To not give anymore of my inheritance away and look after my own family?

OP so very sorry for the loss of both your parents, you have had so much to deal with, I feel for you.
Please don't give anymore of your inheritance to anyone else. Your Dad would want you to have the money and, as the beneficiary of his estate you get to decide what to do with the money.
You deserve it, please keep it and don't feel guilty.
As for your wider family they have already befitted ans and a cream tea would be a lovely gesture but nothing more.
You are obviously a lovely, kind, giving person but you have to also think of your own needs and you need the money to make your life better and more comfortable. Please trust me when I say that is what your Dad would have wanted.
I wish you peace OP and strength to deal with your grief.

Keep all the money. Buy siblings a nice bottle of wine each as a thank you.

Why is that with the big charities? How is it you think the Red Cross for example do so much?

15k out of 160k isnt going to bankrupt you, give the money to charity.

Look after yourself. It sounds so stressful. No need fir extravagant holidays for family. A lovely memory afternoon tea sounds wonderful.

Put yourself first. Life is short. Look after your own family.

No, that's the same here - you don't have to have a solicitor, but it helps. It also costs a lot too. When my MIL dies, my DH and SIL were executors. Her DH did all the probate to save us money. We (my DH and I) were happy to let him crack on, but we absolutely insisted on us hiring a solicitor to do the property transfer when we bought out my SIL from the house that MIL left behind. We paid for that, but as none of us had a clue what to do, it was money well spent.

Seems odd that you paid his siblings straight away before the house was sold. I would have waited. Did you hear it from your Dad yourself or did the siblings tell you that's what he said? I'm assuming it was £60K between them. No idea why your DH is suggesting giving them more, surely he knows they've already had £20K each. That's more than generous. Typically all money/estate goes to the immediate next of kin, which he did state in his will. Not sure what implications it will have to the siblings re tax.
As for the charities, you could give a small amount away, further down the line when the sale has gone through and you've paid all other debts.

I wouldn't feel obligated to give any more to anyone that isn't in the will. But then I have a cynical view about a lot of charities. I guess it would depend what they were. Small local charity that is well managed, I might make a donation in his memory. One of the big well funded charities - no way, they won't notice the donation, it's a drop in the ocean, but you will notice the drop in your funds more.
I certainly wouldn't give any more to siblings. I might offer friends some personal effects to remember him by if there is anything suitable.

It must be slightly different up here. A solicitor is certainly helpful (advisable even) but not absolutely necessary.

Yes, it will be when probate is granted that access to others is allowed. That, of course, can take a long time, but initially a solicitor (at least in England) should be allowed limited access before then.

I can't speak for other parts of the UK, but in Scotland it is the executor who has access to the funds in the estate - once confirmation/probate has gone through (if necessary).

I'd be inclined to take the siblings out for dinner as an additional thank you for helping clear the house, might be a nice opportunity to chat and reminisce.
As for the charities I think you do have more than enough to give a smaller amount to the ones he mentioned to you, even £100 per charity is a huge help to them and better than nothing.
160k leaves plenty to do these things and have that safety net for yourself.

Do not turn off utilities and heating if any chance of a freeze or frost. Neighbours adult children did this when their mother died and didn’t go there for a month, I noticed a curtain had fallen down and rang them and they came back to burst pipes in the loft and the whole house on one side was wrecked.

I wouldn’t be giving any to charity if it’s not in the will

OP, I'm very sorry for your loss. Your DF, despite some mistakes in money management, sounds like he was a lovely father. He clearly trusted you, so I think you can do what you feel best with the money. It's why he left it all in your hands.

He might be one of those people with a lot of nice ideas, but didn't clearly think through the execution of the nice ideas.

I'm a parent and no way I'd want you or my grandchild to go with less when charities took more.

When you are older, and perhaps when you make your own will and have more money, maybe consider one or more of the charities your father cared about. No need to do this now. Take time to grieve and put the money away for your child and yourself.

Your aunts and uncles just need the tea...no more money.

Do whatever is in the will and no more. The siblings clearly think they have a new money tree, supported by your husband it seems. Leaving to charities is all well and good but remember that on average only about 20% of money raised by charities goes to the actual cause.

Definitely donate to the charities. £15k out of £160k is not a lot, and it's money that could make a real difference to people's lives.

Depends on whether his will states you should give e the money. If it does then you must give it. If it doesn't, do what you think is best

Do RTT - int NOT in the will - it was an EXPRESSION - when he was alive.

Depends on whether his will states you should give e the money. If it does then you must give it. If it doesn't, do what you think is best.

Yes but there is some doubt as to when the money was paid - it sounds as though it was paid before the father died, and if it was after then I don't understand how that was possible once the bank had been told of his death. No one but the solicitor should have been able to access it.

Agree should have waited till the estate was settled.

Usually you pay the funeral, and all other bills associated with settling the estate, before you pay any beneficiaries. I wouldn’t have been so keen to hand out the cash, and just waited until everything was settled with the house.
Going forward, you should distribute strictly in accordance with the will. If it was important to your father to service others, he had a whole lifetime to reflect those wishes in his will.

Sorry am I missing something? He effectively wanted to give 60k to each sibling, 15k to some charities, and that leaves £145K to you (not sure if that’s in addition to the £20k you earmarked for your own child).

he should have written it all in the will, but you do know his wishes, and he is still leaving you a significant amount of money. people are talking as if you’ve been left with nothing!?

Times are desperate for people all over the world. Giving to charity is an important legacy. I’m sorry, but assuming you are living in the Western world, and not in total crisis…. You are already getting £145K legitimately, why do you need to take a further £15K that your dad wanted to give to good causes?

The only reason I think it’s fair to disregard his wishes are if you think his wishes would be different now. Eg 1. if he thought you would be left with much more money, and wouldn’t have earmarked any for charity if he had known. Or 2. If you have some desperate need that he wasn’t aware of (eg debt or sickness), and if he’d been aware, he would have decided to leave it all to you. Or 3. If he changed his mind every day and you don’t think it was a real wish in the first place- it was just a random comment after lunch one day, or he wasn’t of sound mind etc Or 4. He specifically didn’t write it in the will because he was just sharing his ideas but wanted you to have discretion when the time came.

Otherwise, you are basically just disregarding his wishes and cheating charities, because you want £15k more on top of £145k you have legitimately.

You’ll get away with it probably, because it’s not in the will, but is it ethical? No. Many people want to leave a legacy- meet some need for desperate people in their final act. That’s an honourable, meaningful thing. It may be tempting to take that away, but I don’t think you should unless you think HE would want that.

The siblings? No more. You don’t owe them money for helping. They are family and have already got their share.

I am diagnosed AuDHD too, so understand your struggle with things. My take on this is that your father’s siblings have had their share already and what is left is yours.
Do the charity bequests if you want to but, your father’s siblings don’t need any more of the inheritance. If they have blown through theirs, that’s their issue, not yours.
As I have got older, I have got way sharper with finance. Your family is the priority. Look after your own and don’t feel pressured or guilted into parting with your nest-egg.

Talk to the house utilities people too, they may be able to help until the property is sold. No need for phone line while it’s unlived in and you may be able to get gas turned off etc too.

So sorry for your loss. Sending condolences from my home to yours. It sounds like you loved your Father very much.

I wouldn't give any more money to his siblings but you'll be left with a sizeable amount once the house sells so I think you should still donate to the charities, perhaps not the full amount he wished.