nice parts of her. Time to see the big picture.

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