DP won’t reach out to his daughter

Is he not worried about what his daughter has gone through and whether she might need support?

Not a very loving dad is he?

This would put me off him.

I’d be struggling with this too, and seeing my partner differently. Unfortunately it’s a phenomenon seen with some dads that’s much more rare among women; to decide not to strive for your children to know your love. It’s ok to worry and fret about her, but that’s about him
isnt it? That’s not love. I think a pp above who cited the fear of rejection being a big factor is right in how this affects men. I wouldn’t agree with the pp that we should cut any slack because of this though - like you say OP most women wouldn’t give a shit about the potential rejection as long as they could communicate to their child how precious they are and that they will always be there for them. Some dads are like that too, but sadly too many behave like your DP.

I’m sure he is concerned but maybe he’s letting her come to him in her own time. Maybe he recognises that she’s most likely been traumatised and he doesn’t want to push her too hard.

No he’s moved about 3 hours away and other than this one person has no contacts in the town now.

I have no reason to think he doesn’t love her, for a time he thought she was in Beirut and worried massively about that.

In that situation I'd be very disappointed in him if he didn't make one, not face-to-face, effort to let her know where he is and how she can contact him.

Does he have any contact with his ex wife? Is she aware their daughter is back in the home town.

Stay out of it, it’s none of your business.

I think people have been quick to label him as the shit parent rather than a person who I'd imagine was extremely hurt and traumatised by his child running off to another country, changing religion and never speaking to him again. The fear of trying for contact and being rejected again is real. DH has a nervous breakdown and lost 4 stone over a similar situation (not with a child). It's easy to say 'oh I'd do this and that and be straight over holding them' etc but it's rarely that simple.
I've seen threads here where posters have been very stressed over unwanted contact with people they've asked to leave them alone (particularly parents). Imagine turning up at the Church and causing huge upset? The impact it would potentially have on her, the children, the dad? She might have no desire at all for her dad to be straight over.
He may choose to reach out eventually. He may not. It is his choice though. If you want to split with him over that decision, that's your choice.

Does your DP still live in the same place or work in the same place? In other words is he easily found?

Has he considered that the person from the church who told him his daughter was there may have done so at her request?

As someone who went NC with family it is annoying when people repeatedly ignore your wishes for that. However, one contact giving his current contact details should she ever wish to get in touch isn't OTT in the situation you've described.

He says she cut all ties and moved to another country at 18, which although an adult is a very vulnerable age and very young to be getting married and moving to another country. If you knew how to contact your child after that had happened would you not do it?

What leads you to think that? I know plenty about radicalisation which is why I said I would be very concerned if that was my daughter.

She cut all ties including her mum think it was down to religious reasons rather than than shit parents

🙄

I would my partner wasn’t doing anything to reach out to his dd in those circumstances, it would completely change the way I see him tbh.

Yes she cut ties.
But she is back her THEIR home town. She might well have thought he was still living there. He could easily drop her a message to say his door is still and always open and to contact him xxxx number.

Sadly I know a similar story. There may not be much more to it on her parents side. The man she married might of told her to cut ties with them.

In her position I can imagine being really embarrassed and not reaching out, perhaps get an intermediary (maybe this friend) to go to her church and say he would love her to reach out but won't push anything and will respect her decision unless she gives a signal she wants him to contact her or makes contact herself. Could even give her his number - just in case she hasn't got it anymore.

Absolutely I would encourage him to reach out. A message saying “I love you and I’ve missed you” surely can’t hurt.

He's scared she'll reject him and it will reopen old wounds?

If she cut off her family, respect her wishes.

I’m guessing you know zero about Radicalisation

Yeah I wouldn’t understand it either, if my DD upped sticks and then reappeared with children I’d be trying to get in touch asap. I know DH would be the same. However you can’t make him do anything. There may be stuff you don’t know about their relationship, tbh I just think a lot of dads out there are a bit shit and just can’t be arsed with their kids sometimes.

I agree that it's none of her business and she shouldn't be trying to involve herself. However she absolutely doesn't have to "respect his choices". I wouldn't be with a man who couldn't be arsed with his own kids. It's not a decision I would respect.

There absolutely has to be more to this. A normal
parent would be absolutely desperate if their daughter moved away and cut them off.

This would make me very suspicious of him. I would be very concerned if that was my daughter. I think there is either more to the story or he is just a shit dad, and that would put me right off him.