Is it just me or is there too much dad bashing on MN?

It's difficult to believe that this question was asked in good faith. As previous posters have explained already, it's bleedingly obvious that women are far more likely to post about crappy partners/dads than good ones.

Flicking through AIBU and other Mumsnet areas this weekend after a long period of absence, I'm struck by all the knee-jerk "not all men!" and "women do this too!" type comments on posts that are very obviously about a specific set of men/dads who do a specific thing referenced in the original post. I'm observing more coddling than bashing, frankly. Genuinely good dads/men presumably don't even benefit from this defensiveness as their partners are less likely to be on here complaining about them in the first place.

I see no reason to defend crappy behaviour from men I've never met just because I happen to know lots of good men/dads among my family and friends IRL. I also know some real shits, and I'm well aware of stats on domestic violence and abuse, divorce, single parenthood etc.. I have no problem believing that posts on MN could well be someone's genuine major life problems rather than the alleged "dad bashing".

I can honestly say I've seen good and bad in so many men.
My dad left my mum and ran away with another woman when I was just starting my gcses and proceeded to be a total nightmare since that moment.
I then had the most amazing stepdad who was so caring and kind. My brother is a wonderful man. I have some lovely uncles. My daughter's dad is a kind and gentle man (we were just friends who had a few weak moments 🤦🏼‍♀️)
I just left a guy who became abusive to the kids and I. He seemed lovely to start with but turned out to be someone we were scared of.
My ex husband isn't a bad guy but is weak and walked out on his kids lives because his new wife didn't want to 'put up' with them because she's in her 50s (he was much older me and she is older then him, is a grandmother)

Overall I think men are human, we all make mistakes, have personal issues etc but I think men think about themselves more than women do. The 'bad' ones I've known have always put themselves first above all else and had a view that women were somehow beneath them or needed them to survive but the 'good' ones saw us as equals.

Was that for me? Because if so, I specifically told you I was saying what I really think, not trying to be polite. Hence me saying you’re a thick arsehole, which you’re confirming with every post.

Logging out now because life’s too short.

Well yes, but, if that hitting happens, just as I'm not scared an 8 year old hitting me, my ex wouldn't have batted an eyelid at me hitting him - but if he'd hit me, or if I took aim at an 8 year old, it's going to do some damage - there's a reason we used to teach kids to defend people who are smaller than them. One is bordering on attempted murder, the other is annoying, might smart a bit but iseasily stopped.

Definition of polite

having or showing behaviour that is respectful and considerate of other people.

HTH

Nothing on MN is ever a woman's fault.

They are either pushed to it, reacting to it, neuro diverse 🙄, or any other number of reasons.

Women can, and do, behave as cunty as men, but love to be the vulnerable victim whatever the circumstance.

It was just an example to make a point; there shouldn’t ever be an excuse to hit someone unless in self defence in my opinion.

OP I agree that I see way more of this on MN than in real life. All of the people I know (including me!) have partners that very much take equal responsibility and are very equally involved. I wonder sometimes if it’s a generational thing or not

Mostly, it's you OP.

😀

Note, I'm not condoning slapping your husband, of course

This is absolutely a case of asymmetric consequences however. A man could kill a woman (or a man TBH, it's happened) with a single slap. A woman wouldn't manage much more than a stinging face as a rule. Relative height, hand size, explosive strength, reach - make it a completely unequal comparison.

God forbid women have a forum where they can support each other and not centre the blokes in their lives.

Pop over to Piston heads (or whatever the male equivalent of MN is these days - maybe that camera one?), post the opposite OP and see how it goes. (actually, I'd be genuinely interested - the times I've used piston heads they've been very helpful and enthusiastic - but then it's been about car stuff, not about relationship issues)

You wouldn't come on MN to crow about how good your DH is though. It would be pretty mean spirited to rub it in in the faces of women lumbered with duds.

Because it’s MUMsnet and mums are allowed to anonymously post ranting about their DH or DP.

I must admit sometimes I do see double standards, or sometimes I do wonder why on earth some woman still stay in certain relationships…

I definitely see a massive double standard for example if a woman post that she had a row with her OH & slapped him lots of responses are along the lines of, are you ND? Has he been abusive in the past & this retaliation? What did he say/do to trigger you? That sort of thing but the other way around gets LTB, he’s abusive get out now, contact women’s aid, call the police, change the locks..it seems an awful lot of women’s bad behaviour is attributed to the man but suggesting that in reverse is absurd & victim blaming. I also think the man bashing stuff is made by women who have or believe they have been wronged by a man so they’ll never give balanced advice. As soon as all that nonsense starts I stop reading tbh

I agree there's a lot of people who will twist anything to make it a man problem! Not everything is a battle of the sexes but for some that's Thier whole personality

Ahh... the classic Mumsnet HTH!

I was talking about people who don’t want their behaviour ‘bashed’ not other posters. If they behave properly there won’t be anything to bash, will there?

HTH.

A poster earlier on said the OP was policing what women can I say; I disagreed.

A poster ordering other women to 'behave properly' is an example of policing what women say.

I do think that fathers are undervalued.

A lot of women seem to think that mothers are more important than fathers.

When fathers are equally as important as mothers.

Plenty of women should not have had children either.

I see way more posts on here where people say how awful their mothers are than their fathers.
And lets not even get onto the MIL trope.

🫣🫣Can't say I haven't, but you're right 😂😂

I should hope not!! Men bothering is just as much a crime as women bothering

< sighs >

You really think these men present as unsuitable before children? Despite the overwhelming studies stating that abuse can start either in pregnancy or after giving birth when the woman is trapped?

Again, the better question is what makes some of them unable to grow into a fully functioning and pleasant human being? Some men are manage it, the vast majority of women do, so what is happening to the rest of the men? What changes them when they've impregnated a woman?