Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Send your kids to play dates or relatives with their own snacks

61 replies

Uninformedcorn · 21/04/2025 07:35

Before we start I want to make it known I am childless and not by choice (I have an autoimmune disorder and take a lot of medication that would make having babies impossible)

Yesterday I had my niece (12) for the day (from eleven am to seven pm) she came with her backpack and Nintendo switch. I asked SIL what she could eat and couldn’t eat and SIL said she packed her a few snacks and lunch.

I didn’t mind making dinner - we were only going to have a bean and sausage casserole that I know my niece loves.

We went out and had a walk around a local historic house and the gardens and it turned out SIL packed snacks and that niece couldn’t have due to allergies

I had to call my brother which is another story in itself as we’ve not spoken in months due to some nasty comment he made at our Mums funeral - he wasn’t happy to have to leave when he was sick and he was even less happy to find his wife had packed things that his daughter couldn’t eat

he thanked me for looking after her and offered me money but I declined. later on in the day I sent SIL a message saying “Just send your daughter to play dates or her relatives with food she can actually eat”

AIBU? Is it so hard to send your kids with snacks they can eat to play dates - especially when they have allergies?

OP posts:
Chellybelle · 21/04/2025 08:06

I wouldn't expect any child to come to me with snacks. If I'm looking after them, I provide the food. I can see why it might be better for them to bring food if there's severe allergies but then I don't get why the mum has sent those. What do you think is your SIL's reasoning behind it?

minnienono · 21/04/2025 08:05

Unless they have really extensive allergies and it’s short notice, I would never expect snacks to be sent. If a picnic was involved perhaps sending a favourite crisp flavour or if they are coeliac bread so you don’t have to buy in gf specially is helpful but otherwise I always cook to suit guests

doodleschnoodle · 21/04/2025 08:04

Sounds like a mistake as I doubt anyone would go to the effort of packing the wrong snacks for their child! Your text was a bit abrupt though, most people would just assume it was an accident, but I guess there’s back story galore.

Toooldtopretend · 21/04/2025 08:02

Why did you need to call your brother? Presumably you and your niece know what the allergies are so couldn’t you have just got an alternative? It’s all v bizarre and not making sense TBH.

Sofiewoo · 21/04/2025 08:01

What a weird dynamic. You haven’t spoken to your brother, you clearly dislike your SIL so why/ how did it even come about that you would have their 12 year old?
I can’t imagine anyone with a child who has severe allergies would pack snacks that they can’t have, it’s also not even normal to have to pack snacks for a 12 year old to spend time with a relative.
You clearly resent everything about the situation so I’m not sure how it’s even come about.

bugalugs45 · 21/04/2025 08:00

Her own mother packed snacks she couldn’t eat ? That’s beyond strange . Are you sure niece wasn’t just saying that ? Do you know these allergies to be true ?
i often have my niece for the day , she’s a lot younger but not fussy and her parents are not overly precious about what she eats so I feed her , usually healthy- ish but occasionally we will have pizza or McDonald’s . I make sure she has some fresh fruit and veg . They never send snacks or food .

breadpie · 21/04/2025 07:58

There is so much unnecessary information in the opening post... I think the snack issue is a cover for what the OP actually wants to say... Possibly feeling a bit bad for sending that text..?

Comedycook · 21/04/2025 07:41

That's so odd....so she sent her DD with food she knows she cannot eat? Why? How strange. Fwiw, I don't think it matters either way...if I was babysitting one of my nieces, I'd happily feed them, if they brought their own food, fine, whatever. But I just cannot fathom the situation you've described

PeloMom · 21/04/2025 07:39

As PP said I don’t understand how or why SIL would have done that. I don’t mind if kids come for play dates with no snacks etc- unless there are complicated dietary restrictions that are very tricky to cater for.

Pandacrazedchild · 21/04/2025 07:38

I wouldn't expect a child to come to mine on a playdate with food...I'm happy to feed them. But why on earth was food packed for her that she couldn't eat?! I don't get that.

Moonnstars · 21/04/2025 07:37

This sounds incredibly strange as I don't see why she would deliberately send her with snacks she cannot eat, or why the niece at the age of 12 was incapable of picking her own snacks to bring in her bag.