To cancel our summer holiday because of snoring

I'm absolutely dreading our summer holiday for the same reason. I'll also have a 6m old waking me up. He absolutely can't see why I'd not be looking forward to it 🫠

We've not slept in the same room for years and years.

Don't punish the poor man because he has a medical condition. Help and support him!

DH is an insanely loud snorer. If he falls asleep on the sofa, I can hear him from the bedroom. We live in a bloody townhouse ffs!! He was diagnosed with sleep apnoea years ago, had Septoplasty and was given a Cpap machine. Unfortunately he said it was uncomfortable so only wore it for a few weeks. As a result, we're both knackered all the time! He's now waiting on a hospital appointment to get rid of nasal polyps again and discuss a different type of cpap machine (only because I threatened to chuck him out! 🤣)

I do the exact same. Even with DP facing me in bed, snoring like a Harley revving, I can't hear a thing.

Sometimes we do sleep in separate rooms so I can go without earplugs (I get eczema in my ears so like to give them a break now and then) but the headband on its own is fine then.

It's worth a go- I was in despair until I tried it. Earplugs on their own are good but not 100%.

I feel your pain! We have to get an extra bedroom on holiday and when we can't I have ear defenders, headphones, a snoozeband, all kinds of things to drown out the 60 decibel snoring. Yes, I downloaded an app and measured. Men who refuse to go to the doctor aren't annoying.

Read her second paragraph.

I voted YANBU because I completely empathise.

I have slept in a separate room to my DH for many years and even then he still often disturbed me with his snoring. I went to the spare box room as he gets up a lot earlier than me and woke me getting ready for with if I slept in our room and made him go to the spare room.

I was on the brink of leaving him - his half baked attempts at stopping snoring (anything that needed very little effort on his part) were just pissing me off even more so he finally saw the GP, got referred and now has a CPAP machine. I hate sleeping next to him with it on - the sound makes me anxious but with earplugs I can tolerate it and sleep pretty well for a holiday. I can’t tolerate ear plugs every night so I stay in the box room but I no longer feel so cross about it.

your DH needs to get assessed properly @Toastedpickle. Could you afford for the initial appt to be private to get the wheels in motion? If not I’d be thinking about telling him we were going on holiday without him and make sure he knows why.

I don't know how you live like that

It's a basic condition of my relationship with DH that we sleep in the same bed most of the time. If that was impossible because of something he could seek medical advice for then it'd be the end of our relationship.

For me it would be a much bigger issue than just a holiday. Leave him at home, don't cancel it. Enjoy some time with the kids.

Oh snap @bigknitblanket! They really are magic.

My husband snored before he lost a lot of weight, and when we went away, I would wear ear plugs and one of those soft sleep bands with headphones in with white noise up high. It works really well: I went away for a weekend recently and shared a room with 3 snorers and didn’t hear a thing!

This sort of thing https://amzn.eu/d/dqCFda3

My DH snores sometimes but I've become immune to it....so can happily sleep through it. The DC found it hard to sleep on holiday though in our partitioned room though. We are getting an apartment on our next holiday

I wouldn't go on that holiday in your circumstances...can you get a villa instead or an air BnB or something?

And honestly if you're going to sleep in separate rooms, at least get yourself a proper bed op.

Sorry if I’ve missed something. Where do you and he sleep at home?

Has he actually made the effort to do anything about his snoring? If it's a no, that's beyond selfish. I don't blame people for snoring (DH does) but I would expect them to try to find a possible solution. It's utter torture sleeping with a snorer. Why on earth are you the one on the spare bed?!!!

YANBU at all. Sharing a room with a snorer is the closest I've ever come to actual murder I think.
He needs to be inconvenienced to seek help, obviously doesn't give a shit about you to carry on as is which is a separate issue.

You have no idea it’s sleep apnoea.

Get dome decent noise blocking ear plugs like Bolsen which you can get customised to fit if you can find a supplier near you £26 plus £12 fitting fee. They block snoring but not fire alarms. You can try them out before you go. Ordinary ear plugs won't block anything. Also a small piece of jaffa tape over your DHs mouth also helps to stop the snoring. Just a small piece not the whole mouth. That works quite well.

He needs to speak to his GP ASAP! Sleep apnoea can be deadly!

I put up with DH's snoring for years, I wore ear plugs, filmed him and would bump him when he stopped breathing and had massive, pauses.

In the end, I completed the epworth score (below) from what I'd seen and sent to to DH's GP for a consultation. He had a telephone appointment, then eventually one with a respiratory surgeon. Equipment was sent out, so he never needed to go to a sleep clinic. He now has a CPAP machine. He lost 10kg, the machine is almost silent and he doesn't nap in the day. On the very rare occasion he has napped, he no longer snores and hopes to get off the machine very soon.

I, however, am still trying to wean myself off wearing ear plugs- something I have done for over 10yrs!

https://www.asthmaandlung.org.uk/conditions/obstructive-sleep-apnoea-osa/epworth-sleepiness-scale

Have you tried anything other than ear plugs?

My DH is a horrific snorer. He’s been to the Dr, had tests etc. One doctor said it was due to a dust mite allergy, spent thousands on some fancy medicine that wasn’t available on the NHS to ‘cure’ him. Didn’t work. This has been going on years, so unless you’re never going to go away again ever you potentially need to start finding a solution that can at least get you through a fortnight away.

When we go away my DH wears a mouthguard and a nasal passage separator. I wear earplugs and a sleep headband that plays white noise. It doesn’t stop the snoring completely but I can at least get enough sleep to survive a holiday.

I wouldn’t cancel a holiday however he does need to make efforts to have it sorted.
If it is so bad then needs a doctors appointment and he needs to look into medical options to treat it.
In the meantime you could also try ear plugs to try to reduce the negative effects it is having in you and your sleep.

If he’s the problem - why are you on the camp bed?!

I voted YABU, because it will be sleep apnea and it has a massive affect on his body, heart, stroke risk etc. Him going with you all, should be a condition of him getting treatment. It can take months for a referal to go through so he needs a GP appointment ASAP, or a online consultation.

I used to have some horrific holidays without sleep until I bought a musicozy headband. With silicon earplugs and the headband over the top playing white noise I don’t hear a damn thing, and my husband snores like a wild boar.

I guess your DH has a few weeks to sort out his snoring (GP, mouth guard, tennis ball, sleep clinic) or he'll be left at home!!!

Definitely get him to see his GP.

I don’t holiday with my partner unless it’s separate rooms or apartments. I don’t sleep well anyway but if we shared a room I wouldn’t get any sleep.

YANBU. Lack of sleep is hugely detrimental so I think you’re well within your rights to cancel your holiday.

My DH is a snorer too and has been in the spare room since November. He hasn’t sought advice or help from his GP, but I’ll no longer tolerate him next to me as it makes the days so difficult to get through. Has your DH tried to help himself in anyway, OP?