My friend says I walk like a penguin

.......time for me to stop questioning why I feel like I need a hip replacement at 52😫

Exactly. But what a lot of (not very good) recreational ballet teachers forget to tell their students is that it is the whole leg they are supposed to be turning out, not just the feet. That puts a strain on both the ankle joint and the knee, which is unhelpful at best, and can cause permanent joint damage at worst. The thing is, of course, that the overwhelming majority of people do not have hip sockets which facilitate full turnout, which is not ten to two, but a quarter to three...

Yes, that's true, but the feet just remind me of the start position, turnout?

I remember my ballet teacher shouting TEN TO TWO, GIIIIIRLS!! TEN TO TWOOOOOO!!

😂

It's flat turnout from the hips that makes it easy to do ballet, - ie being able to sit in the lotus position or frog position, and do the sideways splits. The whole leg rotates outwards from the hip socket. 🙂

I know a few professional ballet dancers, and they do walk funny.

Brilliant 😁

she text me later to say it was lovely to see me and did I want to go out for my birthday this week?

"Thanks for the offer, but I am off to Antarctica to celebrate with my real friends 🐧"

You are being used and made fun of.
She is no friend. She is a classic mean girl

I would tell her exactly what you've said here. Remind her of all that you do for her and tell her that you're hurt and disappointed that she talks badly of you behind your back. Then watch her response. You'll know immediately if she's honestly sorry and reflective or if she's just a mean user. Then you can decide. But make sure she knows how she's made you feel.

Are you always so disingenuous?

You sound like a fantastic friend! I missed the point of your thread entirely as I was too busy wishing I had a friend like you, genuinely. I don’t have any friends (due to my life circumstances making it impossible to meet people) yet there’s people like this woman treating decent, solid gold friends like you, so terribly. Life is unfair! I don’t think I’ve ever been ‘taken out‘ by a friend anywhere, ever! I’ve been used a lot by a 20+ year ‘bestie’ and tolerated by others but that’s about it - so take my advice with a pinch of salt….!

You need to, at the very least, have a decent chat with her about why she feels the need to disrespect you and make it clear how much it hurts you. Then if she does it again, sack her off. Though tbh, I’d walk away now; however perhaps that’s why I have no friends now?! Hmmm

It's hurtful. Do you think she actually knows that is hurtful and not considered ok to do this?
She reminds me of one of my good friends who I really do treasure but who can say some very negative things while in a mood and does not regulate well. Sometimes she genuinely does not understand why something is hurtful. She dies not intend malice. Pp mentioned that it there's a lot of internal negativity it can seem just normal.
In your situation I would not punish the child but I would talk to your friend and say that it really sucks to hear that, etc. See if she can come to understand. Ultimately you may end up pulling back somewhat anyway but it may not be malice or intent to hurt.

This is actually worse than the penguin thing op. It is clear from a distant perspective that not only is she jealous of you, she also despises you for the attributes she can only dream of having. The living in a little bubble comment is dreadful and full of disdain. I would distance myself and surround myself with lovely kind people like yourself. She needs you more than you need her by the sounds of it. Also she sounds as though she would benefit from therapy to address how her insecurities are affecting her relationships.

She clearly doesn't deserve you as a friend, OP. However we're advised to walk like penguins in the icy weather to prevent falling, so I think you should stick with her until the winter when you can have a good laugh at her landing on her arse.

I’m also interested to know this OP. Has she fallen out with everyone over the years?

Does she have many other friends?

I can’t imagine she does.

Full disclosure: I also have 'ten to two' feet 😁I was really self-conscious about it when I was a kid thanks to an obnoxious school gate mum loudly pointing it out.

Anyway. When I initially started reading your post, I thought 'Oh, that was something that was probably said really lightly to a child and it's just massively unfortunate that the child didn't know she shouldn't pass it on, just forget about it' but then your friend's reaction, and the other things you've told us about her, have changed my view on this. She does sound unpleasant.

I think most people have probably said something about a friend, even if it's just meant as an affectionate observation of one of their quirks, that we wouldn't say in front of them. Occasionally it comes back to bite us on the arse when it gets overheard or, as in this case, repeated by a kid who doesn't know any better. But I think most of us, in that situation, would be utterly mortified and apologise profusely and beg to be forgiven for being such a dick - whereas your friend bloody doubled down on it! What a cow.

It’s usually bitter and jealous people who behave like this. Keep at arm’s length

I think the penguin comment is the least of your problems with her. She's a C.F. Using you for free childcare \ taxi service.

Get rid. She's unkind and a user. She doesn't even like you.

Either you walk like a penguin in which you say “yes, yes I do” Or, you don’t walk like a penguin and you say “that’s silly, no I don’t” why would you say that?

TBH if this is the worst she has done, mucking about with her daughter, it’s hardly the crime of the century. Tell her how much it upset you and let her understand what she has done.

If there are lots of other things she does, re-evaluate the friendship. In any event, cut back on the one sided favours as that never ends well.

tell her you're too busy to meet up for your Birthday
You're going to the zoo
to watch the penguins.

She'll get the message.

Eh?

Just don't take it on board, if she is fun to be around mostly and you like her company mostly then crack on. I don't understand why ppl are so sensitive, I am sure I am annoying to losts of ppl but so what I wouldn't deliberately hurt someone, am supportive and a good listener, I am unlikely to change.

I had a flashback reading your thread title to when someone said those exact words to me in school, complete with demonstratory waddle.

It has been thirty years since then and I can still remember how much that got to me! I was paranoid about how I was walking for ages. Comments like that are so cruel because they niggle at you for such a long time.

I agree that this is nothing like normal friendly teasing. You only joke about things the other person is going to laugh at.