Things in-laws do to annoy you.

Thank you so much for such a lovely and understanding message. It’s hard to understand unless you’ve been there, isn’t it? Like your husband, my husband really needs counselling and professional help to process all the terrible things that have happened in his family, as well as this undying loyalty that he has for his mother. I’m already in therapy, and my therapist really thinks he needs help with it all.
I’m glad to hear your husband ended up getting counselling and getting his eyes opened around all that. It seems as though a good thing came from something bad. I imagine it has helped your relationship, and I hope I can get this issue sorted in my relationship too!

Oof.. I'm sure you've heard it before, but your DP needs counselling. Perhaps you also need couple's counselling. It sounds like you and your relationship are really suffering because of all of those unaddressed and unresolved issues.

Last year, my husband had two consecutive heart attacks (out of the blue, despite being the healthiest he had in years) and subsequently a double bypass. MIL was as bloody awful, selfish and attention-seeking as you'd expect.

The only good outcome has been that he's been having hospital-funded psychological counselling. (Common practice in the country we live in.) He has therefore come to MANY realisations about the negative things in his life and behaviour, not least his relationship with his mother and her difficult and manipulative behaviour.

I'm not sure how easy it is to access such services where you live, but I wish you luck, you have only one life and hopefully an otherwise loving relationship with your other half, and it'd be a huge pity if your MIL ruins it. xx

My mil is very snobby about designer bags etc. I have found the recent tiktoks from Chinese factories very assuming

Most of the issues with mils stem from the fact most mils can't cope with becoming 'extended family' and rather cling on to their position as matriarch. Sad really.

Absolutely.
I was just going to ask if this thread includes daughter in laws! 🤔

She invites herself and my husband agrees. He has a lot of FOG around her. It’s hard, but being raised in an abusive household messes you up for life unfortunately.

ETA it’s partly cultural as well.

Do you invite her to stay at your house and to come on holiday with you? If you do, just stop inviting her. She sounds awful and nobody would enjoy the company of someone like that.

He digs his heels in if I try to set boundaries around her. I think the emotional incest is two-way, but there is a history of abusive behaviour in his family, so it comes from decades of trauma. It's a horrible situation really.

Emotional incest (hopefully only one way), by any chance?

Is there absolutely no chance at all you can persuade your DP not to let her join you on holiday? All your memories of these supposedly happy and relaxing moments must be absolutely shit.

you have transposed the subject with the complainer though

you need to be over the other side for that, Gransnet

a memory of being at inlaws house, she washed up in a bowl of water resembling minestrone soup, shudder, I said I would dry, picked up filthy tea towel, asked where the clean ones were kept, MiL closely inspected tea towel which passed muster as apparently it wasn’t dirty at all, just sticky with food- double shudder -
she would brush her hair in the kitchen then leave her hairbrush on the breadboard
when children were young she made us all corned beef sandwiches enriched with spots of blood as she had cut herself on the tin, we wouldn’t eat them obviously bit she really thought we would?

the argument that older parents and inlaws were/are this way as they had known deprivations during the war doesn’t wash when you know they were retired civil servants with hefty pensions, no mortgage etc., just mean as muck, shopped at
Netto and Kwiksave, bougnt cheap meat, never fresh fruit or vegetables, always tinned, revelling in their parsimony, setting their son‘s marriage up to dismal failure

eta - the front door! by BiL did this, after staying with us over a weekend uninvited!
ran out to his taxi on a dark cold windy wet night leaving the front door wide open, with toddler running after him, beyond thoughtless, apart from marauding toddler,
all our precious heat was lost.

Don't get me started on MIL.... can't stand the woman. She stays at our house for a week at a time, meddles and interferes in ours lives and our relationship. She can be so rude, and she acts jealous. She comes on holiday with us. Everything is all about her. If she has a glass of wine her tongue becomes loose and she says horrible snobby things about people. Hate her.

why be ashamed, how upsetting for you
I do empathise I have had similar situations,
with inlaws, visitors, felt like I was running a small hotel
some of these posts are quite triggering, recalling
being gaslit by inlaws

what they did was not only disrespectful, but symptomatic
of a class of person who despoils - dirtying up your home

pleased they are ex as mine soon were, utter weirdos 💜

hmmm ?

I couldn’t scroll past this inane question without commenting
as I found it so annoying.

Perhaps posters parents are annoying in which case the corresponding
in law will have their say on this specific thread.

My MIL is ok but so so negative.

My DS is 11 and is playing regional level with a view to going national in a particular sport which means we have to do some travelling for him to be able to play.

We love going to watch him and he absolutely loves it. But whenever we mention to MIL where he’s playing next, she complains it’s too far and we shouldn’t have to travel, it’s not like we ask her to travel and we love it. She never did anything like that for DH growing up, she did the bare minimum.

She complains that she lives too far away from us (about 40 miles) and wants to live nearer. So she put her house on the market, we took her to view a house locally, and lined a few other viewings up.. she didn’t like the first house she saw, went home and took her house off the market. 2 years on and she’s still complaining that she wants to move nearer.

She’s so negative that my DH just avoids ringing her as he can’t cope with the negativity.

Rude when others don’t speak it.

Oh dear. Yup, it's quite sad, really. What a way to spend what little time she has on earth.

Ugh. She clearly either doesn't understand the gravity of the situation, or she doesn't care about you. Let's be charitable and assume it's the former.

Sorry to hear about your health problems, OP. Some people really do struggle and suffer.

Where do I start!?!?

I’ve been vegetarian since my early 20s, longer than I’ve known DH and the ILs, but every singe time we go to them for dinner (about once a month) they not only “forget” but act surprised that I don’t want to eat steak, roast chicken, sausages etc!
Having known them for nearly 20 years I now take my own food with me when we go.

@ExpatMum41 that poster is well known for being argumentative for the sake of it. It's like she just looks for something to start an argument about. She's also on other SM with the same name and the same MO.
It's a very sad life, goodness knows what causes her to be like that.

I guess they'd have to actually acknowledge my existence to annoy me but I'll go for things they did in the past.

Came into my house (DW moved in with me) and completely ignored me, including when I said hello and goodbye.

Said they couldn't attend our wedding as it was too far (4 hour drive) then attended BIL's wedding a year later (10 hour flight).

Forgot DW's birthday each year, but called her on BIL's birthday each year to remind her to contact him and make a fuss of him.

Added me to a family group chat and then ignored me when I sent messages to it. This one was more bemusing than annoying.

DW, in conversation, mentioned that I hated a certain photo of me that was online. I just didn't like my goofy grin in the photo. They had it put on a large canvas and sent it to me as a gift. Again - not annoying, we just laughed at that one.

Breathe

this is my parents. But the unopened cans of tinned salmon go in the fridge!