To not understand parents who send young kids to boarding school?

Babies and toddlers do sleep at nursery, albeit during the day.

That's not what I said though?

A lot of boarders will have a parent who doesn’t work, or works very flexibly. Some work at home. Either way, their children have been at home for a month, not at school.

@Another76543 how is that different to dc not in boarding schools? Plus even on the days I wfh I wouldn't call that spending time with my dc, Im working!

I could have written that!

Babies and toddlers do sleep at nursery, albeit during the day.

i think some parents have legitimate reasons for boarding school but why pretend all do?

I'm just giving my opinion like everyone else, but when it differs to some, im asked for stats or evidence and told my opinion is pointless. Very hypocritical when they don't have their own stats or evidence.

A lot of boarders will have a parent who doesn’t work, or works very flexibly. Some work at home. Either way, their children have been at home for a month, not at school.

DD could have boarded from 8 (chorister) but I took the decision that she shouldn't as she was very young in her year. I'm not sure I would do the same if I had my chance again as being a one trick music pony in the horrible London private day school arena was incredibly damaging for her and left her nearly broken. Specialist boarding at 16 put her back together again but if only I could have spared her the pain of the intervening years.

A few of my friends are the same. Most of them boarded because their fathers worked overseas, some were in the Foreign Office/British Council, a couple in the military and a few worked for big multi-national companies. Only one of them hated their time at boarding school, the others enjoyed it.

We're all old though, so this would have been in the late 50s/1960's. Women married to men in senior roles were expected to travel with them if they were posted overseas and boarding was a lot more usual for the moneyed classes.

However, I am a bit judgey about someone I know who had both their children in weekly boarding from 11. The parents lived on the Surrey/Berks border and the children were in separate boarding schools in Sussex. I'm sure that they could have found suitable schools near enough for them to be day pupils, and the parents were absolutely loaded so could easily have afforded fees for the best local independent schools. The children are in their 20s now, and the parents have moved to Sussex, and bought a house almost equidistant between the schools the children went to, within walking distance in the case of one of them.

But you are saying they are the same thing, children don't wake up or sleep over at nursery do they?

The comment was in response to posters saying that parents shouldn’t pay others to parent their children. Parents who use full time nursery 8-6 every day will barely see their children. Their children spend more waking hours being looked after by others than their parents. I’m not criticising either choice. I’m pointing out that different families make different decisions, and shouldn't be criticised for doing what works for them.

Ok I'm out. There's literally no point to this. Those who are anti are completely out of touch with what it really means to board and seem to think that there's only one definition of parenting too. Anyone who defends boarding is being slated and sniped at, so I'm out. Feel free to carry on bouncing around your echo chamber.

Boarding parents will, in most cases, have spent the past 4 weeks with their children, far more than children at most other schools.

How does that work, do most boarding school parents not work?

Both of my parents went to boarding schools from the age of 11. They were boarding schools for deaf children and they both loved their schools. In my mom's case especially it was good for her to be around deaf people because her own mother never even bothered to learn sign language even though her own daughter was completely deaf.

You could level that criticism against any parent who chooses to use any form of child care. There are plenty of parents who could afford to “parent their own children” but who choose to go back to work, often full time, and put their babies into nurseries.

Are people now equating nurseries with boarding school?!

That’s an interesting take. I think that putting kids into care is in their best interest and that’s why it’s done. Maybe your system is different than mine but the only reason they do it where I live is because it’s in their best interest.

I’m not a boarding parent. I’m merely trying to point out that parents make different decisions. You seem quite angry at decisions others make which don’t even affect you.

Yes, so basically everyone else parenting the child, rather than the actual parents.

@RancidRuby sure...an ability to use initiative, solve problems, take responsibility for personal organisation, way beyond what ordinary teens do...most long suffering parents will eye roll and pick up the dirty laundry so they won't have to deal with a last minute crisis. The matron of a boarding house won't do that. The kid will go to lessons in kit, receive a sanction and get organised next week for laundry day.

Organised prep sessions every night with no phones allowed and staff available to help with difficulties.

Older students organise additional study /revision sessions after dinner

Access to sports facilities to allow gym/swim after work is done.

Ability to form respectful but friendly relations with boarding staff

Taking on "big sibling" roles with younger students, encouraging them to participate and take their share of duties

I have no doubt you'll come back with lots of ways in which day kids and their parents can replicate all that and that's fine, but I've worked in boarding schools now for a long time. There's so much ignorance displayed on this thread it's really depressing. The idea that it might be fantastic for some kids is fought against so hard but I've met dozens who actively want to board, ask to when they live near and could be day kids, ask to so they'll work more, ask to so they can do late and early sports sessions. Loads of benefits for kids who want to be there, and you'd be surprised by how many do.

Truth hurts doesn't it?

Boarding parents will, in most cases, have spent the past 4 weeks with their children, far more than children at most other schools. They’ll be home again in a couple of weeks for a long weekend, and home again for a week in May. They’ll then be back to school for 4 weeks before they have another 9 weeks off until September. That doesn’t even take account of the fact that many boarders don’t full time board anyway and will be home for several days a week. So many people don’t understand the boarding system.

My friend taught at one, they took some children very young, she said it was heartbreaking.
There were a lot of foreign students and lots flexi boarding. There was a girl whose mum was a surgeon and thought weekly boarding was less lonely than having a nanny, however the school was hundreds of miles away which seemed bizarre.

Last summer I was on a park and ride bus and there was a woman with a teenage girl behind me. The girl clearly went away to school and the woman was talking to her about who her friends were and what subjects she liked and what she might do. I would say the girl was 14/15. The woman seemed to know virtually nothing about her, I assumed it was an aunt or grandma taking her out for the day, until she called her Mum.
The worst of it was the mum seemed hugely irritated and bored of the conversation and the girl was clearly playing up for attention. I know it’s not representative of all boarders but she seemed to be so disengaged for her, it’s really stayed with me.

That’s really rude and offensive (and I say that as someone who has decided against boarding for my own children). Many boarding parents are more involved in their children’s lives than some others who may live with their children, but whose children spend most of their time in their rooms and who don’t even eat together as a family. There are plenty of parents who live with their children but have no idea what they are really up to.

Why don't you pro boarders want to parent your own children for gods sake.....is it too much effort for you.

You could level that criticism against any parent who chooses to use any form of child care. There are plenty of parents who could afford to “parent their own children” but who choose to go back to work, often full time, and put their babies into nurseries.

What stats or evidence is anyone on here producing to say that it's good for children to board? none, but you're all demanding evidence to the contrary. Bring up your own children and stop paying for others to do it for you.