To think the role of grandparents has changed in a generation?

I grew up in the eighties. My mum (and all my friends mums) were sahps they would help each other out if one mum wanted to go to town or had an appointment another mum would have the kids. They also took turns in having kids round to play. My grandparents were all aged around 55-70 and all retired/never worked so they would help out with jobs in house/babysit. One set I would stay with for a couple weeks every summer hols.
when I had my eldest, grandparents were early ffties and all still working (my mum got a job when I was 12) they would do occasionally babysitting. By time I had youngest , three of them had retired one helped a bit (odd half day) but two had health issues so were more limited.

I think over the past thirty years we have lost communities due to services changing, more two income households, people working longer, children in childcare, more migration. Social media has changed how we communicate with each other and lockdown made people far less social. I don’t think the changes have been for the better.

My grandparents on both sides had very little involvement when we were children, we'd visit weekly, our parents done the parenting.

My own parents were very involved with all the grandchildren, helping me and my siblings.

Ime grandparents are more involved these days.

I agree with being older so the grandparents are too old which is the case in my family as they'd love to look after their grandchildren. But I also think there are lots of people who weren't even interested much in their own kids (I had many friends with parents like this) so it's not surprising they don't want much to do with their grandchildren either. I also think this varies by culture as many cultures are more people orientated, whereas some are much more insular.

My grandparents (both sets) lived a long distance away so we only visited in school holidays. I stayed with my beloved Gran for a week as a teenager and loved it.
My own Mum only helped out twice, but again lived a long distance away.

I'm now a Granny and I look after my DGS several days a week and dropped to part time to do so. He starts school in September and I will do drop offs and pick ups and start again looking after my new DGD when my DD goes back to work. It's a joy to do so. His Nursery is round the corner from my house so on the days I work he still trots round with DD and is at my house when I get home :)

I had my kids in my 20s and DD is 31 so I'm young enough to cope with a 4 year old at 6am 😁 We've done toddler groups, soft play, all the usual stuff and have met so many other grandparents doing exactly the same... Certainly where I live Granny care is very much alive and kicking!

I heard that 1 in 7 kids aren't in touch with grandparents, sometimes because family breakdown (going no contact is a relatively new thing) and others are still actively travelling in retirement/don't want to be tied into commitments at home with grandkids.

My mum is no longer with us, so I guess that's part of the stats too. My dad seemingly cba to keep up with his grandkid, despite having email/phone/contact details. He has always been rubbish at keeping up with me too, so history repeats.

YABU.

This is completely different family to family.
Your experience is nothing like mine.
I never, ever stayed with either of my Grandparents except when we did so as a whole family.
I'd say it seems much more common for Grandparents to have their dgc overnight now than at any stage in the past.

I think it's down to the individual families. My grandparents never had us for an over night or even a few hours during the day. One of our parents was always there. My own partners were more involved, they'd take mine for sleepovers regularly, took them for days out, would always have them if we wanted a weekend away. Now I'm a grandma, I have my grand daughter 4 days a week so her mam can work. She's 18 months and I love every minute of having her, even though it's tiring by the end of the week.

When I was little my grandparents watched me all the time for my mum to work. I also frequently had sleepovers with grandparents.

As an adult, I live 5 minutes from my mum and 20 mins from my dad. My mum never babysits and sees my kids maybe 3/4 times a year- usually for bigger things like Christmas . My dad hasn’t even met my youngest (who is 2). We have no contact with DH’s family. My parents are in elderly- both are in their 50’s and in good health.

Tonight my husband took my son to a&e with a suspected UTI and it now looks like he might need emergency surgery. It’s not even occurred to my mum to come and sit here with my (sleeping) other kids to let me go over and sit with my son. She simply asked me to text her in the morning to let her know how the night goes.

I think it’s interesting as my mum relied so heavily on family support but it’s non existent for us.

When I was a child one set of grandparents were deceased and the others lived 400 miles away. We saw them a few times a year, usually for a week or two at a time.
My DC had only one grandparent who was healthy and geographically close enough to see them monthly. We saw the grandparents who lived overseas once a year.
I look after two of my DGC every week, having moved after retirement to live closer. Other grandchild is 6.5 hours away. All the other grandparents are also a couple of hours away but visit and do overnights when needed.

Among my family and friends involvement with grandchildren seems to be largely down to geography. Most of us are providing childcare very regularly where possible.

One grandfather lived abroad. I saw him 4 or 5 times that I can recall.
One grandfather was autistic and became a recluse when I was very young. He also lived two hundred miles away. I saw him three or four times.
One of my grandmothers died when I was two.
My other grandmother I didn't meet until I was 30 because my mum fell out with her and was none contact.

So the idea that change on this is new is bollocks.

If I look into my family history there's plenty of cases where the kids fuck off for a new life abroad and then never see their parents again. Or move to a completely different part of the country to find work.

Example: I have Irish family and when one of my great great grandmothers died when the kids where in their teens/early twenties they all left. One went to Canada. Three went to California. One went to Seattle. Three stayed in Ireland (but only one married and had children and she was the one who didn't remain with her father). And then my great grandmother went to America, the Belgium, then France before ending up in the UK when war broke out in 1914.

None of them had family support raising grandkids!

My mum (widowed with 2 children, 4 & 8) got very little help from either sets of grandparents. This was late 60s/70s. Not because they didn't want to, but there was a bit of physical distance and also both my mum and dad each had 5 siblings, so there were a lot of grandchildren! They couldn't possibly have helped everyone. My children had a good bit of grandparent involvement, but not "childcare" as such, which was fine, just logistic issues really. I'm not a grandparent (yet) but hope to offer what help works for us all when the time comes. Still working full time at the mo, but that should change in the next 4/5 years

I'm 60, I don't remember my parents ever even considering having time away without us. My Dad occasionally went away for work. I didn't have grandparents who lived nearby. From about 7 upwards I would stay with my auntie and cousins for a few days in the school hols.

I believe Orca whales get to be grannies too - this is to retain and share experience and knowledge, such as best routes/places to go or what to do in certain circumstances, but ultimately all this helps grandkids' chances of survival - not looking after them directly but looking out for them and their pod. It stuck with me after reading this, as I felt it showed how grannies are actually a valuable resource in nature which is a nice thought.
I'm not sure if this is an original reason for human grannies - sharing knowledge - but seems not unreasonable. Of course, we have a human spin on it and I think grandma often picked up the slack to the point of taking their kids' illegitimate children as their own. Society changes though - my Nan didn't work, and her life revolved around her home and small family so she had free time to see me and help out. When I knew I was going to be a Nan I still had 20 years of full time work and more to do generally and felt I couldn't be a proper Nan like mine - but times move on.
Overall Grans' collective wisdom, work and love probably still make the world a bit better for the younger generation- like the Orca.

Well not so sure. My parents moved a country away from their parents, but even with the kids that stayed they didn’t play any active role with their grandkids. Their own grandparents had minimal role in their lives too.
My parents had their kids in their 30s, I had mine in my 40s so yes a bit on the older side. But I know plenty of younger parents whose own parents pay an active role in their GK’s lives, having them for weekends etc. I dint think there has been a huge change, there were always people who played an active role, and those that didn’t.

Also when my GP were in their late 60s, they had almost teen - adult GC.

when I’m in my late 60’s my DC will just be adults.

you absolutely can’t compare the two.

my GP did look after us, but then again their lives revolved around children and family. Very traditional set up. My Gm looked after gc at various ages but then again that’s all she did in her life, keep a home, have children, raise them and that was her life.
My dm will help out but she travels the world after a very hard life and good for her.
Dh and I are older parents 44 with youngest being 3yo. When they are adults I am done with raising children and will not be doing what my GP did. Happy to do the occasional help but I won’t commit to anything more. I will still be very involved though.

I don’t have that expectation of my own Dm so I don’t expect my dc to want that from me.

So many people don’t live by family
any more. People have to move to where the job opportunities are or move due to family circumstances.

I never had grandparents and was never left with anyone but my mum was a SAHM in the 60s when I grew up. Interestingly she was a completely uninterested grandmother herself. She divorced my dad, remarried and moved miles away. Never babysat or came to visit. Maybe she’d had enough of kids! But as I never had grandparents I didn’t have any expectations and it didn’t bother me.

I see a large number of Grandparents doing a huge amount of childcare often while they are still working too, they look exhausted.
My grandparents never looked after me, no babysitting, no days out, my DC have never spent time alone with a grandparent either.
If my DC (adults but don’t have any plans for DC) were to have children I would cover emergency childcare, I would happily take them on a day out, a picnic at the park, weekends away when older, have them overnight for a special occasion but I would not agree to any kind of fixed schedule of childcare or babysitting.

Hopefully that reads that DH's parents and my parents live 3500 miles away. DH is very much living here!

My Grandparents lived 5 miles away and were both retired so yes, they helped out a lot. Especially as, more unusually then, both my parents were full time working professionals. Dh and my parents live 3500 miles away as we emigrated. They were also all still working when my children were very small but they did help out in any way they could, including always insisting that we had a weekend away when they visited so we could have a break,

We could realistically become Grandparents at any time but we are both only 50 and work will be very much in our lives for quite a while yet. So, we'll help out how we can but we still have to pay our bills and, you know, eat!

We spent a lot of time with GP when I was a child in the 60s and 70s - we loved it as they spoilt us and my parents got a break (realised as an adult it was to help financially and minimise the impact of DF mental health)
When my DC were young (in the 1990s) they were very absent living their best lives and ignored my needs as a lone parent
Now I’m 60+ with grown up DC and would love to be a grandparent but won’t be able to help that much as I’ll be unlikely to afford to retire and at my age have just taken on a new career that I can continue until 75 as have virtually no private pension and low savings due to being sole household wage earner for last 30+ years

I certainly had friends who had tea and sleepovers with grandparents regularly.

My own grandparents lived a 10 hour drive away so saw them maybe twice a year. I don’t remember any babysitting but I did go and stay with them when I was studying for exams and it was noisy at home due to siblings. Loved them dearly despite the distance.

Both my parents were the first generation to go to university and then moved further afield for professional careers. I then also went away to university and have moved around for a professional career. My parents are fantastic for helping with holiday childcare. My parents never needed that from my grandparents as DM was a SAHM never going back to her professional career after having me.

So I think there’s something about geography and education. But also the norm and need for dual income families now.

I think it varies a lot so you can’t generalise, some kids are really hard work and I can understand why the grand parents aren’t keen on overnights!

Age is also a factor, my mum had my dd a lot when dd was young, my mum was in her late 50s/early 60s then. Now she’s in her 70s she doesn’t feel as keen to have my young nieces and nephews as it’s too stressful for her.

We didn’t live near our grandparents, so
no Grand-parental help at all . My siblings didn’t stay them without parents until aged nine or so.

My dc’s grandparents only babysat occasionally. No weekly childcare.

on mn, I see there’s an expectation that gp do childcare on a weekly basis, so I think there’s more involvement, not less.

It's cultural to an extent too. In my area the school run is done by a lot of grandparents, and it's not uncommon to live a couple of streets away from your parents.