To just want to be a housewife?

YANBU OP - it is a beautiful, joyful, calm and peaceful way of life 😊

I really empathise. I had just opened my own business was when I had dd which was my entire world before I had her.. however once she was here, I really resented not being able to stay at home and just be mummy. I felt guilty wherever I was.

Im now in my 50’s and haven’t worked for 15 years (apart from voluntary). Dh is a high earner and I don’t know if that’s the reason for my lack of ambition, but it’s just me. I plan dinners for family and friends and am looking forward to grandchildren one day! I totally understand you.

It is fair on the FT partner, because they can focus more on work, they have less chores to fix there's less childcare to arrange/pay for.

DH always said he didn't want the "little wife at home" (which were my words when we met, to tell him I'd never be that). But actually he loves coming home on my days off (and I WFH too so on quiet work days I manage similar) to a happy wife and child with something nice cooking for dinner, the house being tidy etc. He's said if I don't want to go back full time in the future he wants to make that possible for us, because our weekends are our time instead of all the chores needing doing.

Obviously there's days he comes home and we've had a nightmare, she's been a piglet, he's lucky if there's toast for dinner etc. And he doesn't care. And if I want to go back full time he'd be supportive. But as it stands right now, I love the balance of my PT. Although I caveat that with the fact that I WFH in a fairly senior but low stress role with a pretty decent salary (and all the benefits/pension) so that takes some stress off too. Balance.

Do what works for you. There is no point you being stupidly stressed and having a chaotic, stressful home life just for a few extra quid if it makes no one happy.

Im living the dream in my own way and how i want it.
I have flat that looks like a hippies den but its homely and i love it i work the grave yard shifts and travel alot when ever i can roughly 6-8 times a year.
I have no debt i owe no one nothing what i have is mine outright if i cant buy it straight out i wont get it.
My bills are all up to date a month in advance.
I have no kids pets or a man.
I live cheap never been in to flashy expensive things or brands names.
Im free.

However it was not always like this took me a long time to get where i am and im proud it.

I stayed at home when mine were small, returned to work once they were all in school. For a few years I worked really hard, but now I just wish I was back at home all day, even though my children are grown up. Being a housewife, walking the dog, gardening and cooking, so less stressful than work, and all the office politics. I say do it.

I have adhd and being SAHM is great for me, I am naturally very physical and restless and task oriented and love, in fact NEED time alone. I feel pretty great on it.

Snort. When you start cranking out a pop version of evolutionary biology, you’re in real trouble. And, for what it’s worth, hunter-gatherers were unlikely to be pottering around Sainsbury's and ironing and enjoying the lack of ‘pressure’. If they didn’t manage to get enough food, they starved, which is pretty much the ultimate pressure.

Nor me. BIL always has the best of everything and is very quick to tell you what's "wrong" with whatever you have.

What he doesn't know is that MIL can't keep her mouth shut and we all know how much he earns and how much debt he's in for his image.

Your feelings are very normal. You look at life differently when a child comes into it, because you are now considering someone else's needs and wellbeing.

Some of us still have the drive to work in that high flying career, some need the intellectual stimulation, some don't need that at all. Different strokes for different folks.

For what it's worth, I think you've got it cracked with the part time work and part time SAHP. But I'm biased cos that's what I do!

Yes I also changed after having kids and decided to do what's best for them. But while so many people here are saying best for their children is mum pottering in the garden and homebaked cookies every day after school, even if this means going without and living a more frugal life, I decided to offer them financial security instead. I've been poor. Do not recommend.

Personally I feel that it's best for my family if I use my earning potential to give them the best life, instead of staying home to do my own ironing. My cleaner's hourly rates are a lot lower than my own, and the toilet really doesn't care who scrubbed it.

If most of us wanted more, the lottery would never have taken off and people would only retire when they were in ill-health.

I think most people work for money. They'd spend their time differently if they could afford to.

And its shouldn't be hard to understand that we all find different things satisfying or dull. Its a bit dumb to sniff at what someone else finds interesting.

What are people spending money on that they need 3 jobs?
I am a renter in a decent area and don't need even a fraction of that. I don't drive though.

Also nothing wrong with being a housewife. I have often thought that we ought to add more value those types of choices instead of only associating success to be imitating men. Work life balance is off, capitalism is nailing us.

Does the word
Homemaker
Have more positive connotations than housewife perhaps ?

It’s perfectly reasonable to WANT it. How you fund it is the key.

Not on taxpayers money.
Don’t make yourself 100% reliant on another person

If you can fund it though, fab!

I think it’s valid OP you have to do what makes you happy and obviously if you have support to do this, it helps with the dream.

I realise I can’t match the professional environment of the nursery and the range of activities, learning and development and socialisation. I thought as a professional woman who climbed the career ladder, that I would be enough to entertain my kid. Nope! At home with my best intentions, my kid doesn’t learn or have the range of learning and activities like they do at daycare.

Hmmm,

Well that's what we've evolved to do OP...gathering food, looking after children, cooking and cleaning. I guess neurodivergent people are more drawn to that sort of life because there's less pressure. I'm AuDHD.

All of this, on repeat.

It's possibly all very lovely, quiche and flapjacks and about as intellectually stimulating as paint. Don't get me wrong, loved my DD as a small child but work/challenge/company of adults was important too. Home making can, no doubt, be great. If you love small children, DIY, gardening etc. In the end though, most of us want something more.
Who is funding this? Most of us can't potter about the allotment without serious money behind us. Financial security is absolutely vital or people can end up back in the workplace with a 15 year career break and no skills.

I can't bear flashy people! Their desperation to prove how much of a success they think they are is pitiful IMHO.

There's so much to be said for the "simple life".

Obviously, money makes any life easier and that requires working for most people. But you can do both, work and have a simple life. We do.

We are looked upon in DHs family as the "poor relations" because we drive older cars (which we own outright rather than on finance), mostly holiday in the UK if we bother going at all, like to stay home, prefer to cook than going out to eat, spend time in the garden, do things to the house ourselves etc.

In reality we actually earn more than his very "flashy" brother. We just enjoy life in a different way and so to look at us people think we don't have a lot. We just don't need a lot to be happy. I don't understand his brother's need to be "flashy" and he doesn't understand how we don't care.

I think more people are coming round to the simple life idea, especially since the lockdowns, where people realised they don't need much more than a happy home.

I was thinking about this the other day. I think I like those things too. But for me it’s only because before kids it was all a chore. For the first year of my first’s life I just could not get on top of the housework and it really made me mad and frustrated. But only she turned one and I returned to work and she became more independent I was able to get more done around the house. Which made me feel triumphant. And so I like housework now. But only because I remember when it was not possible and how angry that made me.

I do however also love working and making money. I love growing my savings pot for a rainy day. And having another outlet rather than cleaning and house work. Depending on what day it is I wear each hat with pride!

so not unreasonable at all, we all have emotional needs and if being a housewife fulfils yours then make sure you fill that cup to the brim!