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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be mad at my MIL for interrupting breastfeeding session

83 replies

DasMama · 21/04/2025 14:40

I’m married with a 6 month baby. My family lives abroad and we go visit my in laws once a week. My MIL is noisy and wants to be with baby all the time when we visit to the point that yesterday when I was breastfeeding baby and she was about to fall asleep she kept on talking to her, then even took her hand off my hand so that she would wrap her own finger (my MIL’s). I really wanted to tell her off but didn’t do it out of respect for my husband. AIBU to find this almost violent and a violation of a precious mum-baby moment?

OP posts:
godmum56 · 21/04/2025 16:03

Easipeelerie · 21/04/2025 14:49

I’d visit her less. If you don’t feel you could discuss this with your husband, then that’s a concern.

this.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 21/04/2025 16:00

In what way did you “respect your husband”?

GG1986 · 21/04/2025 16:00

I know you shouldn't have to, but I would go and feed baby somewhere else, like in your bedroom. I had to do this when breastfeeding my 1st as mil was so loud and stared at baby constantly, so it was easier and more relaxed for me to go and hide in my bedroom.

FortyElephants · 21/04/2025 15:47

You had me until the last sentence. Way too extreme.

Pandimoanymum · 21/04/2025 15:46

Well I was going to vote YANBU but then read
"almost violent and a violation of a precious mum-baby moment?" and decided you were being over the top. Sorry. It was annoying that she kept talking to the baby while she was falling asleep, but come on, you're being dramatic. I'm sure you could have found a tactful way to say "leave her alone now please, she's going to sleep"

momtoboys · 21/04/2025 15:42

‘Violent and a violation‘? Oh, for the love....

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 21/04/2025 15:40

You are your babies advocate speak up now set the tone

Heidi2018 · 21/04/2025 15:39

I can't understand why you wouldn't have said you were trying to get her to sleep? Use your voice

Auroraloves · 21/04/2025 15:35

She sounds overbearing, not violent though

PeloMom · 21/04/2025 15:31

YABU not to speak up

FlourandFlowers · 21/04/2025 15:29

bzarda · 21/04/2025 15:02

She moved your hand off your own baby?! Sorry that would make me so angry. You need to put some boundaries in place and be more assertive, it takes a while to learn after you've given birth especially if you were a people pleaser before. I would go and breastfeed separately for now or physically get up and put space between you.

This. My own MIL did exactly the same with my finger, but when DC was a couple of months old. I did say something at the time - it's really irritating.

DefinitelyMaybe92 · 21/04/2025 15:28

Violent? No. A violation? Probably. I wouldn’t want my MIL getting up close and personal while I’m breastfeeding my baby either. Very irritating - tell DH to have a word.

DorothyStorm · 21/04/2025 15:27

AIBU to find this almost violent
yes. Very much so.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/04/2025 15:27

"Can you give us some space please MIL?"

Middleagedstriker · 21/04/2025 15:26

Are you usually quite dramatic?

RawBloomers · 21/04/2025 15:26

If this sort of thing is happening once a week I really think you should suck it up and be glad your MiL is enamoured with her DGC.

If your weekly visit isn’t the only time it’s happening, find a way to kindly assert some boundaries while giving your MiL plenty of time with her DGC.

The violent/violation language is, as pp said, hyperbolic and letting yourself label it as such is not going to be good for your relationship with your MiL or your mental health generally. Deep breaths, remind yourself it’s a DGM who loves your DC and you are going home in a few hours. Let it wash over you.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 21/04/2025 15:24

It’s not a violation of anything OP, the woman is just OTT.

You just have to stand up for yourself and say ‘MIL will you be quiet please, I want her to fall asleep / don’t touch her now, I want her to fall asleep’. Also visit less often if that’s better for you.

I don’t know why you think respecting your husbands family means having no boundaries - it doesn’t not, it just means be polite. Letting people push you around isn’t being polite it’s being a doormat (and that’s a bad example to your daughter).

IstayhomeonFridaynight · 21/04/2025 15:22

It's intrusive, but really not violating.

You should ask her not to distract the baby while you're fedding her. If she won't accept that, perfectly reasonable to go home on the grounds that baby isn't settling, so you're bringing her home for her nap.

Hankunamatata · 21/04/2025 15:14

She was annoying hardly the extreme language your using.

You could have used your words and told her to stop.

CheeseAndHamToastieAndCrisps · 21/04/2025 15:12

violent and a violation of a precious mum-baby moment?

Dramatic much?

Irritating yes, just move away or tell her she’s going to sleep so please don’t wake her.

friendlycat · 21/04/2025 15:09

BethDuttonYeHaw · 21/04/2025 14:51

‘Violent and a violation ‘ is total hyperbole

midly irritating at most.

Edited

This completely.

skyeisthelimit · 21/04/2025 15:07

Just go round less, and ask her to not touch the baby while you are feeding her.

bzarda · 21/04/2025 15:02

She moved your hand off your own baby?! Sorry that would make me so angry. You need to put some boundaries in place and be more assertive, it takes a while to learn after you've given birth especially if you were a people pleaser before. I would go and breastfeed separately for now or physically get up and put space between you.

AutumnLeaves24 · 21/04/2025 14:57

Violent? Violation?

noooooooo no no no no

irritating, yes.

you don't need to 'tell her off'

Just ask her not to do it.

Meadowfinch · 21/04/2025 14:56

She's annoying, interfering and needs to back off, but she's not violent.

When you next go to your Mil's, take a door wedge with you. When you want to bf, retreat to your bedroom, wedge the door firmly, and feed little one in peace. Your MIL will soon get the idea. 🙂