To just want to be a housewife?

I'd love to be a SAHM forever. I had 7 years off with my two youngest and I had to recover after a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured by off label psychotropic drugs a decade ago.

I'm back working part time now, perimenopausal and probably undiagnosed ADHD. I feel every day is an absolute nightmare and struggle, and I think I'd cope much better with less stress at work, although I think cognitively it's probably good for my brain

I just hate how disorganised I am and it impacts my poor DH so much. I'm a bloody nightmare for him at times 😳😂

I dotn particularly want to be housewife or sahm. I just want to not work 😅

Are you me?!:D I was in a professional, highly paid job before kids but I don’t care about any of that anymore. Neither of mine is in nursery now. I spend all day everyday with them and I love it. If you can afford it, go for it!

I am also a SAHM, to a single toddler. Can't say I embrace the chores as such BUT I absolutely understand what you mean about loving the gentle domesticity. I love it too, and have also surprised myself in that - although my career was a bit meh, I did have a degree and an MSc and pre COVID was making progress down a tricky career path. I'm also surprised that I've gone full "hippy mum", breastfeeding and cosleeping with my three year old and seriously considering home schooling. It's like DC came along and suddenly nothing else really mattered in life and I wanted to pour 100% of my efforts into her, while she's still little, at least.

Our days are pottering round the garden together, baking, painting, a whole bunch of different groups, swimming, pony riding, (arguing about how many episodes of Bluey she's allowed to watch), dog walks, making shit crafts out of loo roll tubes. It has it's frustrating moments but often I just feel like it's exactly where I should be in life. And then I feel guilty because I'm not "contributing" enough and now I'll probably never have a proper Science career and I'm supposed to be a feminist so why am I now fussing about getting tea on the table for when my husband walks through the door after work??

I'm not interested in reading the thread but all the best.

I definitely felt like that at the beginning and stayed home with our twins til they were two, then they did 15 hours, gradually going up to four days a week in nursery.

Now they are at school, my "personality has transplanted" again and I am so ready to work/learn/be my own person again as well as "mum". Going back to uni and taking on more freelance work and it feels great.

So all I am saying is, you feel this way now, that's great, embrace it, but be prepared to change again in a few years! Brains are amazing!!

oh my God that line about it not being your managers and colleagues around your death bed is SO ON THE MONEY, I am going to steal it and use it and remember it always!

Sounds like you put all your energy and focus into something you found important and now you have replaced the (something important ) with your dc . You find that fulfilling and enjoy nature and nurturing .

If you’re happy and not struggling financially I’d say you have found what not many people can or do .
contentment …… Enjoy .

Same thing happened to me OP. I've spent the morning making shortbread with DC and cleaning the kitchen. I have no interest in returning to work.

No, you are not being unreasonable - I feel similar. Not officially diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I am AuDHD (DD is and most of our traits are similar).

Went to a grammar school where careers and being ambitious were drummed into us, though even without that, I was on the same page. Wanted to go to the most prestigious university I could, had various career ambitions and wanted to fly high in whichever one I chose. Not getting particular jobs was the most gut-wrenching of disappointments.

Then... I had children and my priorities completely changed. I do still have elements of that job satisfaction and need to do well, but my current job relies a lot on self-management and admittedly I am struggling a bit with that (made worse at the moment with my DD's current needs, particularly around school attendance).

When I am at work and in the zone, I feel a glimpse of what I used to.

But when I'm struggling with DD at home when I should be working, or when I am at work thinking about all I need to do at home or about DD, or it is my day off (I work 0.8), then work just seems like an additional barrier and I fantasise about how much I could do and how much easier things would be if I didn't have to think about work as well.

I gave up work when I had dc1 as suddenly changed and did not want to leave him with a childminder or go to work anymore. I loved my job with a passion but that stopped as soon as he arrived. Dh then set up a business and could work all hours as I was there to do everything else.

Sure dh could have left me but he didn’t. I stayed at home with both dc until they finished GCSEs and now work part time in a job I really love. It was a shock going back to work as was t used to working to time and not planning my day myself but it’s great to be part of a team again.

Both dc are thriving and both got Saturday jobs as soon as they could so me not working has it affected their work ethics. They are sociable and friendly and happy.

Basically you need to do what suits you and your family as we are all unique so there is never going to be one size fits all. Yes, your dh could leave or die but life would be really tough even if both were working.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I have been a housewife for a while .I have had PT /temp jobs as well ,but overall like being at home.Love baking (probably made about 2,000 cakes over the years! Having a Dog as well, which fits in well with home life .I wonder when the switch came about that all women should have Careers and a family? My SIL gave up work when her DC came along, and never really went back .She got married in 1970 and her company was surprised she went back after getting married! (Civil Servant)

A lot of women experience this shift in outlook during menopause too, going from being quite professionally driven to having no patience for or interest in workplace nonsense. Most work places and careers are designed by and around men and their typical life course, so it doesn't surprise me that a lot of us reach a stage where it just doesn't appeal any more.

I'm very much the same as you OP, but 2 children, now both school age. I think the ADHD is a factor. It makes me a perfectionist, but I cannot possibly be a perfectionist in 2 jobs at once - work and motherhood. It would cause too much stress. So instead we are a very unstressed happy family because I can put all my focus on the kids. Now they're at school I'm very open to a part time job, but it's got to be the right fit so taking my time.

Right now, at this moment, your partner has died, hasn't run off with another woman and hasn't declared that he too wants to stay at home.

So, @CasketBase enjoy being at home. This is your life right now and you're enjoying it. Good luck to you.

Ignore all those painting Doomsday scenarios-you can "what if" yourself around the bend. What if a sink hole opens up under your house at 4 this afternoon and you, the washing line and the house are never seen again.

You're doing what's right for you right now. Who knows what is around the corner and we can't squander the happiness of now for some vision of the future that might never happen.

I had a successful career as an insurance underwriter which I gave up when I had my sons. We might be old fashioned in our thinking but we strongly felt that children need at least one parent to be there for them. I’ve never regretted not working and genuinely feel my sons have benefited from me being at home. I did go back to work p/t around school hours when they started high school.
I suppose I was fortunate that we could afford to have me at home.
Having said that each family is unique and have to do what’s right for them.

It’s obvious why she posted. It’s because there is such a big narrative about modern women must do this and be that and she’s saying ‘hang on. That’s not the life I want’

Is it really hard to understand that there are about as many scenarios as there are people?
I stopped work when I was pregnant with number one because I had terrible morning sickness and dh travelled a lot and worked very long hours .
necer worked in employment since. I have done various volunteering things and studied and went on to have 2 more dc.

Could my dh have pissed off somewhere? Sure. But he earned enough that tbh even splitting the assets and having him pay maintenance would have put me above most employed people in terms in financial security.

as it is we are very happy and enabling dh to not have to worry about domestic arrangements meant he could climb the corporate ladder taking international trips with no notice and work whatever hours were needed.

it worked and continues to work for us.

I haven’t got ADHD, and I feel the same. And now my child is grown-up and left home, I still feel the same! 😉

I would love to be a housewife and if we had the money I know DH would support me. I don’t care how old fashioned it makes me sound. I love being home. My kids are too old to need a SAHM but I’d still like to be at home. I think some of it does stem from being utterly ground down from working outside the home.

PS the only experience I have of adhd and sahm is one friend who is both. Tbh, she still struggles to stay on top of the housework and says she would rather be working. So I'm not sure enjoying being a sahm would be directly linked to adhd.

I can relate. I want to be a stay-at-home dog mum. I have neither hound nor husband but I DO have a vision of me and a Newfoundland puppy bounding gracefully along the beach at St Andrews together, to a tasteful accompaniment of acoustic piano playing the soundtrack from Chariots of Fire whilst the hoi polloi watch us admiringly from afar.

Fuck the pension.