To just want to be a housewife?

Because education shouldn't just be about getting a "job". Education stays with one forever and is a source of inner joy

There's nothing wrong with it but I'd become resentful and bored. And I'd be worried about being financially vulnerable.

I've never had a desire for a career, it just has never interested me. I don't really find fulfilment from work, I have my family and hobbies for that. I have a job that contributes to the bills and I could do a bit of training or even just job hunt for a higher paying role. But this job matches the flexibility I want even if it is unduly stressful at times.
I don't love the idea of being a full housewife/SAHM but I do massively prefer working part time to spend time with my child and keep the house running smoothly. I feel very lucky to have this as an option.
I think its important to keep your hand in the job market for future/pensions etc but its also kind of sad to live life assuming the worst is going to happen. Though that being said, I'm a big saver with contingency funds for emergencies so I do get the need for it.
I think its just kind of that life can be a bit shit and stressful especially when trying to juggle a full time job, children and housework. But there's also a lot of shit in the alternatives too, so there's not really an ideal solution.

In amongst all the fuss about the Supreme Court ruling, the people I feel sorriest for are the Trans people (both sexes, but particularly the mtf trans) who have actually had surgical intervention. They actually do not pose the same risk to women?

What are they supposed to do when it comes to single sex spaces?

I think it’s a normal phase that you’re going through, the nesting phase. I went through the same but I ultimately kept my career up and once they were a little older I was very pleased that I did although I did take some time out now and again.

The domesticity wears off and as they become more independent, gradually you’ll start thinking about you more. You’ll want more challenge and something for you outside of family life.

All my friends have gone through this and those that chose to be SAHM’s have really struggled to find “their thing”.

@eyespartyparty i also worry a bit about setting an example to the children, particularly as they are both boys. My husband is very hands on and does a lot around the house and is constantly singing my praises to the boys so I’m hoping this goes some way to showing them that my role is just as valid

Same here. Unfortunately the world doesn’t owe us a free ride, and I like to spend lots of money traveling each year, so am still working at age 62.

Would prefer to be pottering around gardening.

I’ve been a housewife for five years and no real plans to change this anytime soon! We also grow veg and have an orchard and I cook a lot 😂 I love being around the home while my children are small but I always planned to be at home with them and luckily my husband is happy with it

I find it rather sad that women have been hoodwinked into thinking getting back in the saddle at a workplace asap is a badge of honour and pride. It is an attitude that is ripe for exploitation by employers!

@CasketBase OMG - are you me??!

Well, apart from the ironing although I do sometimes even enjoy that if I'm watching something on telly my DH isn't keen on seeing. ;)

I was extremely driven as a child/teen/young adult. Worked 2 jobs throughout my schooling from age 11, saved up for my own hobbies/trips aboard, still top of the class academically.

At uni, also worked several days per week during the first year, achieved highly (a First) and even got my undergraduate thesis publishes. Got a job, and employer sponsored my post-grad and I was promoted within months of joining and it continued that way until, just before I went on maternity leave with DC1, I was partner-level and earning mega bucks. Often went in early, and worked late.

Went back to work after DC1 was born, then took maternity for DC2 and went self-employed. In the first couple of years I still earned near 6-figures working only a few days per month. Then, when they were pre-school age, I started to not care about work anymore. I hated not having the flexibility and being available for them after school (I honestly don't think it made any difference to them, but it was for me).

I was never domesticated when I was younger but I now enjoy baking, keeping the home tidy and although I worked p/t until recently, I'm now at nearly 60 keen to just stop altogether. Financially, we can get by like this, although it would be nice with a bit of extra cash now and again; but we live comfortably.

I have an active life with my children/husband and local friends and love to get involved in the community. I don't want to be back in the work rat race and so there is not a single thing about work I now miss.

I'm not feeling bad about it, though, and neither should you OP.

I guess back in the day, women often retired earlier and nowadays we're inundated with information from all sides, so it's not like before, when you could do a job, go home and leave it mostly behind.

Plus I've worked since I was 11 so I sort of think I've done my dues.

This is very wise counsel.

I think what women fought for was choice. Some women will always want to work and those women should have the right to work in whichever career they choose, other prefer to stay home and raise DC, hang out washing and garden. Both choices are valid and probably suit completely different personalities.

I’m a housewife and I’m incredibly grateful and happy. We worked out that I wasn’t making a massive amount after tax, a season ticket into London, lunch, client-facing work clothes/shoes, and of course wrap-around childcare, I wasn’t making very much at all.

I now buy clothes from the charity shop and only when I need to, shop in Lidl/Aldi for food, and we don’t really go on holiday like we used to. But I’m really happy and I like doing both ends of the school run and being able to cook meals and do the house stuff myself rather than paying a cleaner or childcare.

I totally agree it’s not for everyone, and I also do worry a bit about setting and example to the DC about women working, but when I weigh everything up I see them coming home to a calm, happy home where I’m around to do clubs, play dates and chats, and on balance that works best for us as a family.

I'm the exact same and I also have ADHD! Keeping my home keeps me calm ... Tidy house tidy mind I think 🤣 for me as well I know my brain couldn't handle a full time job, parenting and running a house. I always say if it's what's best for you and your family go for it whatever it is! X

I can't imagine enjoying cleaning. It gives me an angry feeling.

But I did really struggle to actually care about work after I had children. I did it, progressed but it just wasn't the same excitement or interest. It had some advantages. I got less sucked into office politics, took things less personally if the business took a strategic decision i wasnt on board with and I was very much more confident and efficient.

Now my children they are older I feel a bit more inclined to find work interesting again.

(I also had a big disabled childcare issue which meant I had to make some big changes workwise in the end)

I’m with you OP. Also have adhd and after two maternity leaves and a sabbatical, I had completely lost all the strategies and coping mechanisms I had to get do ‘work’ the way it’s expected. Then I went back and just didn’t want to do it anymore and didn’t have the downtime (with a 3yo and asd 5yo) to recover from working 5 days. I’m now a part time gardener but mostly
focus on making our life easier and healthier doing all the things you mentioned. I might not want to do it forever but while the children are young, it’s all I feel I can do. I’ll also say that I am married to a man who earns well and is supportive and so I have a safety net somewhat. There are still some financial risks but they are ones I am willing to take.

This has been my life for almost 18 years and I wouldn't change it for the world. It works well for us as a family and enabled us to home educate all out children from the start. It's such a blessing even if we have to forego the latest car/phone foreign holiday etc. Go for it OP!

Yes!

Model the fact she has a choice (as far as her life circumstances dictate, mind) and the fact “conforming” isn’t a measure of her worth.

It’s the old ‘you work to live but you shouldn’t live to work’ thing. When I’m in work I just think ‘there’s another hour’s wage clicked’ then yes, like getting home!

I think it largely depends on the partner. If a man is happy to provide, loves his job and gives you open access to funds there is no need to feel guilty about being a housewife. Some men actually see it as a badge of honour.

Of course being with a financially controlling person who expects you to beg and grovel for £50 and throws you not working back in your face at any given opportunity is a whole other story. My sister had one of these twats when she was a SAHM whilst the kids were little.

have ADHD and these were jobs that used to paralyse me, but now I find comfort and calmness in them

Then there is hope for the rest of us, 😂although I've also heard of ADHD people having a really hard time with parenting too because of all the admin.

Having a baby can be a major mind shift for women. One Youtuber I occasionally follow said she lost all interest in her New Age hobbies when she became a mother, and instead switched to gardening.

Honestly, power to you for enjoying yourself and making it work. Even if you only worked 1 day a week, that's still something to put on your C.V. I don't think any employer has asked me yet how many hours in certain jobs I worked. As far as they're aware, you'll have worked full time or close to it unless you state otherwise. Hopefully you're in a good financial position because if your marriage doesn't work out, you'll need it.

I think this makes sense, as you sound like someone who is very all or nothing. When your focus was on your job, it had a huge amount of energy from you. And now it's your DD, she has that same huge amount of energy. What wouldn't make sense is if you suddenly because someone who is happy with a more relaxed, compromised approach.
Being a SAHM wouldnt be for me, but if it suits you and your family and you genuinely don't feel it puts you at any financial or independence risk - now or in the future - then embrace what is right for you.