Send your kids to play dates or relatives with their own snacks

Why would you assume she deliberately sent snacks her daughter couldn’t eat, rather than it just being a mistake? Surely it’s far more likely that she just grabbed the wrong thing out of the cupboard or was making someone else’s lunch at the same time and put things in the wrong bag. A potentially very dangerous mistake of course, but a mistake nonetheless. Or even that your niece wasn’t telling the truth about being allergic and instead just doesn’t like them? I pretended to be allergic to plasters as a child because I didn’t like ripping them off.

Why did you call your brother, if you never speak to him? Why not call SIL as presumably she was the one you arranged this day with? Or more reasonably- why call anyone at all? Even if you’re morally opposed to funding snacks while babysitting (weird), could you not just have problem solved at the time and brought it up later?

Normal to send a child with a few snacks as back up or just in case. Not normal for a mother to send food that her child is allergic to
Why did you phone your brother when the sil dropped her off?
Also the tone of your text was unnecessary.

All I got from that was that you relished having the chance to do a bit of shitstirring.

You sound incredibly difficult @Uninformedcorn

That message was totally uncalled for. Could the snacks have been packed by accident?

The 12yo had a suitable lunch? Surely you could have found some kind of snack she could have?

I have an autoimmune condition and take medication to suppress my immune system but I wouldn't dream of asking my siblings to leave our mums funeral because they were ill (although depending on the illness I'd expect them them to manage themselves but still I'd have some tact on the day we said goodbye to our mum)

Her mum packed food that she couldn't eat are you really really sure ?

are you sure she is allergic?
not just spinning you a line?

Something doesn’t add up in this story. There is no way a mother would pack snacks a child couldn’t eat. What reason is there for her being unable to eat them? Is is because she just doesn’t like them?

This post makes no sense.

This ^^

Nothing about this post makes any sense. None of it.

I, too, am a bit confused by the OP.

If I was looking after a niece or nephew all day I would expect to feed them some of my food, so if allergies were involved then my assumption would be that either the parent would say " Jonny can't eat nuts, are you OK with that?" or "Jonny cant eat nuts, I have packed him some food so you don't have to worry - but a pizza or burger should be fine if you had other plans".

I am not sure what happened here.

But I do think the message to the SIL was a bit abrupt. Did the brother have to leave the funeral on similar abrupt orders from the OP?

I always send mine with a lunchbox, more as back up food. But I wouldn't expect someone to do the same. It's weird to send snacks that she couldn't eat, perhaps she made a mistake or got something mixed up?

I also don't see why you had to call your brother especially if estranged. I am sensing hostility toward the SIL.

My daughter has allergies. At 12, she was perfectly capable of knowing what was and wasn't safe and took responsibility for checking her own food.

Are your brother and SIL together?

Something doesn't ring true in your post. Firstly I wouldn't expect family members to send snacks and food for their child if I'd agreed to look after them for the day or spend the day with them. Secondly I just don't believe her mother would send snacks she can't eat.

I would say send them with snacks or food if the child has dietary restrictions that the parent expect you to follow or if there are allergies. Otherwise I am happy to provide.

But it’s bonkers to send a child with allergies with something that they can’t eat. Does she have a sibling and had picked up the wrong lunch?

Why did you phone anyone? Why not ask niece what she can and would like to eat and buy/make that? Either at the day out (there is usually a cafe at these sorts of places) or when you get home, seems like an overreaction, I wouldn’t have expected a 12 year old to come with snacks for a day anyway, maybe a bit of cash for their own treats but otherwise I would provide their food and drink. And your text was downright rude.

This is very strange. Unless you have financial issues, why couldn’t you have brought your niece into a shop and she could have brought her own food ?? At age 12, I’m sure she knows what she can and cannot eat.

Your message to your SIL was beyond rude.

Edited to add - it’s not normal to send children to play dates or relatives houses with snacks and food. It may be different will allergies.

You sound resentful and perhaps don’t like your niece or have food issues. Why on earth would you mind catering for a child in your care for a short time? Why when you found there was a problem did you not just sort it out? Buy a snack she can eat…

Buy her a lunch that she can eat, job done. She can manage without snacks.

Is this some sort of garbled AI post? It makes zero sense

The phone call and text sound a bit over the top. Could you have bought her a little something she isn’t allergic to when you were out and sent back home with the dodgy snacks.
Why is the brother off the hook re packing the wrong stuff, it’s his daughter?
Are you resentful looking after her and/or feeding her?

@Uninformedcorn why on earth did the child's mother pack snacks she was allergic to?!
And if you clearly identified these allergens why didn't you just give her something that she could actually eat instead of calling somone?
You obviously know her allergens far better than her own mother so I'd have just got on with it.

Could she be trying to humiliate you by making you seem incompetent/dangerous/negligent? Seems like she’s up to something. Who plays games with their kid’s health?

Were you just not sure of the snacks and then niece wasn’t sure? Eg nut allergy and something said ‘May contain nuts’ so you weren’t sure then niece said -as kids often do- oh it may contain nuts? I’m allergic to nuts! (Two of my son’s friends have allergies and my own is gluten intolerant- if they’re put under any pressure they will always say ‘oh I’m not sure’ so that they’re covered)

So your brother sent his daughter with the snacks?