Page 14 | To not understand parents who send young kids to boarding school?

Roxietrees · 2025-04-22T22:50:23+00:00

I know some parents may not have much of a choice but to send DC to boarding school eg. Working in a foreign country with no international schools close by (although I believe that’s a career choice that’s probably not compatible with having kids). I also understand teens who maybe want that experience and if the parents have the money why not. But what I can’t get my head round is wealthy families living in the UK, where the mum is a SAHM and the kids are shipped off to boarding school aged 7 because it’s “family tradition”. Especially the ones that don’t come home at weekends. What is the point in having kids if you’re effectively going to put them in a posh care home by the time they’re 7??

Tricho · 23/04/2025 00:25

Roxietrees · 23/04/2025 00:23

Oh god quit wasting my time!

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Sorry am I getting in the way of your mean girl night in?

miniaturepixieonacid · 23/04/2025 00:25

@PullTheBricksDown usually the same bed in the sane room although there can be shuffling depending on numbers in each night. And it's generally the case that 1 bed will have someone who sleeps in it on say, a Tuesday, then someone else has it Thursdays and Fridays (with clean bedding, obv!!) Fridays tend to be very busy (max capacity is 75 ish, I think) whereas Mondays are very quiet - only around a 3rd of beds taken.

Original poster

Roxietrees · 23/04/2025 00:23

Tricho · 23/04/2025 00:21

Either is OK

My problem is the faux sincerity of being curious when you're just looking to judge people based on your preconceived notions.

Whether you're judging or not, own it. Cut the fakery.

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Oh god quit wasting my time!

OP posts:

Tricho · 23/04/2025 00:21

Roxietrees · 23/04/2025 00:19

Ok then. I’m not judging. That answer ok?

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Either is OK

My problem is the faux sincerity of being curious when you're just looking to judge people based on your preconceived notions.

Whether you're judging or not, own it. Cut the fakery.

Original poster

Roxietrees · 23/04/2025 00:19

Tricho · 23/04/2025 00:17

Don't take this the wrong way.

But you are making little to no sense.

"Yeah but no but yeah I am but I'm not"

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Ok then. I’m not judging. That answer ok?

OP posts:

Original poster

Roxietrees · 23/04/2025 00:18

miniaturepixieonacid · 23/04/2025 00:02

I work in a prep school with boarding. Flexi boarding (mostly 1 night a week some 2 nights) is popular from Year 3 up. But weekly and full boarders under the age of 10 or 11 are highly unusual. And almost all our boarders, even Year 8s, have reasons for being boarders. Most are either international or on bursaries for families with particularly adverse circumstances. Very few families send their under 13s, and certainly their under 11s, to boarding school just 'because'.

Our current full boarders:
8 international students ages 10-13 there to learn English.
2 with both parents in the forces aged 9 and 13.
2 with deceased parent/s and living in very difficult/deprived conditions aged 12 and 13
1 highly gifted who struggled socially in a very deprived area from a chaotic family aged 13
1 with disabled parents from a very deprived background aged 12
1 with disabled sibling from a very chaotic family aged 11
1 seemingly 'just because' aged 12

Edited

Trying not to make assumptions based on stereotypes BUT if many of these kids come from deprived areas/parents are deceased how do they afford the fees?

OP posts:

Moopsie · 23/04/2025 00:18

Playing devil’s advocate, is it better for a child/children to have a nanny at home instead of board? Because many of us do that and it’s still someone else looking after them most of the week.

Tricho · 23/04/2025 00:17

Roxietrees · 23/04/2025 00:15

I said I was judging didn’t I? It’s not something I’ve ever agreed with, I firmly believe young children need to be at home with their parents as long as they have a stable home. But who am I to judge? I know nothing about the world of boarding schools and elite families so explain it to me. I said I wasn’t going to judge your answer

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Don't take this the wrong way.

But you are making little to no sense.

"Yeah but no but yeah I am but I'm not"

Original poster

Roxietrees · 23/04/2025 00:15

Tricho · 23/04/2025 00:04

Are you judging or not then

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I said I was judging didn’t I? It’s not something I’ve ever agreed with, I firmly believe young children need to be at home with their parents as long as they have a stable home. But who am I to judge? I know nothing about the world of boarding schools and elite families so explain it to me. I said I wasn’t going to judge your answer

OP posts:

PullTheBricksDown · 23/04/2025 00:11

@miniaturepixieonacid I'm curious, for kids who are boarding one or two nights a week, do they get a different room / bed each time like a hotel? Or is it the same bed in the same room but they're only there every Tuesday?

CraftyGin · 23/04/2025 00:06

Roxietrees · 22/04/2025 23:58

I am judging - I have a friend whose life was pretty much ruined by it. But I’m also curious, so if you send your dc to boarding school I’d be interested to know why…won’t judge your answer

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I am curious as to why women procreate with numerous men...I think boarding school would be great for those offspring.

Tricho · 23/04/2025 00:04

Roxietrees · 22/04/2025 23:58

I am judging - I have a friend whose life was pretty much ruined by it. But I’m also curious, so if you send your dc to boarding school I’d be interested to know why…won’t judge your answer

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Are you judging or not then

miniaturepixieonacid · 23/04/2025 00:02

I work in a prep school with boarding. Flexi boarding (mostly 1 night a week some 2 nights) is popular from Year 3 up. But weekly and full boarders under the age of 10 or 11 are highly unusual. And almost all our boarders, even Year 8s, have reasons for being boarders. Most are either international or on bursaries for families with particularly adverse circumstances. Very few families send their under 13s, and certainly their under 11s, to boarding school just 'because'.

Our current full boarders:
8 international students ages 10-13 there to learn English.
2 with both parents in the forces aged 9 and 13.
2 with deceased parent/s and living in very difficult/deprived conditions aged 12 and 13
1 highly gifted who struggled socially in a very deprived area from a chaotic family aged 13
1 with disabled parents from a very deprived background aged 12
1 with disabled sibling from a very chaotic family aged 11
1 seemingly 'just because' aged 12

Moopsie · 23/04/2025 00:02

It’s a pretty recent change (i.e past 50-100 years) that wealthier parents have children for the ‘joy’ of raising them. Having children wasn’t as much of a choice back then as it was now, admittedly but there are many other reasons why people decide to procreate.

People have children to have a legacy, pass on their genes and family traditions, guarantee the succession of wealth and property.

I definitely don’t come from money and I’m not in the boarding school money earning bracket but as someone with a demanding career and very full life I can definitely see why people do it.

Boarding school was a dream for me, I asked if I could go several times from about 6 and my parents asked me who TF I thought I was. 😂

Original poster

Roxietrees · 22/04/2025 23:58

Tricho · 22/04/2025 23:51

It's not for you to understand others legitimate and safe parenting choices.

Especially if you're coming at it immediately from a place of judgement and not curiosity. Which the words "shipped off" and "posh care home" suggest you are

Hth x

Edited

I am judging - I have a friend whose life was pretty much ruined by it. But I’m also curious, so if you send your dc to boarding school I’d be interested to know why…won’t judge your answer

OP posts:

Stichintime · 22/04/2025 23:52

I don't understand it either, but it's a totally different culture I have little experience of.

ayonoosh · 22/04/2025 23:51

Completely agree. It's bizarre to me. Kids get traumatised by it.

Tricho · 22/04/2025 23:51

It's not for you to understand others legitimate and safe parenting choices.

Especially if you're coming at it immediately from a place of judgement and not curiosity. Which the words "shipped off" and "posh care home" suggest you are

Hth x