To be mad at my MIL for interrupting breastfeeding session

YANBU You had a viceral reaction to her invading your space with your first baby at an intimate moment. It's hardly surprising so I think using the terms violent and violation are not unreasonable in that context.

YABU to not set boundaries. She doesn't know she is violating your boundaries, if you don't set them. Your DH's feeling on the matter are irrelevant. What do you need when you are breastfeeding? Space? Privacy? Use your words.

She sounds irritating but frankly less so than you describing her interaction as almost violent and violative so swings and roundabouts I guess 🤷‍♀️

I think her touching you and involving herself is deeply inappropriate.

That you feel you cannot mention it to your husband is concerning.

My advice is see less.
Do not breastfeed in a communal area when with them.
Take yourself off to a private area.

It is really ok to have firm boundaries when breastfeeding despite what MN will try and tell you.

It's absolutely reasonable to expect privacy
The MIL is crossing boundaries massively here.
I would just give her the glare, it's so intrusive.

Yanbu. I would find that a gross invasion of space. My MIL is mad for DC but it's easier to be forgiving because she doesn't see them very often due to distance. But your MIL sees baby weekly so I would expect her to really just calm the fuck down as well as keep her hands to herself.

Yes thankfully breastfeeding has become normalised again but doesn't mean it's for 3rd parties to get right up in the physical space between mum and baby.

Weekly visit sounds way too frequent to me!

It's annoying but it's not violent. Id prioritize respecting my baby over anyone else, and say "sorry MIL she's falling asleep, could you leave her please?"
Also, visit less.

I agree with this. If your baby was 6 days or even 6 weeks old, it would be different.

🙄

My point being, just because you’re in “someone else’s living room” it doesn’t automatically give that person any more control over said-baby or when they’re fed, when they sleep etc. And in my book it’s particularly odd to start prying their hand away from mum and onto them while they’re feeding. Sure, I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s violent, but it’s a bit strange.

Your language is OTT, but I wouldn't like that Op.

It's not about "precious moments" but feeling comfortable whilst bfeeding.

Yes, I'm well aware, I breastfed for many years, but she's doing it in someone else's living room. It's reasonable to feed wherever and whenever baby needs it, but it's not reasonable to expect privacy when you're not in a private place. I fed everywhere and anywhere but I wasn't silly enough to think that I could expect private moments at other people's houses whilst sat with them.

I'm not understanding why you didn't say "Please be quiet for now and don't touch the baby, because I want her to fall asleep in the next few minutes, thanks." You're using very aggressive language yet didn't actually ask for what you want, it's really strange. You are an adult and a mother now, learn to use your words.

She’s breastfeeding though? Literally feeding her child. She should be given the space to do that. And they’re a six-month-old baby - things like feeding, sleeping, changing will be on his/her schedule as and when they need it. The OP can’t really control the timing.

You can't go to visit someone, sit in their living room, and expect them to sit back whilst you have "precious mum-baby moments". If you want to be on your own with your baby, don't visit.

Tell your MIL to leave you and your baby in peace when you are breast feeding.

She isn't violent but she is pushy with no respect for your boundaries. Is your DH with you or do you go on your own?

If she won't stop, just cut out the weekly visits.

@DasMama could you lock the bedroom door when you are feeding? or wedge a chair in front so it wont open??

Isn't your baby lucky to have a grandma who obviously thinks she's wonderful?

Sorry but this is on you.... if you want quiet time then you need to take yourself somewhere quiet and request privacy.

Do you actually think your mil was violent? Really?

Just take the babies hand back and gently say "not just now Mildred, she's just dropping off".

In no way disrespectful to anyone and if she challenges that I would be expecting your dh to step up at that point and distracting/diverting his mum.

You need to change your language round this issue

DH I’m uncomfortable when your mum disturbs breast feeding

Id rather stay at home and feed the baby in future.

Could you please ask your parents to give me some space when I need to do X or Y?

Im unhappy when babies naps are disturbed, it means baby get grumpy and doesn’t sleep later, would you mind if we avoided naps times round visitors.

Take the attention off MIL and keep it to your feelings and baby routines.

Oh purleeease. 🙄

A bit annoying if you wanted the baby to drop to sleep but seriously …

Violent? You don't like your MIL clearly.

Just go feed her somewhere private and look the door. At six months a feed will take 10-12
mins at MOST?
And it’s neither violent nor a violation. Just slightly odd behaviour.

….. dear lord😒

You sound like an utter nightmare