To just want to be a housewife?

I was referring to @ClareBlue’s take on your situation. You obviously do you, but tbh, I’d just come out and own my lack of ambition.

I absolutely understand this, and in a way feel the same. However I've elected to go part time while my kids are young (4 and 7 currently). I feel that strikes the right balance for me with an eye on pushing on in my career at a later date if i want/having some financial independence presently.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the kind of ‘fingers in ears singing tralala, not listening, might never happen’ thinking that lands women and their children in poverty, deskilled and with a giant CV gap.

I'm an engaged, loving mother who works full time. I still raise my children, nursery care for them during working hours but they don't raise them.

OP hasn't lost ambition. She has changed her priorities at a certain stage in life. You don't always have to sacrifice what you want, in this case staying at home with her child, because of what might happen in the future. As she said, if there are major life changes she will change to meet them. She has no reason to believe that the relationship with her husband won't last and no reason to think she will be in poverty if it didn't.

I was a SAHM for 3 years and i found it mind numbingly boring. I love working part time and am now in a senior and responsible job, earning a great pension and the ability to supplement our household income and savings.

How you feel is absolutely valid though, even if it’s now how everyone feels.

I had an extended maternity leave due to Covid and furlough and found being at home with a preschooler and a baby while my husband was out working long shifts, much harder than my job! However now things are back open and my kids are a bit older and easier to manage due to being at school, I would not mind a year off being a SAHW. I think it’s the old adage that women are still expected to work like they don’t have kids and parent like they don’t have a job. It’s all a bit much trying to balance it all.

I was a SAHM for 10 years when mine were little

I loved it

But once my youngest started school a fire burned again to work

I started my own business and became consumed by it. It's a small business but I've made a success of it but I tell you what it's burned me out a bit.

Even though mine are now young adults and teens I sometimes yearn for the simplicity of those days.

I do a lot less domestically but I miss it a bit.

Also I've found that teens still really need you and there have been times I felt I wasn't wholly present because of being so consumed with making my business a success

Recently I've come off social media and scaled back because I just want to enjoy my kids before they leave home and the simple things

Success can look like one thing in our online comparison obsessed world but now I'm menopausal, tired and reflective I know what really matters

I hear you OP! I had a big salary and no work life balance. Now I work part time in the same industry but a more junior role. I bake a lot, cook very well and garden a lot but less well.,. Then I host amazing play dates because it is Friday/ sunny/ raining…. I’m glad I keep working so if I need to re-enter the workforce it isn’t too hard to adapt. I wish I had more money, but you can’t have it all.

YANBU at all. Of course it's normal. If you are able to do that then do what makes you happy.

YANBU to want to be a housewife but you would be unreasonable to not have security if your relationship went sideways. I’d love to be a housewife even though my children are teens now. Basically I want to retire really early with enough money to not have to worry about paying bills and going on holidays etc. I need to win set for life! (Happy with housewife or stay at home mum/dad/parent but hate “full time mummy” 🤨)

But while so many people here are saying best for their children is mum pottering in the garden and homebaked cookies every day after school, even if this means going without and living a more frugal life, I decided to offer them financial security instead

Why is it best if mum is pottering in the garden or baking cookies every day though? Our kids were always looked after by myself/DH until they went to school. They did preschool/school readiness though at the right age, but until the last went through we still were at home with the younger ones, doing school/preschool drop off and pick ups. We also both worked full time. So, our kids had stay at home parents providing full care plus we worked (we did opposite days/shifts).

I hated, and still do, gardening. So does DH. Sure, we had little garden bed set up so kids could grow seeds etc and get that experience but as for ‘pottering in the garden’, fuck that. Why is it best for kids that parents do that?

Same as the cookie concept. We always did, and still do, cook from scratch for health purposes. I understand if the intent of this is that it’s best if kids have food made from scratch, and I don’t disagree (nor would I say this is confined to kids!), but I think you can be honest with kids that for you personally, while it’s necessary, it doesn’t float your boat. I hate cooking but it’s a necessary evil to me, so I do it. We did appropriate cooking with kids as activity when they were little and put a fun front on it when doing it with them, but when they got older and understood we all have different preferences and things that enthuse us, no way I would pretend cooking did it for me! So, is it important that kids have nutritious meals or that they have a parent who ‘vibes’ with the making thereof?

Your DC aren’t your ‘achievement’ — they are themselves.

YANBU at all
My DC are my greatest achievement and I was lucky enough to be at home with all 3

You just did.

Dumb? May I not speak?
Actually not sniffing. The idea is in some ways, extremely attractive. Just very aware that all such dreams are impossible without a cash income. I’ve known communities trying to live more sustainably finding they needed to grow cash crops to pay the bills.
Someone has to pay the Council tax.
Someone has to pay the life insurance. That’s all.

I've just seen that you do work part time. Trouble is most men can't be trusted to stay. 50% of marriages end in divorce and men resent being the bread winner. If this happens you are in trouble if you don't have an income. Sad but true.
My mother was a single mum, we lived on benefits and she spent most of her days in bed crying while we lived in poverty.
I'd rather work than bring a child up like that.

That old chestnut. There aren't many people who can afford to run a reasonable sized house on their own working or not.

Me too OP but unfortunately I've always been a single mum so no choice in the matter. I've had to work. Luckily I'm retiring in 4 years and I can't wait. I have lots of plans. I'm done in quite frankly. Could you go part time?

I am also high performing ADHD and given the choice I would have chosen to stay home full time with my children but unfortunately financially that wasn’t an option. I was however lucky to be able to work part time but worked like a Trojan to ensure that my kids never missed out, but probably sacrificed a little too much of myself in the process.

Not being provocative here, but those who have been able to be full time SAHP’s are you supported by government benefits or inheritance cash or have inherited a house so no housing costs) that helps you do this?
Or does one partner earn enough to sustain a family and housing costs without any external support?

I'm so surprised at how many people are being so negative, who hurt you guys haha?! If anything changes, like you said, you will as well. Screw living in a space where you plan for the worst. Obviously have some back up but mostly, have a blast and enjoy where you are at! Haterz gon' hate.