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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Things in-laws do to annoy you.

192 replies

Pinkjellyunicorn · 22/04/2025 19:01

I could write a book I swear.

My in-laws have a different mother tounge. My husband understands all and speaks a little due to moving to UK age 10. My in-laws constantly talk in a different language in my house, whilst sat at my Christmas dinner table, sometimes screaming and shouting at each other in a forgein language. Husband doesn’t let us or DC go there as it’s filthy (and some other reasons but that’s a whole other post) so we are stuck with them here.

AIBU think this is damn right rude?

Please make me feel better with your woes 🤣

OP posts:
Pinkjellyunicorn · 23/04/2025 13:10

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 23/04/2025 12:38

@Pinkjellyunicorn oh god it must be a thing in in-laws then. I wonder if there’s some passive aggressiveness on their part going on.

There is some definite jealousy issues going on. I come from very working class backgrounds whose parents have done amazingly investing in property (commercial before anyone has a go) and have made an affluent life for themselves, where IL had £100k+ salaries 15 years ago and are facing bankruptcy. My dad retired on £30k a year day job salary and it’s his side hustles that have got them where they are.
resent that we can afford nice multiple holidays, and that my parents gave money towards house deposit, new cars, weddings, put me and siblings through uni with no debt, paid DH student finance off to help us get our mortgage. I feel for them for being compared but they continue to make stupid decisions over and over 🙈

OP posts:
BernardButlersBra · 23/04/2025 13:10

@Pinkjellyunicorn the toilet roll story is especially vile. All l can think is both MIL and FIL both have grim habits so they no longer realise what's normal and what's disgusting? When my husband does something grim then l pull him up about it. I shouldn't have but then again he shouldn't do grim things!

saveforthat · 23/04/2025 13:09

This thread is awful. I hope a MIL starts a thread soon on all the things DIL/SIL do to annoy them.

TimeToMixItUp3 · 23/04/2025 13:06

And totally took sides when we divorced, complete shut down and refusal to speak to me. Despite their son being the one that has an affair and left us for months.

TimeToMixItUp3 · 23/04/2025 13:04

Say how unfair it is that my family was so involved but they made no effort to arrange to see us or make any suggestions. And when I offered to visit I was told no. 🤣 What do you want from me?!

Pinkjellyunicorn · 23/04/2025 13:03

Also this thread has been amazing therapy. I don’t moan too much to my friends and family as it feels disloyal. DH and I have a giggle and make jokes when it’s just us about the antics that have gone on. Luckily DH gets way more annoyed than me- telling me think myself lucky I’ve had a decade of this in comparison to his whole life of this chaos. Please keep crazy in-laws stories going, it’s making me laugh in this difficult time 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
Pinkjellyunicorn · 23/04/2025 12:53

thepariscrimefiles · 23/04/2025 07:54

They don't flush the toilet?? Why on earth not? Are they deliberately disrespecting you?

What does your DH think about their behaviour? I would stop inviting them to your home. They sound absolutely horrible.

DH loses it constantly with them. I have no idea how he has turned out so wonderful. FIL once dropped a whole toilet roll on top of a toilet full of off S*T, pulled it out, put it in the sink covered in S*T and left it there for me to find. When I walked in the house after being out I instantly thought we had had a sewage burst. They are constant 🙈

A poster further up mentioned childcare - and that’s exactly it. They come on the school holidays when we need them. DC isn’t old enough for holiday clubs and holiday childminders non existent here. We are away May half term and have used AL. Hoping we won’t have to have them again until end of June 🙈 for DC birthday.

OP posts:
Pinkjellyunicorn · 23/04/2025 12:42

AliBaliBee1234 · 23/04/2025 07:42

I wonder if any of your parents similarly annoy your other halves hmmm

My parents drive DH mad sometimes! But he often says he would have x2 of mine over his anyday. He knows that as annoying as being over clean and financially strict is - he would rather we have my parents life than his parents life.

OP posts:
curious79 · 23/04/2025 12:41

Current in laws? Nothing. Nice people, socially awkward but kind so that's no bother.

But my former MiL - awful! enabler of her son's terrible behaviour. One of those MiLs who thinks they're helping you with a newborn by taking it off you so you're free to do the washing up

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 23/04/2025 12:38

@Pinkjellyunicorn oh god it must be a thing in in-laws then. I wonder if there’s some passive aggressiveness on their part going on.

Pinkjellyunicorn · 23/04/2025 12:37

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 23/04/2025 07:38

Trust me when you’re speaking a second language all day every day, it’s an enormous relief to finally just relax and speak your own.

I feel like you posted about this before though, or maybe someone in similar circumstances! Are they Italian?

Hello! No I’ve not posted about in laws before - not European at all.

OP posts:
BernardButlersBra · 23/04/2025 09:19

WingingIt101 · 22/04/2025 20:37

When visiting, FIL will act like he needs to bow and scrape in my presence. He doesn’t need to do this and it makes me very on edge. It’s farcical and I used to half expect hidden cameras gauging my reaction. I’ve only ever told him to make himself at home.

MIL goes so far the other way that’s also comical - I say make yourself at home, I don’t mean put your feet up
wearing the shoes you’ve just come in wearing on my new sofa.

acting like they are practically related to the king and nobody else knows how to behave properly.

outstaying their welcome (that one’s not exclusive to them to be fair)

ignoring the washing up “system” - we put dirty mugs / spoons etc in the sink whilst waiting to be washed or put in the dishwasher, and use the draining board for, well, draining washed items. They insist on adding dirty cups and spoons to the draining board.

Who puts dirty items on the draining board?! The clue is in the name!

BernardButlersBra · 23/04/2025 09:18

MereNoelle · 22/04/2025 20:21

My in laws don’t annoy me at all. My parents on the other hand…

I find my mother way more annoying as well!

But the in-laws:
-never close the front door behind them ever at my house. Super helpful when we have pets and 2 toddlers. Maybe l should start doing the same at their house
-never offer you a drink at their house
-reluctant to change heavily stained dining room tablecloth. It's not old stains, definitely newer stains which clumps of food on

saltwater1985 · 23/04/2025 09:04

thepariscrimefiles · 23/04/2025 07:47

Why are they coming on holiday with you? You should have said no. They sound like shit grandparents so you will get no benefit from them being there.

Because DP panders to them. I certainly won’t be babysitting them, I’ve already said I’m not driving down the night before to pick them up, he can if he wants and the kids and I will drive to the airport separately on the day and meet them there.
I think he thinks he’s entitled to invite them as he’s paying (for our share) so it’s his holiday iykwim.
Theres more to it obviously and I’m really not feeling the love for DP atm, this is an extra annoyance.

Autumn38 · 23/04/2025 09:02

Nah I don’t get irritated by my in-laws. DH does though. And DH can tolerate my parents perfectly well whilst I silently seeth with annoyance at them 😂.

goodness, we’ve got small children now and I dread to think what they’ll think of us when they are adults. Some of these stories are bonkers though and I hope to be able to avoid being thought of as totally horrific 😂😬

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 23/04/2025 08:55

Lazlothevampire · 23/04/2025 07:50

Fuck knows. They see nothing wrong with it. My husband doesn’t either.

They used to come and visit and bring food, which I would throw away when they left. They would bring a chicken that they had cooked 2 days prior to visiting, which would have just been left out on the side, or in the oven, and tell me it would be great for a week of dc packed lunches.

If dh had his way, he would still be making spaghetti sauce/chilli/curry and leaving it out on the hob for 5 days, reheating whenever he wanted some.

Parents in law are Italian. Every week is a huge pot of chicken pasta sauce that’s left for 5 days on the hob. FIL is convinced that the more times it’s heated up, the healthier it becomes. God, can you imagine the bacteria 🤢🤢

I am the crazy one for portioning thins up and keeping in the fridge for a maximum of 3 days, freezing the any surplus to that. That’s madness, apparently. It was a dealbreaker for me when dh and I first lived together. I am not eating a chicken sauce that’s been left out at room temperature and constantly reheated for 5 days.

Oh my godddddddddddd

I wonder where on earth they picked that up. I’m not Italian but also southern European, this is…. Unusual, at best 😭

Intheway · 23/04/2025 08:02

MereNoelle · 22/04/2025 20:21

My in laws don’t annoy me at all. My parents on the other hand…

Me too!

And actually, aren't these the same people, in-laws are parents…I wonder what makes them so different….

Sulu17 · 23/04/2025 08:00

It's a long time since I had any PIL but I remember years ago it was well known among me and the other wives not to get too close to FIL when he had been drinking, because you'd get 'felt up'. We'd all learned the hard way.

Calliopespa · 23/04/2025 07:59

CurlewKate · 22/04/2025 20:35

How very dare they speak a foreign language!

That’s what I thought. 🤔

thepariscrimefiles · 23/04/2025 07:54

Pinkjellyunicorn · 22/04/2025 23:56

Thanks for standing up for me. I mean they do it all the time, my nearly 4 year old has started talking gibberish as they think it’s a game. In their home country their domestics didn’t speak their tounge and I think they look at me like that way sometimes. All this whilst in my house, eating all kids food we save for lunchboxes, grapes baby bells ect. Don’t flush toilets, leave mess everywhere, think leaving orange peels and pistachio shells on the arms of sofas is ok.

They don't flush the toilet?? Why on earth not? Are they deliberately disrespecting you?

What does your DH think about their behaviour? I would stop inviting them to your home. They sound absolutely horrible.

Lazlothevampire · 23/04/2025 07:53

AliBaliBee1234 · 23/04/2025 07:42

I wonder if any of your parents similarly annoy your other halves hmmm

Yes, my dad was the embodiment of misery. Everything was brought down to a joyless heap of talking about death, destruction, how awful everything was within minutes. He was a complete dementor and no fun at all.

But the OP asked about in laws.

Tootiredtowhat · 23/04/2025 07:52

My ex-in-laws. When me and ex bought our first home (it was lovely) all nicely decorated, really beautiful. They came to stay with us, treated us like a b&b, both vegan but wanted different milk each, sent a list of foods etc. They wouldn’t even make themselves a cup of tea, I ran around hosting them trying to prove I’d be a good DIL.

On their last night I made a special dinner, all MIL did was complain about it. They had a blazing row whilst I was out the room and sat sulking for the rest of the night.

When they left the following day not only had they not stripped the bed, and left empty sachets of toiletries on the floor in the shower; they had filled my spare room with dusty, cobweb covered bags from their garage, of things they had been storing for my ex.

They hadn’t asked him to sort the bags or put the filthy things in my garage to be cleaned. They just dumped them on the lovely, brand new carpet and bedding that I had bought for their visit.

Ashamed to say I just burst into tears.

Lazlothevampire · 23/04/2025 07:50

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 23/04/2025 07:40

Oh my god 😭 how on earth are they still alive??

It reminds me of that boy who died after eating pasta that had been sitting in the counter for like 6 days.

Fuck knows. They see nothing wrong with it. My husband doesn’t either.

They used to come and visit and bring food, which I would throw away when they left. They would bring a chicken that they had cooked 2 days prior to visiting, which would have just been left out on the side, or in the oven, and tell me it would be great for a week of dc packed lunches.

If dh had his way, he would still be making spaghetti sauce/chilli/curry and leaving it out on the hob for 5 days, reheating whenever he wanted some.

Parents in law are Italian. Every week is a huge pot of chicken pasta sauce that’s left for 5 days on the hob. FIL is convinced that the more times it’s heated up, the healthier it becomes. God, can you imagine the bacteria 🤢🤢

I am the crazy one for portioning thins up and keeping in the fridge for a maximum of 3 days, freezing the any surplus to that. That’s madness, apparently. It was a dealbreaker for me when dh and I first lived together. I am not eating a chicken sauce that’s been left out at room temperature and constantly reheated for 5 days.

thepariscrimefiles · 23/04/2025 07:47

saltwater1985 · 22/04/2025 20:28

Mine are the same in their mother tongue. I fell very excluded.
FIL always pokes his stupid little tongue out like he’s concentrating
He insists on wearing a hat at all times and they both wear coats indoors even in cafe’s restaurants etc
They barely interact with the DC other than to tell them to do something or tell them off
Theure coming on holiday with us next month and I wish they weren’t!

Why are they coming on holiday with you? You should have said no. They sound like shit grandparents so you will get no benefit from them being there.

AliBaliBee1234 · 23/04/2025 07:42

I wonder if any of your parents similarly annoy your other halves hmmm

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