Should I be made to feel guilty for this?

I'm also confused as to why you would ask a favour of someone who clearly means you harm. Surely the simplest thing to do is to avoid him and just ask your mum to help? Engaging with him just opens the door for more harassment. A normal, kind person would be happy to help but he clearly isn't that - so best to just make your life, and your daughter's life, as simple as possible.

I'm really confused. People are making a huge deal about you going away for a week OP, but completely ignoring the non-molestation order???

If you had to go as far as a non-molestation order, then clearly this guy is bad news. Are you happy leaving your daughter with him for a week, without being there to intervene?

Interesting thread. I like many mothers have spent weeks working away from DCs when required. No one in my family ever thought this was poor form or unusual in any way. By tradition I always brought back chocolate and something from where I had been. Some of these items are still fondly remembered. All families do things differently, but the idea that a mum cannot be away for a week is in my view extreme.

Some of these comments! My parents are still together and they went away a bit by themselves when I was young and I stayed with my Grandparents. I was not in the slightest bit traumatised - in fact it taught me that parents need adult time. Both my mum and dad also went away separately because they were teachers and did class trips, and I was left with either parent. All I remember is that I liked it when my Mum went away as my Dad would buy fish and chips for tea every night. I think that there is too much of children having to be stapled to their parents now. In addition, I am divorced as is my partner. I have been away with just him, without our respective daughters. My daughter stayed with her Dad and his daughter stayed with her Mum. In addition, my ex and my partners ex have also been away without their daughters and they stayed with us. We have also also had holidays together. You are not abandoning your child on her own to have 2 weeks in benidorm. You are leaving her with her parent, and come back feeling lovely and refreshed and be a nice parent because of that.

Yes I was going to ask this. We take DSD on week long sometimes 2 week long holidays and she's not traumatised being away from her Mum.

Her Mum is away for a week with friends next month and the most DSD has cared about that is what present will you bring me and do Dad and Lunchwoes know that I have Dance Class on a Friday. No trauma involved.

OP if dad went on holiday for a week leaving the children with you, no one would bat an eyelid.

He is the other parent, absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty.

They have a holiday booked with mum so it’s not like you are just having a holiday and they miss out.

Yes exactly this! My friend had a baby 7 months ago and went out for her first night out with us recently, she stayed the night at one of our mutual friends. Everyone made a huge deal about it, about her leaving her daughter for nearly 2 days.

Yet, her DP works away sometimes for a week at a time and has done since his daughter was newborn and no one cares.

Nor would I but ops child will be well looked after by her dad or nan

Exactly this. At the core it is internalised misogyny so deep people don't even recognise it.

Dh works every summer abroad- 6-7 weeks depending on the contract. No-one blinks. He's done it for the past 14 years and indeed when Ds1 was born until the age of 2 when DS2 was born he worked abroad 6 months of the year. Again no-one blinks.

Yet I was away for 2 weeks in January due to visiting a severely ill family member who was thought to be close to death and he had neighbours dropping in food so he did not have to cook (nor does he work any more except for his summer freelance thing and he knows how to cook- and shop) and texting or calling every day to make sure he was doing okay. It pissed him off. It pissed ME off. This happens every time I return to Australia a couple of times a year. But there has literally never been a single time it has crossed anyone's mind that I might need help to cook o care for my own children.

I don't need help with that. And nor does he. But he's the bloke so give the man a fucking medal for parenting his own children and pity him while you do so.

The only issue in the OP's query is the fact she is worrying about what her coercive and abusive manipulating ex is telling her. Going away for a week while her child is looked after my her other parent or a grandparent? That's not an issue.

KEEP CALM EVERYONE! No childhood is going to be ruined for life because their mum is going away for a week for the first time in their 11 or 17 years of life.

Ok ok, but on a serious note, how comes dads can go away when they want. No one would blink at a dad working out of town for a week and leaving DC with their mum so why is it so bad the other way round?

My best guess is that the rise in aniexty is actually related to children being too smoothered by parents - by not going to their grandparents for sleepovers and weeks at a time , so that they don’t learn to cope with different circumstances in a safe and age appropriate way.

by leaveing childen in the care of others, So when they come to fledge they already have experience of being away from home without parents , of learning to rub along with different family dynamics and different household norms, and with being able to cope without mummy and daddy for a while

Well done you!

Ive left mine, and now they've left me for university and well paid jobs.

No damage from one of their parents going away for a while

I'm a similar age and my DPs went on holiday without me too. I had a really amazing week with my GPs. I'm really not sure how @Cookiebix has come to that conclusion. I don't buy for one minute that parents holidays have anything to do with the rise in anxiety.
No single dad would feel guilty about a holiday without his kids and he would probably be met with comments about how deserving he is of a break. I hope OP has a fantastic guilt free holiday.

Absolutely go, he's being a dick and still trying to control you.
Ignore some of the ridiculous comments on here .

You absolutely shouldn't feel guilty! You are there 24/7 for your children I'm sure. Part-time dads are often only vocal when mums need a break. Its sadly always a way to keep control over a past relationship.

They’re 11, not a toddler ffs. They won’t spontaneously combust.

7 nights away with a boyfriend while your children stay at home doesn't really sit right with me either tbh.

Personally I wouldn't leave a 17yo home alone for an entire week either. A couple of days okay, but a week? That seems like a lot.

Okay, and how do you feel about the many, many, many people who have grown up with separated parents doing this where it's had no effect on us at all? I know a lot of people with divorced parents and I dont know a single one who was impacted by a parent taking a holiday away - it's how the parent behaved when they were actually around them that's the problem.

Couldn’t you be bothered to read all the way to the end of the op?

Don’t let him guilt you @Burpeehater (I hate them too!), he’s trying to take the shine off for you. Don’t let him.

Absolutely fine.

It's not that one parent or GP isn't capable of caring or them alone at a practical level, it's the choosing to spend time away from them, when time is the most valuable thing any of us have. I think you're kidding yourselves if you think that doesn't have an impact on DC, especially if it's frequently and especially when it's to spend time with a new partner.

Wow some of these comments! Children have two parents and they’re equally responsible for parenting.
My DC’s have been spending alternate weeks at a time at either home with me or with their dad in the school holidays since my youngest was 2.
Both myself and ExH have had holidays when the other looked after the kids to enable them to go. My DC was away with her Gran last week so we could both work. My DC’s are fine and not damaged in any way by being away from me. Or their dad.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with going on holiday whilst the other parent looks after their own child. Or a grandparent.
OP - go and have a great time on holiday. You’ll be a healthier and happier parent if you do things that you enjoy.

@Burpeehater you say you have a non molestation order against him so you know he wants to get under your skin? Ignore this completely and do what works for you. I agree that asking your mum to have DD for the extra days might be best to avoid any further negotiations or guilt tripping.

Have a fantastic time.

Out of interest, how do you feel about the kids going on holiday with their dad for a week without mum?

We often have DSC for a week or more during school holidays (either going away, or that's just how we work out the contact schedule) during which I have no idea what DSC's mum does (have a well deserved rest, presumably, but she could well go away with her boyfriend). Do you think that's traumatising them too, or is the fact that OP has asked her ex to have the DC that is for some reason making you feel like this?

I’m rolling my eyes so hard at some of these comments!!
she’s having a week’s holiday not putting them up for adoption.
of course you should go Op, I’d bet a year’s salary that both fathers have had multiple holidays without their daughters.
as long as your dd is happy and well cared for then nobody else’s opinion really matters.