Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that social standards have slipped because people don’t feel shame anymore?

262 replies

ForBreezySloth · 22/04/2025 20:21

It feels like over the last couple of decades, a lot of social standards have gone downhill - not just in how people behave in public but in how they present themselves, how they speak to others and even basic manners.

It used to be that certain things were considered embarrassing and that kept people in check. Now, it’s almost like there’s a pride in being shameless. Noisy phone calls in public, wearing pyjamas to the shops, blasting personal drama online - there’s no sense of “maybe I shouldn’t do this.”

I’m not saying people should live in fear of judgement but has the pendulum swung too far? Has losing a sense of shame made society worse?

OP posts:
LoveTKO · 22/04/2025 20:42

Absolutely agree OP. There’s too much “understanding” why someone behaves/looks/acts like they do. If we don’t bring back the concept of shame it will definitely get worse.

camelfinger · 22/04/2025 20:41

This is true, but I don’t think it’s all bad. I’m happy that as a woman, I’m not judged about not having a pristine house. Nice that people have the freedom to wear comfortable clothing. And it’s good that we are less judgemental about people who might be suffering with poor mental health and other things that might make it harder to keep up appearances.

Perkuppaige · 22/04/2025 20:38

I think we’re becoming less clever too which has a lot to do with it.

Original poster
ForBreezySloth · 22/04/2025 20:35

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/04/2025 20:29

Is it shame or is it the social contract?

In the olden days, you behaved as a basically functional wc/mc person, you did a normal job, you behaved normally, you got a few things. You could buy a house, you could lead your life mostly free of debt. You could retire at the reasonable age and get a decent standard of living. You got healthcare and the trains ran.

Now, you work hard and are in debt with two incomes. You will never buy a house, no matter how you save on a normal wage. You might not even afford children. Everything got sold off, your country is just a bit shit. You won’t ever retire and if you do you will live in poverty.

It wasn’t the working poor/middle class who broke the contract, it was the rich. And they made many of the rules around decorum. If noblesse no longer obliges, why stick to outmoded forms of ‘manners’?

This is a really interesting angle… I actually agree that a lot of disillusionment has fuelled the shift. When people feel like doing things the ‘right’ way doesn’t lead anywhere, they’re less motivated to play by the old rules.

I suppose I just wonder where the line is between justified rebellion and letting go of basic standards that make public life more bearable. Maybe both things can be true at once?

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 22/04/2025 20:29

IPM · 22/04/2025 20:25

He was about 40?

Yeah, it's all his mum's fault then.

Show quote history

“The phrase "Didn't your mother teach you?" is a common idiom used to express surprise or disapproval when someone makes a mistake, behaves inappropriately, or doesn't know something that should be common knowledge. It implies that a person should have learned certain basic life skills or manners during childhood.”

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/04/2025 20:29

Is it shame or is it the social contract?

In the olden days, you behaved as a basically functional wc/mc person, you did a normal job, you behaved normally, you got a few things. You could buy a house, you could lead your life mostly free of debt. You could retire at the reasonable age and get a decent standard of living. You got healthcare and the trains ran.

Now, you work hard and are in debt with two incomes. You will never buy a house, no matter how you save on a normal wage. You might not even afford children. Everything got sold off, your country is just a bit shit. You won’t ever retire and if you do you will live in poverty.

It wasn’t the working poor/middle class who broke the contract, it was the rich. And they made many of the rules around decorum. If noblesse no longer obliges, why stick to outmoded forms of ‘manners’?

CherryBlossomPie · 22/04/2025 20:25

Every generation since the 1950s and probably before says this about the younger generation.

I blame 1) ugg boots 2) Eastenders 3) Dom Joly.

Nomorecoconutboosts · 22/04/2025 20:25

Possibly, but I think it’s a number of other factors.
lack of self awareness is a big one.
i see it in the supermarket all the time. People with trolleys lengthways across the aisle totally in their own world. Where I live if you say excuse me it’s likely they won’t hear or will get agitated that you didn’t wait…if you do wait it’s likely you’ll get snapped at for not saying excuse me!
Also some people feel entitled to behave as they wish in public regardless of the potential impact on others.
lots of impatient people too

IPM · 22/04/2025 20:25

MidnightPatrol · 22/04/2025 20:23

Today on the train, a man chewed gum nosily with his mouth open for the entire journey.

Revolting. I wanted to say ‘did your mother not teach you to eat with your mouth shut’.

He was about 40.

He was about 40?

Yeah, it's all his mum's fault then.

IPM · 22/04/2025 20:24

I agree.

And if you point out that someone's behaviour is less than ideal, you get accused of 'shaming' them 🙄

Smallmercies · 22/04/2025 20:24

I feel people have been saying this exact thing since the dawn of time, so yes, YABU.

MidnightPatrol · 22/04/2025 20:23

Today on the train, a man chewed gum nosily with his mouth open for the entire journey.

Revolting. I wanted to say ‘did your mother not teach you to eat with your mouth shut’.

He was about 40.

Swipe left for the next trending thread