To find DS4 so bloody annoying

I don’t know if this will help @hoppingandhop, but I’m posting it because I hope it will and I certainly intend it to be. The way you speak about your DS is significantly more positive than previous times you’ve posted. I suspect that means that things are getting better and you are coping better than perhaps it feels in the moment.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Could it be that he is a bit bored and needs more stimulation and responsibilities? Hopefully you will find that when he starts school things really improve.

I get it op, I was in a similar situation when my two were younger

My approach was to keep things very, very low key - so only go to places where they can't escape/run in the road etc

Fenced gardens, etc

We were at the park a LOT

Distraction is your friend. If he starts playing up ( which is completely normal 4 year old behaviour) try and distract from the behaviour.

No he's too old for this. Distraction is what you do for babies and toddlers who haven't yet linked cause and effect etc, don't understand everything you say. A child who'll be starting school next term needs to face consequences for poor behaviour.

Also maybe shift the kinds of holidays? My children were hideous if out of their normal routine at that age. They had their normal bedtimes and meal times whether on holiday or not.

Firstly op:
4 year olds can be not that pleasant to be honest. Old enough to run off, fast, say hurtful things, young enough to be selfish small tyrants with limited empathy.

Secondly:
Parenting strategies take years to pay off. Longer if a few bad habits have crept in and need to be unlearned. You have to consistently impose consequences for years etc. It's hard, its boring, and it feels like it isn't bearing fruit.

I once asked my Dsis in frustration when DS would actually just obey an instruction without shouting/brute force etc (he was about four) and she said "when he's about eight". She was pretty much right too.

A minority of children are oddly placid/compliant, lots aren't. You have to teach them through endless repetition that:

• you will stop bad behaviour every time
• bad behaviour will never achieve the desired attention/reward
• there will be negative consequences every single time.

You have to be prepared to let your child cry. You have to be willing to make your own life harder by saying no screens as a consequence, when you are desperate for the half hour of peace the tv or tablet gives you. You have to accept that imposing firm boundaries will trigger more tantrums in the short term.

It does pay off. DS was a bit of a rotter at 4, at 8 he's a "delightful sensible boy" (his teachers words). His little sister isn't quite there yet but miles better at 6 than 4.

It's absolutely clear (to all but idiots) that you are not the fount of all evil, just a stressed and concerned mother. Those of us who have been there are very sympathetic, and I hope that helps a bit.

But it could have helped

you tried. You gave it a shot

I really wish I hadn't.

I don't care whether you actually counted them. It's the fact you bothered to note it. And now you've posted a link to a parenting course. Why are you so invested in this? Do you think it's helpful to bully the OP over something she has said she doesn't want to do? It's her choice, not yours. And as I said, they are by no means a magic bullet.

But you gave it a shot

Select all

no counting involved

https://cambspborochildrenshealth.nhs.uk/services/cambridgeshire-and-peterborough-healthy-child-programme-health-visiting-and-school-nursing-service/free-online-courses-for-parents-and-carers/#access

free.

just to get you started

This bullying over parenting courses is just appalling! I don't know why people thing they have the right to do this. As for counting the number of posts - just get a life already.

It's completely wrong to assume parenting courses are a magic bullet in any case. I went to a group for parents of autistic children. It was absolutely dreadful and I came away feeling more depressed and helpless than before.

ok I’m off to google online parenting courses

I don’t think a one single poster would believe you’ve spent a nano second researching parenting courses today op

My DS was like this too. Re soiling or wetting himself, he would say that he just didn't feel it coming. He was toilet trained by the time he started school but it was a close-run thing. Now I realise it was a sensory issue, like so many of the problems we experienced. He also had an unusually high pain threshold - like not noticing mild burns. He was later diagnosed with dyspraxia and then with ASD/ADHD.

I don't want to give you as hard a time as possible; I want you to realise that it is your responsibility to try anything and everything you can to improve your relationship with your son.

That includes researching parenting courses (many of which are actually free) and finding ones you can do, rather than making more excuses about why you can't do them. That includes accepting that a relationship with a four year old isn't a 'two way street' in the same way that a relationship with another adult is, and that the effort needs to be coming entirely from you. That includes praising him and telling him how wonderful he is and how much you love him, even if he doesn't reply to you and doesn't seem to be listening. That includes acknowledging that a lot of the behaviour you complain about is totally normal in a four year old, and that the problem is in how you have been managing it. That includes admitting to yourself that you've made mistakes in the past so that you don't continue to make those mistakes.

I want this because your son sounds like a very unhappy little boy, and I want him to be happy and feel loved unconditionally. If I feel like this about a little boy I've never met, surely you can feel this way about your own son?

And besides to be honest posting on here has made me feel a bit sullied and dirty somehow

well then hide thread
and use your time to research parenting courses which needn’t be in person and will be MUCH cheaper than £50 a session

and now for the next excuse…