What's your attitude to money?

I think that many people think that “Can I afford something? “ and “Should I buy something? “ are one of the same.

As many of the past posters have said, having plenty of money available doesn’t necessarily have to change your opinion on what something is worth.
Being in control, and not being interested in other people’s opinions or views on things is what enables people to make much more independent choices. The opposite to this is putting views of others in first place, or more likely, not realising what your own views are, which in a consumerist society like ours generally means parting with money left right and centre.

I am lucky in that I don’t feel the social pressure so much. When I look objectively I don’t like the preened look , I tend to prefer my own dinners to most restaurants . All this makes saying no much easier. For friends and family I arrange low cost things - “come round to mine for cake” sort of things . If they don’t like me because I cut my own hair and don’t iron my clothes then I suspect they are too shallow for me and I don’t mind losing potential friends - prune them early and only keep the good ones. In my group sone people are extremely well off but others have way less. We are mostly quite open about finances in a none judgemental way. It’s about having the right friends I begin to see at the end of this waffle!

I'm a natural saver and it's easy for me not to spend money on things like clothes, hair, beauty treatments etc. I do like eating in nice restaurants with friends, so that's something I'm prepared to splash out on occasionally, but I also like going for a curry or somewhere cheap and cheerful.

There's no simple answer to this OP. Do you have a monthly budget (using a spreadsheet or an app)? If so, you should create one, allowing for repayment of your debt but some fun money too.

Lol doesn't actually work like that. I've never been rich and always managed money well though so I had a decent lifestyle. Buy clothes secondhand, use freebie sites/ bootsaled for house stuff, get cut and blow dry at training academy for a fiver etc I inherited about 60k a few years back. But my attitude to money still hasn't changed. I won't fritter it away on " stuff" . My car is still the same , house not extended etc

The one expensive thing I spend on is a personal trainer. Our body is the only home we have and I want it well looked after and healthy. Everything else, I am not bothered about. I get my hair cut once a year. I don't do any beauty treatments. I live in a small house and outgoings are low, as are my earnings. I work in a part time flexible job. I haven't been abroad since about 2016. I like cooking at my house for friends. DP and I have maybe 2 expensive dinners out a year as a treat - its not an everyday occurence.

I have a couple of investments I made from inheriting really young (loss of a parent), which I have no intention of frittering away. If I am smart with those investments they will last me until I am retired, at which point I can liquidate and live off them then.

I have a credit card but don't use it much. I have car finance and a student loan but thats it. I live within my means.

We don’t “keep up” but it probably looks like we do.

I couldn’t care less what other people do, but I like nice things for me so I’ve got the big house, Range Rover, holidays etc. but this isn’t keeping up. It’s because I liked the house so bought it, wanted a big car so got one, work hard and find it difficult to relax anywhere that doesn’t have sunshine.

We do save a lot, because I want my children to have a head start.

Happy enough to eat the odd McDonalds, wouldn’t thank you for a fancy restaurant except for a birthday - and I’m awful at spending money on clothes for myself but will happily for the rest of my family. I’m good to myself for hair cuts/beauty appointments though.

Reasonably good. I manage it very carefully though. I have always been fairly poor, so havent had too. I check my accoumt a lot. Think caredully before I buy. I'd be stressed if there was no money to pay for a bill, however I can't go without some treats and I'm def not a miser.

I prioritise the non essentials which mean more too me. I don't care about make up, expensive clothes or expensive stuff for the house and I cut my own hair. I choose to use my discretionary spending mostly on experiences. I guess if I had more money, I'd feel less like I'd have to manage it so much and just be able to buy things. Wouldn't have to look for cheap deals so much or have to choose which treat I want.

This. I've drifted away from friends on a much higher income unless they're genuinely happy to do things that I can afford. We've paid off our mortgage but are now supporting DC through university. Knowing we are securely housed though is worth a thousand fancy haircuts, meals out and gel nail treatments. I admire that you've bought your own place OP. And sometimes other people's spending is built on a tower of credit and at some point that will have to be repaid.

I don't spend money on most of the things I'm expected to because I don't care about them. I don't care enough about cars so I haven't upgraded mine, I don't care about fancy coffee and am completely content with instant coffee or home made tea, I have no idea what beauty treatments I'm expected to do - I sometimes get my hair cut and I'm happy to pay for a good hairdresser because my hair is one of my few vanities.

I spread my bills evenly over the year - each month pay some towards electricity, phone etc so there are no months with say three large large bills. I pay bills and save first so I'm not really that concerned with how the rest of it is spent.

I'm pleased my son who is on a very low wage currently is following my money advice - very relaxed about money as he quickly built up an emergency fund, keeps his costs low by watching out for sales or buying clothes second hand and has a ball with his friends playing sports, camping hanging out together etc and saves about half of his pay. His friends on higher wages have run out of money before their next pay. and are often stressed about it

Like me, because he lives simply most of the time, he does have money to splash out on more expensive things when they do matter to him.

It’s part of life when you’re younger and at the start of your career to struggle with the money you’ve got. You’re still laying the foundations for your future comfort. You see people your age with “better” lifestyles and it hurts. Nowadays there’s social media to rub it in…

The first years after university I lived large but hand to mouth. Don’t regret a thing!
The first five years of marriage we were overstretched on an 11% mortgage. Socialization was dinner with friends and holidays were every two years maybe. But we knew it wasn’t going to be forever.

Through luck, good timing, small inheritances and flexibility our careers took off and we decided to invest in houses. We bought a house and made a profit each time we moved city, which was often. DC2 had lived in 4 places before the age of 3!
We bought this house cash and the last two are rented out for an equitable monthly amount, ready to be sold if necessary. All above board and with landlord tax benefits (Italy).
We have money tied up, investment plans and cash for 3 months+ in the bank.

DH got shares, private pension, private health care for us all and took early retirement. I did my own thing around childcare and hope to continue doing it well into retirement age. We have simple tastes and a non-flashy lifestyle, knowing that we could do a lot more but choose not to. Low profile all the way!

Kids went to State school (private in Italy is mostly religious institutions and state shines brighter) but paid activities with emphasis on engagement. DC1 is on a good career path and DC2 is looking for a secure job around a non-lucrative passion.

I look back on our early struggles, see them as a necessary effort that I had the optimism and energy to get through. And I thank my lucky stars that I found a good’un in DH.

I’ll spend a lot on some things but not others. I would never dream of buying designer clothes as that just seems a colossal waste of money to me. Rarely bother getting a haircut as you can get away with it when you have longer hair. I don’t bother with beauty treatments, nails etc. But I do buy some good quality make up. I also like buying high quality wooden furniture for our home. I guess I prefer to splash out on things that will last. Though I do also see the value in holidays and meals out so we do budget for that.

I am always amazed at how some of my friends who earn less than half of what I do seem to have a much nicer lifestyle. But they don't save into a pension and are just relying on the state one (and their husbands public sector one) and they have a lot on Klarna and credit cards.

My online banking tells me how much I have left to spend after direct debit bills each month and I stick to that for ‘fun’ spending. I put some money into a savings account on pay day.

I eat out about 1-3 times a week on average at just average price places. Hair cut about once a year, I dye it myself. No beauty treatments. My friends are similar and don’t have a high maintenance ‘look’ so I don’t feel pressure to keep up with that.

I find it hard with unexpected bills though. Things like something going wrong round the house or with the car. School trips away for the kids. They are always growing out of their clothes and needing new shoes. Loads of insurance bills. I have savings but it feels like there are so many boring things to pay for

We manage ok but could do so much better!

• use groupon and discount sites a lot for days out / meals and occasional treatments - birthday haircut was £20 at a posh salon in the city centre
• spread things out over a longer period so don’t go for meals every time your asked, go every second or third time
• don’t do things just because someone else is!
• suggest cheaper options to the group - you are definitely never the only one thinking it, people rarely want to be the one to raise it!
• I always google cheapest way to do X and look for discount codes or offers - so generally go to cinema on Tuesday or Wednesday using 241 meerkat code, buy theatre tickets on discount sites,
• Have recently suggested we pay for our own meals rather than split when out with a group so people can eat what they want on their own budget - most people are more than happy doing this but just didn’t want to be the one to suggest it!!

I like managing my money. I have spreadsheets and financial plans. I am my own / the family Finance Director. Sadly my DH passed away, and ive had to step up to get my finances and our DCs family finances in order (inc uni costs too). I’m now also a full, sole Power of attorney for an elderly relative and managing her finances too, now that she is in a care home. I have had a very good professional Financial Advisor to help me with all this.

i get quite a kick out of managing the finances effectively and responsibly for everyone. It doesn’t phase me.

First post nails it. 💯 agree.

I was brought up to save and not buy something if I can't afford it. No buying on credit etc. I have largely stuck to that, mortgage and car loan no withstanding. It does mean we are a one car house and don't get a holiday every year, and only go abroad once in a blue moon, eat out once every few months ( usually lunch), buy second hand clothes mostly etc but I can afford a decent haircut regularly and activities for the kids and I don't worry about money. I'd take that over several holidays a year on the credit card.

Can you take the lead on plans and make suggestions that fit with your budget? Maybe a picnic & play frisbee in the park, or a walk through a lovely park/outdoor beauty spot, etc, meet for coffee & cake. Your friends might enjoy something that is different, doesn’t just involve sitting, eating & spending money.

Can you budget for one fancy meal out a month to try to be able to join your friends?

congratulations on buying your home!

This ^

and
I've never felt pressure to go to fancy restaurants, go on holidays, get beauty treatments or hair done.

This ^

I save up for things I want that are a treat.
Realising how hard it was to save, I wouldn't then blow that on something I didn't think was good vfm.

To the extent that, now we are free from childcare costs and mortgages, and have both got to the top of our careers / earning power, and I do have money in the bank to spend as we want, I still prefer to get 'value for money' for anything I spend. I am quite staggered at what some people spend on 'luxuries' or 'treats'.

I don't get stressed by it. I'm not a very sociable person so I don't get any pressure to spend money going out. I just go out with DH and dcs and we don't eat out much, we always take a packed lunch out with us. I'll go for a coffee or lunch out occasionally but generally to fairly inexpensive places, and it's not often (once a year) so I don't worry about the cost.
I don't spend any money getting my hair done or on beauty treatments. We do spend fun money on trips out as a family, but that's planned to be within our means and is a mix of free activities and some paid ones. We don't have any pressure to do those, we just pick out things that we like the sound of and we go as a family, not with other families, so it's purely our decision.

I'm not great with money. I do have some savings, but I'm very much a spender.
I'm not always in debt, but I will go through periods of owing money on my credit card.
However, I enjoy my life- meals out, holidays and all. There's no pockets in shrouds after all.
I think my attitude comes from me being a fairly optimistic person- I usually feel everything will turn out ok.

I earn a reasonable salary but would live within my means even if I earned much less. My parents had very little and I definitely learnt that you go without if you can't afford it.

My only debt is my mortgage and I managed to save each month (have hit the overpayment limit on mortgage). I'll cut back more when the DC go to uni. I know I spend a fair bit that I can cut back on but it helps me to cope (e.g. takeaways when work is really busy/stressful)

I think it also depends where you live and Tue culture there. So for example the last place I lived was very middle class, affluent etc. however the norm was to do dinner at each others houses, walk up hills and meet for coffee at home. So all very easy to keep up with. My current place is the opposite and we can't afford it. Whilst you don't want to keep up with jones' it's very hard maintaining friendships with ppl who want to do expensive things.

You go for coffee instead - fancy coffee place isn’t as much as dinner or lunch.
Or you go less-I stead of 3-4 times you go out once or twice.
Or bond over a hobby- gym, etc

I’m naturally frugal but I live on disability benefits so I consider the value to me of every £ I spend. For example I have a monthly haircut and colour £45 but I only have one functional arm so it’s worth every penny
Also knowing the difference between need and want.
I buy secondhand where possible and never buy new without an offer or code
I I live a simple life, but I have everything I need.