In-laws always seat me away from my child at dining table

Def move seats, wtf! This isn't cultural it's deliberately separating you from your child and DH, so you're ostracised.

The world seems to be filled with AHs at the moment!

Maybe they don't want to be sexist and presume you will be the one caring for your dc? They put your dh there to do the work, he said you could swap if you wanted.

It's hard sometimes to guess what would be right, and if you don't communicate that you prefer something they will carry on doing what they always have, thinking you are OK with it. FWIW, the culture of 'giving the mum a break' when visiting the gps is fairly common in much of France.

Ridiculous. Op has been told that she can swap, she's chosen not to, why?

You've accepted this for 2 years? Why?
Use your words, take your DHs place, plonk yourself where you want to sit, move your son next to you, so many options!
Learn enough of the language to make your wishes clear, or show them by your actions and leave it to your DH to explain.

Ask your husband to sort it out if its upsetting you. It could be that they are trying to give you a rest!

Our dil would love us for ever if we did this.

I read a book about french parenting - bringing up bebe or something similar and they often sit kids at their own table away from parents as they think they get on better/eat without acting up to the parents watching everything. Obv i don’t know the set up but if there are no other young kids, then a kids table is not needed but they may feel kids eat better away from the mums? (who kids tend to act up more towards than dads in my experience 😆) Not that they should be doing that without explaining but there could be a
cultural element to it, though obv they are still placing next to a parent so perhaps not 🤷‍♀️ Is your DH involved with feeding/meals as much as you are?

Be more French and speak up.
Ask your husband how to say ‘No, this doesn’t work for me, DH and I will swap’.

If you are married to someone french, I think it only reasonable that you have a reasonable handle on the language. This surely puts you on the back foot? Is your son being brought up bi-lingual? Could they be trying to give you a break perhaps if you get on with them in every other respect.

Why did you not ask your husband to take a photo of you and DS with the birthday cake, or asked a family member to take a photo of you, DH and DS with the cake. You can't really complain if you're not going to be assertive.

You are not being unreasonable. It does seem deliberate for them to seat you as far away from your child as possible and it must have been particularly upsetting during your child's birthday celebration lunch. You and your DH should both have been seated next to your child, or at least directly opposite.

It does sound very formal with named place settings and I can see why you are reluctant to ask to change the place settings around to let you sit next to your son but your DH should be speaking to his parents about this, particularly if there is a language barrier.

I wonder if they are doing it to give you a break? Just swap with your husband if you'd like to sit next to him.

"Hi, I'm going to sit next to my son today."

Sit in your seat next to your son. Smile.

Have husband move place card.

And time to learn French.

I do not understand why you cannot just say, "I want to sit beside my child"? Its a dinner at your in-laws, not a state visit.

This may be their motivation ! Just swap or ask next time. Or offer to lay the table

Bizarrely paranoid and quite malicious take.

Gatherings in my family are seen as a chance to give the mums of small children a break when possible - even as a teen I was expected to sit and help with the littles so the mums could eat a nice meal with both hands and visit with other adults in peace for once. And people who don't get daily time with the littles are happy to take a turn.

But if a mum wanted to sit by their child they'd just say so. Your husband has already offered to swap your spot and no one has done anything to discourage it. But you've chosen to decline that option, not say anything, and then assume the worst possible motivations from your in-laws? YABU for that part.

Well the message is clear...
You are a vessel and not real family.

Yanbu about the situation but Yabu not to say or do anything anything.

On the basis they give Zero fucks about you I'd do whatever I wanted including sitting directly next to my child. Make myour DH Swap seats or just tell MIL to seat you next to your child 🤷🏻‍♀️

Learn French for a start, that will make you more confident.

Speak to your husband and ask to swap places with him, he can hardly object - and stand your ground.

This. As long as he has one parent near him

Yes, just swap with a smile. It's a bit odd they'd seat you so far from him as his age. My in-laws give us set places too, and often I have to swap them around. Mainly because my youngest dc still needs help and encouragement at the table. They always assume this will be me, so sometimes I swap with dh when it's his 'turn'.

Apart from a birthday, i’d be happy to eat a meal in peace and leave my DH and in-laws to it. Maybe MIL’s motivation is to give you a break.

I would think it's to give you a break so you can eat in peace. Is something else going on that you're getting tearful about being a few metres away when he gets cake? It seems extreme. Had he recently started full time nursery or something?

Haven't you asked why? My first thought was as others have said which is that you then get your dinner in peace, is there another reason?

Me too!

Perhaps they think they are giving you a break.

I also wonder if they are creating a situation where he is immersed in the language rather than you translating for him or talking to him in English? Is that a possibility given language spoken?

Brilliant if it is, your DS will be so confidently bilingual!