To just want to be a housewife?

I was looked over for an opportunity involving a few days travel due to the fact DS was a baby at the time and they didn't think I'd want to leave him. This would've likely helped with promotion which came with a pay rise so I missed out financially too.

Some of the men who were asked also had babies at home. I received a big apology, discrimination training happened etc and I was happy that it was resolved.

What did the discrimination you experienced look like? Discrimination to the point that you were earning less than a man for doing the exact same job, exact same hours and had the exact same qualifications? We are talking about earnings after all.

The opposite for me. I was bored and unfulfilled and needed more than just staying at home with my DC. I’ve also worked hard for my career, enjoy it and didn’t want to throw all of that hard work away.

You think gender discrimination in the workplace doesn’t happen just because it’s illegal? Of course it still happens despite that, I’ve experienced it myself.

Because not everyone enjoys domesticity. And some people do, but need something else as well.

I love being home with DD on my non work days. I love cooking, baking, getting the house nice, walking, gardening, going to the park, doing crafts and painting etc. Genuinely do. But I can't do it 24/7, because it's not challenging enough for my mind and I need that or I get bored. And when I get bored I get in my head and overthink and that's dangerous for me, mentally.

So I would be miserable if my whole life was just the domestic side. Despite loving it as part of who I am, it's not all of me.

That was really helpful actually.
We’re all so different aren’t we
I can see how some people would feel this way 😊

OP I think it’s completely valid that you’re feeling this way. Absolutely go with your gut and how the decision will make you feel. Life is too short to be unhappy or to have regrets where our children are concerned.

I worked as a mental health nurse before having children. I always worked full time (at least). Done lots of extra training (became a therapist) and absolutely LOVED my job. As soon as my first DC came along my whole outlook on life changed (I’m not sure whether that’s considered ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in society now a days but it was how I felt). I gave up working and 10 years later I still don’t work. Not one single regret. I’m grateful everyday that I was in the position to do so.

It’s suits some mothers to return to their jobs and it doesn’t suit some. I really don’t think there’s a right or wrong just a ‘right for you and your family’

Be secure in your decision. Some people will judge you because you can’t make everyone happy but it won’t matter if you’re living your best life ❤️

(I address mothers as I’m a mother - I can’t speak for fathers)

Good luck in your decision and either way enjoy those babies, they don’t stay little long ❤️

Quite a few women who feel this way have posted to explain why they feel this way.

For me, it's partly that I do find looking after my children hard work. I also find it boring. I also find it very bad for my ADHD - I find the structure of work keeps me on a much more even keel.

But it's also that I find my career very fulfilling and on balance enjoyable.

I love my kids and I really enjoy the time that I do spend with them but I would be miserable being at home with them full time

Why would they find it miserable being at home with their dc? Because it’s too much hard work and easier to return to a job? I genuinely don’t understand not being argumentative 😊

I agree @MerlinsBeard1. There will be women forced into all sorts of roles that aren't right for them, and men too. My friend was pushed into being an accountant by her father, and it took.her years to switch to her preferred role of part time primary teacher, with three kids of her own. Other women will have been pushed into domesticity that wasn't right for them either.

I'm making choices that are based on me, but occasionally I get twinges of what other people think is right for me. I don't even always get what I want for me right myself!

I prefer to credit women making their own decisions based upon what they want rather than gloss over the fact women are inclined toward certain roles simply because they were potentially encouraged into them. I don't buy it. If that were the case there would be no women in any roles outside of those traditionally seen as female. The influence society has on each person is not something that can be measured.

There is a gender pay gap but it isn't down to gender discrimination, it is illegal after all! As you have pointed out, many women choose to go part time or stop working once they have children. Women are less likely to work overtime. Men work more dangerous/physical jobs. These are what affect earnings.

'Once children arrive, childcare is largely seen as the woman's problem to organise, not a joint responsibility.' I don't know any couple that operates like that. It isn't normal.

Loved this comment.. it's so true!

Because he gets to see them in the evenings and weekends, and tbh while he's absolutely happy to have them on his own, he finds it exhausting too and would rather do his job and progress his career. He's happier working and spending time with the kids in the evenings and weekends. I used to do the same as him and was miserable as I've explained. I'm happiest with my kids with me. That may change when they're older and don't need me as much but for now, this is the absolute best for us! ☺️

DH was the same. He's very hands on, very family orientated.

He changed jobs not long after and was clear from the start that he wasn't working stupid hours, wasn't working every weekend and needed flexibility to be part of raising his daughter.

He got it. Because he's good at his job and because he asked for it.

I'm still part time, because it works better for us to have one of us part time but because he's able to take time when she's ill, get out on time for pick ups etc. I can have a good presence in my role, push my career forwards even part time. I've had promotions since having DD.

It's important to me that she sees that she can have whatever she wants in life. Whether she wants a career or to be home with her babies or both or whatever. Her seeing me having both means she'll know it's possible to do whatever. And her seeing her dad be an active participant in our marriage, life, family, parenting her will show her that it's possible to have a proper partnership, if she wants one, and not to settle.

Oh yeah, I would have it be use it or lose it too. It needs to change, by force if necessary as Sweden did.

Equal opportunity paternity leave is not enough - they tried it in Sweden, almost no dads used it. They only started once it was use it or lose it. And now it is very much expected that new dads take several months of leave.

Same with my DH. He had 4 weeks off with DS and 6 weeks off with twin DD's and he felt like it wasn't enough and he was missing out, especially with DS, he was very upset going back to work so soon.

Fathers deserve more time with their babies.

and that's the only 'issue' I have with it really in that it will continue to be the societal norm as long as women continue to choose it BUT I'm talking about at a societal level rather than an individual level if you see what I mean. Of course at an individual level, women are going to make choices that they believe is best for themselves and their family and I don't blame them for that.

Women who want to be SAHM's aren't to blame though, society is and that is what needs to change.

I don’t understand the issue some posters are having with this thread. The OP isn’t keen to work and would rather stay home (right now). She isn’t suggesting that this is the best way for women or for children, just that at this point it’s what she wants. It’s not a slap in the face to feminism.

I personally would like to be a stay at home mom but with childcare on many days a week 🤣

Absolutely on the paternity thing.

When we had DD, DH wanted to take the max time off he could, saved up his AL and all sorts. When we looked at his paternity leave policy, he could have 2 weeks off at stat pay. Which meant we'd have lost money. It's no wonder most dad's don't take much time off.

I agree. Though it needs to be about parents having choices, not just women. We need men to start considering childcare to be their issue too, not just something that is seen as the woman's responsibility and her making all of the choices and sacrifices.

Men need to start making some sacrifices too. Otherwise it will always be women who are seen to be the default parent who has to sort childcare or give up their career to provide the childcare.

I'd start this by having paternity leave be longer than 2 weeks.