Is DW an alcoholic?

It’s above the “recommended” weekly limit but then you could argue that no level of alcohol is good for you. I’d say it’s more relevant if her drinking is problematic or not. I think it’s worth saying that many problem drinkers can go days or weeks without a drink before they binge again so just because she abstains for four days a week doesn’t mean it’s all ok.

Also you need to ask yourself if you’d feel differently if it was a different drink. If every night your mate had two beers, or if someone had a vodka and coke every night. Would that feel as bad? Or worse?

Yes it can be a lot but so is stuffing your face with an entire pizza a day or smoking 20 fags.

I would say no, if she is not drinking the other 4 days. On a bank holiday I could drink a bottle Fri, Sat Sun or when on holiday but I don't have to have it I just enjoy drinking it.

It’s more than some people and less than others.

Unless it’s causing actual issues I’d live and let live. Some weeks I could easily do that that some week I might not drink at all. Depends on socials and weather, eating out stuff like that.

The question is does she NEED the drink or is it just nice to have. Does she become aggressive? Is she a messy / sloppy drunk if in fact it gets her drunk.

If you are concerned with the amount your wife is drinking then you need to discuss it with her rather than asking the internet to give you the authority to label her drinking so you can use it to shame her.

If she does not think it's a problem and does not want to moderate then you are within your rights to decide it's a deal breaker.

I can’t imagine that three bottles of wine each week is average. I doubt if there is that much wine in the country.

No and yes. No in that unless she needs to drink to get through life then she isn't. Yes in that's a lot of wine. I drink more than that most weeks, but I don't need a drink. I'm on call this week so haven't had a drink since Wednesday last week....I could have had one on Thursday but I didn't want one.

have you talked to her about it?

She is not an alcoholic in my opinion. 3 doesn't drink for 4 days of the week is pretty reasonable.

Why does she finish the bottle on the days she does drink/ that is probably more of an issue.

Really!!!😙🤮

It sounds average.

If she is able to stop then it should be fine either way.

However you are likely to run into serious issues unless you can openly communicate any concerns you have with her directly.

It’s alot. But! The reasons behind the drinking are more the point…is it drinking to relieve stress? Or anxiety? Are no other support systems available? I believe alcoholism is mainly a product of intersectional stress, lifestyle, modern expectations of women, lack of support, If DW tackles the root cause, drinking will lessen. 😊 Rarely is someone an ‘alcoholic’ due to purely addictive personality

I don’t like this thread. It feels like it is being used to win an argument/put someone down. Sorry if I have misjudged it but I think if there is an issue then there are better ways to go about it. I have lived with an alcoholic so can understand how difficult it is and it is ultimately why we broke up but they are still a person and if this is being used how I think it feels petty not supportive.

The term ‘alcoholic’ tends to not be very helpful these days and many services don’t use it. It leads people to think that if they are not hiding bottles in the hedge and/or drinking spirits out of paper bags, or if they don’t drink daily, they have nothing to worry about.

Alcohol dependent, problem drinking, alcohol reliant are terms that are commonly known use now.

Good questions to ask are:

“Is alcohol negatively affecting our lives?”
“does alcohol change our relationship?”
”does the family dynamic change when one of us is drinking?”

etc.

If the answers are yes, then it would point to alcohol use being problematic in some way.

It’s not ideal but I wouldn’t say it’s unusual.

does it make someone an alcoholic? I couldn’t say. many other factors would depend on it.

sorry that’s not very helpful.

Is that you DH?
I think it would be better if you spoke to me directly.
This is all a bit unedifying.

Sounds like it. If she answers yes to two or more of the CAGE screening questions then it warrants further investigation (it’s not a diagnosis though):

Have you ever felt you should Cut down on your drinking?
Have people Annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
Have you ever felt Guilty about your drinking?
Have you ever had an early morning drink (Eye-opener)?

the amount of wine isnt that relevant tbh- is her drinking causing issues with relationships or work etc? Is it problematic? Is she out at bars a few nights a week enjoying herself with friends or is she using alcohol to escape poor MH or stressors?
The key sign of alcohol misuse it it’s impact and why the person is drinking , not the amount of units or regularity.

It may put her at increased risk of certain diseases and health conditions. Not sure that’s a big problem or just not a sensible approach to health. Units have a very limited relevance to the damage alcohol can do to a person

A bottle in one sitting is a lot

But, if each bottle is 10.5%, then 3 bottles per week is 23 units ie about 50% more than recommended maximum. So, not great and not recommended but i don't know if it's a HUGE concern. May depend a little on other factors eg in someone who is overweight, smokers, poor diet, no exercise would presumably be greater concern than someone who is generally healthy

I don't think it's much, not addiction levels.

It’s more than twice the recommended amount for a woman, so it’s a big problem, even if she’s not an alcoholic.

Can she stop if she wants to?

Al alcoholic can't stop once they start or stay stopped once they've decided to quit.

I did that for years. Bottle of wine at least 4 nights a week. I didn’t see myself with a problem. I didn’t need it or crave it. I would go travelling for a few weeks and just not drink at all as I was doing a lot of driving, didn’t even think about alcohol.

I decided to lose weight about 5 years ago (I was very overweight), so cut out all alcohol one day and haven’t had a drink since as I totally changed my diet. Not been fussed about alcohol once in all that time.

So it’s hard to say if someone has a problem with alcohol. I drank as I was having a fucking amazing time and a great social life. It was fun, but it wasn’t something I needed.

Perfect reply.

Doesn't sound too much to me