He no longer wants kids

What about from the POV of the new human being created? It wouldn’t be a child for long. No father. Older single mother it might get stick taking care of just as it’s entering the prime of life.

People need to put their own emotions on the back burner and think about the implications of these choices.

This is what I would do OP. However, I would tell him first that you are coming off contraception and he can shit or get off the pot, so to speak. If he’s not up for that get some donor sperm or look for a coparent . You can always try self insemination first if you don’t want to do IVF.

Step into your power , OP. You have so much more than you think xx

You are not overreacting op.

If you would not have bought the house with him knowingly you won’t have children then you need to separate and figure out where you both are.

You know very well that it isn’t great to separate when things in life happen (loss of parents, change of family dynamic…etc…) but children is something you could really get resentful for so you need to figure it out if there is a future or not.

I am sorry op. Good luck🌺

Had an uncomplicated pregnancy, full term healthy baby at 42 via donor sperm. First attempt at assisted conception too ( and I had a long term gynaecological problem as well).
If you really want to be a mum. It can happen. There are always individuals who defy the statistics. Living proof with my DC. 😀

If he doesn't want children, and you do, then he can be the person responsible for birth control. Get off the pill, contraception is no longer your problem. The real problem here is whether or not he's willing to walk the talk or has he already walked the talk? Has he had, or is he going to have, a vasectomy? If he has not yet had a vasectomy then what he may be saying is he doesn't want children with you. If he is willing to let you age out of fecundity but unwilling to curtail his own reproductive system, then you have your answer.

Waiting over a year before he told you while letting you be the person responsible for birth control is manipulative and selfish because it signaled to you that he was willing to have children. That was him stealing fertile time from you. That's not a little thing, it's huge, and massively self-consumed.

He has stolen precious time from you and betrayed you at a fundamental level.

You are someone who knows how to be in a long term relationship and you are very patient and have worked on yourself. You will find another partner who will love you and want children with you. People come and go in our lives and we have to let them. It is not easy.

My exH did this, hence he is now an ex.

your DP has seriously messed you around BIG time! This is a major life decision and he has left you hanging while you are now in a possibly trickier time to ttc. Not impossible though.
Personally I could never forgive or forget this, so if he doesn’t change his mind personally I’d leave him. Id rather have the chance and if he is any sort of substance he will too. But be ready for he won’t and even if he does do you want him as a fellow parent?
if you’re serious check out sperm donor ivf clinics, London, Barcelona and India specialise in women over 40. Good luck.

My partner and I agreed we didn't want children when I was 16 and he was 19. We happily lived together for over 10 years, but I changed my mind at 30. I wanted children. He was a good man, and we talked about it. I told him it was make or break, we either have children or go our separate ways. Thankfully, he agreed, and we had two fabulous sons. At 40, you are getting very close to not being able to conceive. You need a strict conversation and an ultimatum. Have children or split up. You will always be angry with him if you don't do something

You’re not and if he doesn’t want kids walk away now so you can still have kids! I never wanted kids but I have 2 and love them more than anything!! You don’t have the luxury of waiting to see.

Hi OP your DP needed a baby ultimatum 5 years ago, not just now, so you had time to act, if he then said he wasn’t ready when you were 36. You could’ve found another partner in time. He dicked about yes, and gone back on an agreement, but you have just let him do this, with no pressure on him, about your feelings on the matter. Hes let your clock run down. You need to have it out with him once n for all. If he won’t change his mind then unfortunately it’s probably the end of the road for your relationship

He, being a man, has still many years left where he can change his mind on having children - or not. You, being a woman and 40+, do not have that luxury. Knowing myself, at this stage, I would stop taking my pill - ánd tell him ! That or regretting u till you're a 100 you never grabbed the chance to have a child when you still had the possibility. And yes, I would prefer raising a child on my own ober not havi g a child at all. (Of course these are only my personal feelings, maybe to you it feels totally different.)

Don’t waste anymore time on this man, you will resent him for the rest of your life if you do … and understandably so. He has broken his promise, if he’d told you he didn’t want kids at the beginning you wouldn’t have continued the relationship. It’s a deal breaker so give him the ring back and tell him having children is a deal breaker and so here’s your ring. And you’ll be calling an agent to get property valued etc.
with what you get from the property, get a sperm donor and become the mother you long to be.

you are not unreasonable at all, I would be getting my ducks in a row and planning my future ..of which he won’t be a part of. I see this as a betrayal on his part, you had life plans and he just decides to change them and expect you to go along with it. No, not how this works. He’s got to go, trust has gone

I had my last (4th) child at 41 so it is possible to go and have a child. I think you will hold this against him in years to come if you didn't at least try for a baby and you will split anyway and how would you feel if you split and he went on to have a child with someone else? I got talking to a woman on the bus a number of years back who at age ,52 and having never been able to find the right partner went to a sperm bank and had her little boy. Said it was the best thing she had ever done.

Firstly get off the pill. You should not put your health at risk for his benefit. He can use condoms. We did and after 15 years became pregnant when we chose to. It is a reliable contraception.

You know you will never be likely to have a child now. Age is against you from getting pregnant and finding a partner. If this was something you really wanted then I think you would have pushed harder than you have done and I don’t think (from your post) that you are financially or emotionally strong to go solo.

But can you stay with him and get over the resentment of how he strung you along? Make the decision child /no child then finish the house and see if relationship is repairable. He hasn’t been honest because if he had said so 8 years ago then you would have moved on.

"I'd give up on the baby, that ship has sailed."

No, not necessarily, but I'd cut my losses, get off the pill, consider a sperm donor , etc. I also think you need some counselling yourself. Be kind to yourself and honest.

I always think this when there are stories about celebrities having babies in their 50s too. Chances are they either froze eggs or embryos at a younger age or used donor eggs.

Yes, see my previous post!

I meant the poster’s 51 year old pal had donor eggs. So quoting her as a success story isn’t really helpful to the OP, who has indicated she doesn’t want to do IVF anyway.

Ah, I guess you’re talking about the 50 yo! Yes I assumed she’d frozen embryos at a younger age or similar

Why? Plenty of people use their own eggs at 40.

I used a cumulative probability calculator online 🤷🏻‍♀️ I didn’t think it sounded right either.

And yes, agree

I presume your pal had donor eggs?

Exactly. It’s 0.92 to the power of 12 which is a 37% chance of not getting pregnant. As many have pointed out, these numbers vary wildly based on individual circumstance. It’s valid to say it may not possible, but equally valid to say there’s a good chance of success. The first step is to get tested, though I think the OP may have made a different decision, I wish her all the luck and happiness.

I'm pretty bad at maths but I don't think that's how percentages work - 8% a month becoming 75% a year. If the chance on not becoming pregnant each month is 92%, then the chance of a pregnancy in a year is no way getting close to 75%. And it's as much about being able to keep the pregnancy to term as it it to get pregnant. There's lots of different figures being given on this thread, plus the usual 'my friend got pregnant no problem at 48', but unless OP starts trying or gets her fertility checked out, she's no way of knowing what her reality will be.

You're trapped now, with the house, so now he is letting his real self seep out. I am sorry for your loss - the loss of the child you might have had, and the loss of the man you thought was kind. You're right about one thing, though - he really does understand you. He's played you like a fiddle. Please think about moving toward a life without this misbegotten git in it. You can be content alone, you really can.

Just saying: 2 healthy children at age 41 and 43 respectively, much older husband. ( 2 miscarriages inbetween live birtgs and 1 following youngest).
I do understand that OP's ND adds a considerable complication...feel for you OP ++++