To think this is cruel on the children?

ITs very traditional really - particualrly if there is a french connection. But it isn't our norm today as we are meant to helicopter 24/7. If its what they are used to it isn't cruel is it - and I would have welcomed this as a child and I was shipped off for a week regularly and over the summer two separate weeks and I had a SAHM

Has anyone considered that it might actually be cruel on the grandparents?

My parents did this. I got to go stay with my grandmother (and an other extended family) in the States every summer. I loved it! I got spoiled rotten☺️
My grandmother lived quite a different lifestyle to my parents, and her interests were different too, so it gave me a chance to try new things. I was also able to learn a lot about that side of the family, something I probably wouldn’t have, otherwise.
Some of my fondest childhood memories.
I don’t remember missing home - maybe in the beginning? I don’t know, because it was just how my family did the summer holidays, and I can’t remember anything different. Due to going every year, we had lots of little traditions, like places we would visit, games we played, special meals, etc, so I always had a lot to look forward to.

No more cruel than picking apart someone’s parenting on a forum they could well see and be upset by 🥱

My sister and I used to spend holidays with our grandmother. I have wonderful memories of those times. She was someone we were both very close to and our parents knew we were in good hands.
Nothing cruel about it at all.

As you said quite rightly it’s up to them, I’m more concerned why your friends children spending time with loving Grandparents is upsetting you so much! Maybe you should ask your friend why she’s being so cruel shipping them off, as you see it. She’ll no doubt explain

I think it's a great way to build a close relationship with their grandparents. Extended family are so important and the bond isn't the same if the adult isn't actually caring for the child themselves. I would have loved to spend the summer holidays with my grandparents or aunts. I did spend a lot of time with them alone growing up but not such long periods as they lived local. I think it would be like an adventure for the children staying in another area too.

I think it depends on the family and on the child.

As a young child my GM insisted I go to her for a week each summer. I was not comfortable, she wasn't nice to me. My parents worked from home, they were OK with me being there, so long as I didn't get in the way.

However, when I recently worked in a local primary, a good number of the children I worked with spent all holidays with grandparents and extended family in (mostly) Poland - over 1,000mi away. The kids loved it and seemed really happy (both leaving and coming back) and it was a valuable link to their parents culture. The parents worked during the holidays, but would usually try to join them at the start or end.

My parents always did this for periods of the school holidays. From a young age. We had grandparents nearby but my mum’s family lived 4 hours away. We would go there for a few weeks etc. local grandparents would take us to visit other relatives for a week as they lived in a seaside town etc. needs must and childcare is expensive.

I grew up in the north and every holidays (including the 6 weeks) I came down south to stay with my grandma/uncle/half siblings dad.

Called my mum a few times a week but that was it. I had the most amazing time every single holidays and never wanted to leave.

I think the perception thus might be a cruel practice, comes from people where families are not knitted together in the traditional sense. Where grandparents would usually be part of daily life of children and the parents themselves are very close to the grandparents. An extended family in the practical sense where there is very regular interaction. To me, it seems a natural choice to send children to stay with grandparents full time if parents can't get time off work during an entire school holiday. It happens regularly in a lot of countries, including the UK and USA.

I’d have loved this as a kid. I slept over all the time at my grandparents. Loved it

I'm not arguing with the opinion that poster holds. I'm pointing out to them that saying something and then just repeating "that's my opinion" when questioned is worthless.

You might be able to make a good case for it, that's hardly the point as for all you know I agree with it anyway.

I work with many international nurses. Obviously different cultures different values. But it's not uncommon among the Phillipinos for children to be cared for by grandparents or aunts back home while they travel abroad to work and send money home. A colleague from Zimbabwe sent her children overseas to be cared for by relatives ahead of her being able to travel to UK. I don't think she ever had them back full time.

Back in the UK my sister has her Grandchildren for periods of time, up to two weeks at a time over the school holidays - it's a massive help with childcare and they do lots together and have a great time.

I bet those children have lovely holidays and have a great relationship with their grandparents. Plus with such a distance involved it makes much more sense than struggling to cobble together a few days a/l to tear up the motorway for a long weekend here and there before rushing back again.

@XelaM ok that's fine. I expect your daughter understands. Parents do the best they can. And their children can usually see that.

I'm not saying this is true for everyone but I'm sure in your case she gets it. Go for it.

That's nothing. My cousin has shipped her two children off to their grandparents for most of their lives.

Their grandmother brings them up more than their mother.

I think 6 weeks is ok. It takes more than one person to raise children

I kind of agree with you Op, kids could grow up feeling like their parents didn’t really want them around, which is sad.

I was shipped off to my grandparents summers, holidays etc and was only 40km away but may as well have been 400km. I was bored out of my mind. Also I remember one summer I had health issues and noone thought to take me to a doctor; once my mother picked me up she took me to a doctor and i had to go on injections few times a day for a couple of weeks🤦🏻‍♀️
that aside, I can’t imagine not seeing or spending time with my kid for weeks.

Most posters are comparing this to 2 or 3 weeks with older children or that 6 weeks of holiday club is the same - it’s not - the difference is you come home every night. Don’t think anyone’s said they’d send their 5-year-old away for 6 weeks. That’s the difference- 5 is way too young IMO. You can’t go to boarding school at 5 so it’s not the same as that either (boarding school for under 10s is also cruel IMO) but as I said before maybe it’s the only way this family can make things work, in which case they don’t have a choice, not ideal though

I would assume that the parents can not get holidays and can’t rely on holiday clubs, either because if the operating hours and or the cost. They have a solution where the kids are happy and looked after, and I don’t see an issue.

What’s cruel about it? What have you known the grandparents to be doing to the children that’s cruel?

I barely saw my parents during the summer, with being send to summer camp abroad for 3 weeks and then my grandparents. I didn’t feel resentful to my parents, in fact summer camp was the best experience. I get it, they had to work. I’ve also sent my DD abroad to my parents sometimes up to 3 weeks and I’ve joined for the last week.

I agree. It would actually have been a massive help to pack my children off to their grandparents for part of the summer but I would never have done it. We managed through a combination of childcare and DH and I taking leave at opposite times. I did part term-time for a few summers when the older two had outgrown childcare. Work had a scheme where you work 10 months but your pay is calculated over 12.

My children never stayed over with my parents because they lived an hour away and mum and dad were worried that they might want to come home late at night. As it happened, both my parents died when my eldest was 9, so we never got the chance. I think my kids would have loved it because mum and dad spoiled them rotten!

Rude much???

I couldn't have been separated from my children for that long.

Is that a good enough argument to pass muster with you?

I didn't spend a single night away from mine when they were little, other than when I had to go to hospital to have a sibling.

It was enough that I had to use childcare so I could continue to work. It would have been a frosty day in hell when I would have been parted from my children for weeks on end!

I went to mine 3 weeks in summer and a week at Easter. I loved it.