Should I be made to feel guilty for this?

Meanwhile you have dads that only see their kids every other weekend and society isn't up in arms about it.

Go OP, they'll be with their dad, not left on the streets to cope until you come back.

You have considered you dd's feelings if she was a child who would not cope you wouldn't be going. She will be happy and well looked after. You should not pay any attention to your ex's opinion only is he available or not.

Enjoy your holiday!

I didn't say once, but this is not the first trip OP has had without DC

No child has ever been irretrievably traumatised by their parents being away for a week unless there were serious mitigating factors.
A child will not be scarred for life from disappointment that their parent went away without them unless there are serious mitigating factors.
It is incredibly important that children learn to be away from their parents, learn how to deal with disappointment, and learn that their parents have lives without them.
I'm interested in what age you believe it would be appropriate for OP to teach her child these important life skills. I hope I don't sound combative, I am a child of divorce myself!

Has he ever been on holiday without them?

The OP, who asked the question is a mother. I was responding to her, but yes you're right, just as harmful when fathers do it.

As I said, there are many contributing factors, but I do think it makes a difference, yes. Especially where parents have split (which is already hard on DC, no matter how necessary it was) and are choosing to spend time away from DC with a new partner. You're perfectly entitled to disagree, but that's my view, which I was asked for.

Only the mother? What about all the time divorced dads have away from the kids

Why? What do you suppose would happen to tgem

Do you think the uptick in anxiety is really caused by parents leaving their children for a week to go on holiday?

Not the rise of social media and the internet plus the damage screen time can have, the fact that parents are now more under pressure than ever due to cost of living crisis, generally both parents having to work outside of the home, also the fact that we are now more aware of MH issues so saying that there’s an upsurge in anxiety might not be true. There was probably a lot anxiety when I was a teenager but we didn’t haven’t a label for it. So actually today’s teens might be better off because we’re aware of MH and get them help for it.

I’m 40, my parents divorced when I was a toddler, I absolutely remember my mum and step dad going away on holidays together without us. Of all the things to cause trauma in my childhood that was not one of them. And no they weren’t ‘wealthy’ and your blanket stereotype of ‘wealthy’ kids having poor MH historically is just a bit gross. You clearly believe once someone becomes a parent they should only ever serve the needs of their kids.

Parents are still people, with their own needs, thoughts and feelings. They deserve time away from responsibility if it’s at all possible and they don’t need to be made to feel guilty or like they’re causing their kids MH problems.

Exactly this. And FWIW I have been leaving my DCs in the charge of their father since the age of 5 and 3 for several weeks every year (barring covid) as my fam ily live in Australia and I have to go there for whatever reason. So a PP acting all horrified you might leave them for a week on holiday to my mind is being ridiculous.

Of course it’s fine. You are not only leaving them with a responsible adult, you are leaving them with their parent! Has he never been on holiday for a week without them? Nobody would think twice about that!

If your mum is happy to help ask her , don't listen to a word he says , your daughter will be fine .
Go and enjoy yourself

I would just go straight for asking your mum to have her the extra days. Offering it to him gives him the power to play with you and give you a last minute reason why he can no longer have her.

As I said, just my personal view, which is based on working with young people struggling with the huge upsurge in anxiety we're seeing. It's complex and there are many contributing factors, but I do think the the priority parents place on spending time close to them makes a difference.

Obviously other people will think differently, but this is one (of many) things that have changed for our current young people. A generation ago it would have been practically unheard of for parents to holiday regularly without DC, except perhaps for the very wealthy, who's DC have always had fragile MH.

Seriously? Mum wants to leave them for a week? What kind of guilt inducing, mum shaming, virtue signalling is this?

@Burpeehater self care and modelling that as a mum to daughters is so important! Otherwise they’ll end up like posters on this thread who are so self sacrificing they can’t spend any time away from their kids 🙄

your ex is being true to form and being a dick. I bet he’s gone 7 days without seeing his dc.

Go on holiday and have a lovely time. Don’t engage with your ex.

Go and enjoy your holiday, your ex is just trying to manipulate you and make you feel bad. I also don't understand parents who say they'd never leave their children to have a few days away, even when the children are teenagers. Once the children are being looked after by adults that you trust, that the children are happy to spend time with and everyone is confident about the arrangements I think its a good thing to do. You are taking the children on a separate holiday so it's not as if you're getting away and they aren't, go enjoy and relax, there is no requirement to be a martyr just because you're a parent.

My own view, which I know others will disagree with, is that 7 days is a long time to go away without DC and also that choosing to spend family money and/or annual leave to spend so much time away from them, probably isn't helpful to them and their security/self esteem.

As I say, I know others will disagree, but depending on the children, and these have already had some challenges in their childhood, the message that mum wants to leave them for a week isn't helpful IMO. (You did ask!).

I've never understood why parents want to spend their precious leisure time away from DC though. I suppose if you're normally with them 24/7 that might be different

He is trying to gaslight you.

Enjoy your holiday and don't feel guilty at all. You deserve happiness too.

FFS it's a holiday, not an abandonment.

Stop being manipulated by this man, OP.

I'm damn sure he wouldn't question going away himself, would he?!

She wants to leave her with her other parent though, I really don’t get the issue.

My DS is 4 and I’ve left him with his dad plenty of times to go away with friends.

OP, your ex is being a prick.

Has he been on holiday without the children since you split up?

I'm so glad this manipulative man is an ex.

I’m aware of their ages, I can read.

I have teenagers and I still wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving them for 7 days.