To not understand parents who send young kids to boarding school?

The chorister one is interesting (personal experience of it), as mentioned by a PP. The child is - usually - passionate about music and singing, and I doubt there is any better musical education to be had.

But with that often comes the requirement to board, as chorister life is an exceptionally busy one.

So, like other scenarios mentioned, boarding happens not because it’s tradition or the parents want a breather, but because it’s a necessity in pursuing what the child seems to want. (And the audition process is pretty bloody rigorous to make sure the child fits all aspects).

This is what I thought I was quoting, but the quote function seems to be very hit and miss at the moment.

You're seriously claiming that families with the money to send their children to boarding schools don't have nannies and it's the parents changing nappies, getting up at night with the baby and so on? Really?

There's an illuminating thread about the boarding experience running at the moment, mostly from the perspective of adults who were boarders. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5319413-lifelong-impact-of-going-to-boarding-school?latest=1

One post there really stood out to me:

I was a day pupil at a private school that also had some boarders. One of my (boarding) friends admitted that from the moment her parents, oh so casually, floated the idea of boarding school to her, she knew they were very open to not having her in their lives for months at a time. She described it as a type of death and that she grieved horribly for the relationship she'd thought she had with her parents.

It's not a world I have any experience of, and in adult life I am very grateful for that.

Yes you will…

DS1 weekly boarded from Y6 to Y9. He only stopped because the boarding house closed. He has complex disabilities and the school he was at provided a brilliant waking day curriculum. He adored boarding and his relationship with his younger brother improved.

Independent or emotionally blunted. My dad went to one and shut down emotionally as a survival technique. He has cracked on with life but it has effected his marriage and other relationships especially with his parents when they were alive. He also enjoyed school and knew no different.

Hopefully parents with a nanny still look after them everyday. Give the breakfast or dinner, read them stories, play with them after work. Be there in the night when they have a nightmare. See them and look after them all weekendIt's not like they are presented to the parents for an hour like the Royals were.

It's quite different also having a nanny looking after a couple of kids to a matron(?) looking after several.

I doubt this is the answer you want but I went to boarding school (both my parents were in the RAF) and absolutely loved it.

My older sister boarded from 7-18 (in the 50s) as that was the family tradition. She was very happy and matured into an independent, self-reliant woman who was happy to travel solo (eg Afghanistan overland in a bus in the 70s) and to eat anything that was put in front of her. Imo, a big downside was that she didn't belong to a local friendship group (all her school pals were scattered worldwide) and was so independent that she never found anyone to share her life with. She was an amazing woman and had fond memories of her school days.

I am so sorry 🌷

My dad was sent to boarding school at age seven, like another poster’s. His mother took him out at eleven but by then it was too late. It’s affected him - and his relationships with his children - hugely. These things trickle down the generations.

My dc chose to go for 6th form, applied and interviewed herself and got a means tested bursary from a specific scheme now defunct. Her dc may board from 11 as in military

Different Cultures have different ways of living and raising children. I think you are probably missing the fact that not all of the people raised in a country are from the same culture. For example very very few boarding school children will have ever gone to childcare outside the home as preschoolers. Even Nannies are fairly rare in that cohort because babies and toddlers are seen as needing to be at home. Different ideas about raising children are a good thing. We don’t need uniform sausages from a standard sausage factory upbringing.

I was out walking a few Sundays ago and passed a mini bus belonging to a lovely prep in Sussex. Several parents waiting by the bus and about twelve under tens boarding the bus. All looked happy, content and relaxed. It wouldn’t be for me but who am I to judge

The number of UK SAHMs who ship their children off to boarding at age 7, for the sake of tradition, will virtually be non-existent nowadays. There are plenty of more up-to-date social issues to worry about and parenting choices for you to judge.

I completely agree. Although I don't think the foreign job excuses it either because that's a choice. One parent could still live in the UK if they wanted to or they could choose jobs in the UK.

My dad was sent to boarding school at 7 and he was incredibly damaged by it. He was never able to cope with family life when he and my mum had kids. It was horrendous for everyone and then he drank himself to death.

Very, very few british children would board at that age nowadays, so I really don't think it's something to worry about. Those who do, have probably got such shit parents that they're better off boarding!

Do you also judge parents who have kids to shove them into 'day care' from babies? That's a choice too. An hour at bedtime is not ideal either. Kids who go to childminder, school, ASC, clubs then home to shove a meal down and go to bed.

Parents do what they feel is right for their children at that point in life. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
Some children thrive, some don't, rather like in any schools. See all the threads on here about kids who just go to local schools and are with parents day to day. Still end up with anxiety, depression, many still get abused even with mum and dad there.
Boarding schools are not 1930s style anymore. A lot of kids might thrive with the structured days and everything in one place.

My brother boarded from age 8 - he was a Cathedral chorister and had choir practice from 7.30 every morning, school and 6 services a week which usually didn’t finish until 7.15 in the evening. He didn’t love boarding but loved the music and still does a lot of music now. The boarding was required by the cathedral because of the music commitments even though we lived in the same town. My parents didn’t make it board to send him away so would see him every day for a chat and a hug.

I suspect quite a high proportion of boarders from y3 onwards are choristers.

I think before I’d start a thread like this I’d research how many schools offer boarding before 11.
Google suggests 87% of all boarders are at a senior school. Those who attend boarding school for the prep years offer a tiny amount of boarding but 2/3 are day pupils (so not boarders despite attending that type of school).
Right now there’s a current MN thread regarding how much time is acceptable for a year 7 student to travel for secondary, many suggest that traveling over one hour each way is not unusual without the walking to bus/train part. So 1.5 hrs from home twice daily on top of class time and potential afterschool activities.
The schools my family researched offered transport home Friday afternoon and pick up Sunday evening. Boarding M-F max as bank holidays and seasonal holidays means several 4 day weeks. This means a child can participate in after school opportunities.
Risk; staff with any checks will surely be better than random persons that an 11 yr old could be potentially stuck with on a bus or train.

Cell phones mean the kids can be contact with their parents. With the past negative history of boarding school syndrome, the vast majority of boarding schools emphasize student mental health and well-being.
Today’s boarding environment is very different to 30 years ago.

random.

Really you can't imagine why it might be different to have some reprieve by going home at night away from the bullies and with people who love you and where you feel safe?

Funny, I was going to say the that. They must have their reasons, whether they're good reasons or fair to the child/ren is another thing

Parents usually have particular reasons for boarding their children. I struggle more with the concept of handing over a baby to a nursery for 40 or more hours per week but equally understand that there are always reasons for doing so.