In-laws always seat me away from my child at dining table

I guess you can excuse other occasions. But your own son’s birthday meal? You’re not unreasonable at all. I think it’s odd. Are people choosing to ignore this bit?

Yeah it was rude; but this is ageist. Why insult an entire generation because one person was rude to you?

If it was formal then young kids wouldn’t be there at all at the table and the parents go in and out or one of them is staying with.

yes, spouses don’t sit next to each other but opposite but not « one end and the other end ». In any case, in a formal meal, the attention is on the needs of the guests which in-laws are failing here.

so…I am inclined to think it is just how the in-laws are wanting it and if so…then she is perfectly allowed to just exchange with her hubby as she see fits. Her hubby then will have to either challenge the situation or do what was planned for his wife and see if he likes it. If he doesn’t want then it is worse…he is perfectly aware of what happens and let it because he can say it is his parents not him 😒

BTW the whole Catholicism discussion is irrelevant. Most Frenchies are areligious/lapsed now, despite whatever their family traditions /backgrounds might be.

Yes, this.
When learning a foreign language you need to practice key words/phrases in your head in advance of the interaction. AI can give you whole phrases on your phone now if you can’t construct it yourself.

Not sure this is a helpful remark.
My French FIL genuinely speaks no English whatsoever.
My French MIL and SIL do but have not spoken a word of English to me in the 20 years that I have known them. My MIL once spoke some English to my sister (having tried French first and failed to convey her message), which I overheard from an adjoining room, and I nearly fell off my chair in shock.

OP is there more flex in the seating plan as the meal goes on? So between courses do people get up and help remove plates/ go outside for a cigarette and a chat/ offer to get more drinks etc. You might find no one bats an eyelid if you and your husband swap seats before dessert for example. Or if you put your son on your knee after a bathroom break. I think you can be more assertive about photos too. Once the in-laws have taken the photos they want, give your phone to someone and ask/tell (il faut juste demander!) them to take one of you and your son or you and your husband and your son.

It’s not that. It’s more like a French obsession with babies and young children needing to learn independence from their mothers so that their mothers can carry on other aspects of their lives. It can feel bizarre and frankly, cruel when you’re not used to it. Like, discussing how independent your 6month old baby is feels farcical. Many French people don’t understand breastfeeding beyond the first month or two, they think nursery is important for socialization very early on (like for babies and toddlers, not just preschoolers). Once you get your head around the concept it has it’s positives - you learn to ignore the opinions you don’t agree with and also take advantage of the good parts - like feeling no guilt or judgement when you want to leave your baby or toddler with someone else to go out and do something just for you, or the highly subsidized childcare options when you need to work.

I honestly don’t get it. He’s sat next to your husband.
Don’t you want to just eat your meal sometimes? Your husband is allowed to parent too. At a table of 11 you’re not really that far.

Sitting on the other side of the table is not a way to "exclude" someone.

They didn't try and exclude her! She was there at the same table.

@SlagPit the op clearly states:-

“When we visit my In-laws (who are French and live in France), every lunch and dinner (which are full hour long meals) I am seated away from him.”

It’s not a one off!

I would be managing all special occasions for my son going forward if I were you, given they have tried to exclude you from
his birthday party. No. More birthday parties managed by the in-laws. Have them at your home.

You cried because you sat slightly away from your child (but at the same table) for one meal? That's very odd.

Perhaps your in laws think that they are giving you a break, and a chance to enjoy your meal, while your DH is sat with your son to manage him?

Hello OP,

I won't comment on your issue as lots of people have already given you various insights and I don't think I have anything new to say. But as a parent of bilingual children, my advice is to not mix languages. If you speak english to your son, then speak english to him - nothing wrong with that. Mixing the two can be confusing for him as he will struggle to understand which language is which. That's the advice I was given with my kids and it works.
If you live in the UK your husband has to be consistent and only speak french to him. I used to tell my kids I didn't speak spanish (I'm actually fluent but I wanted them to only speak to me in French). When I'm reading to them I translate it so that even if the book is in spanish or english, I'm reading in French.

So long as you are both extremely consistent with the language thing, your son will speak both fluently.

Beyond that I don't think your inlaws mean anything by this - especially as you say you get along well. They probably miss their son and want to build a connexion to their grandson, and probably figure you won't mind getting a break.
Another reason might be that they're seating you next to people who are comfortable speaking english ?
If you want to sit next to your son, say so - I don't think they'll be offended, at most they'll be a bit puzzled.

Ps - my SIL has been with my brother for over five years and still doesn't speak french. My brother isn't fluent in her language either. They speak english together and it's perfectly fine.

Why do you need to be sitting next to him if he's next to his dad?
Smother mother?

I agree with this. It doesn’t sound like a micro-aggression , it sounds as though they are enjoying your little boy and assume they are being kind letting you have lunch undisturbed. Re the birthday though, I don’t understand why your DH didn’t say that you would want to be next to your son for that, it’s easier for him to sort it out in a relaxed way as they are his parents.

Girl, you need to advocate for yourself - as the French would say “il faut râler!”

I’m not saying I don’t understand why op wants to sit with her Dc, but if it’s a reasonably formal meal - and clearly it is if they have place names - it isn’t actually usual for spouses to sit together.

OP, is your husband speaking French to your son all.the.time when at home in England? If not, he should be. Your son will not become bilingual otherwise and your French will not improve either. I speak also as a Brit married to a Frenchman; we also do not live in France (we did, for 9 years, but before having our children) but are raising our children (age 6 and 2) bilingually (meaning he never speaks English to them ever) and I speak the language too (but given that we’ve been together 20 years and married for 14 of those I acknowledge that I have a head start on you).

Having known my in-laws for a considerable time, and had many years to become familiar with French culture, I agree with others that you need to call a spade a spade.

to help with that…
Are you actually learning French, weekly, with a teacher? It is the only way without living in France. Duolingo and occasional contact with in-laws won’t cut it.
I say this having learnt French (and subsequently become French myself, via marriage - which you can also do once your language skills are good enough, even from abroad), and, after that, Dutch (we live in the Netherlands now and despite neither of us being Dutch I have made considerable efforts to learn the language over the past 8 years and have now passed official state exams proving it). It can be done but you need formal, regular input from an experienced teacher.