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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you are NOT a good dad?

107 replies

BobbyDazzler11 · 21/04/2025 07:15

Met with a friend over the weekend who's 1YO is awake a lot in the night. Her DP doesn't get up for any wakes as she said he believes 'it's her issue to sort' . He has always just left her to it.

He does no other care type responsibilities. Just the fun stuff. She plans to have multiple more children with him.

I am honestly sick of hearing of these lazy men. Then they take their child/children to the park for an hour and believe they are father of the year????

So AIBU to think you are NOT a good dad if you don't do all of the following...

  • pitch in for night wakes
  • making breakfasts/lunches/dinners
  • do self care for the children inc teeth brushing/ nails cut etc
  • look after your children with ridiculous amount of instruction and prep from the mum!

I can't imagine as a mother just opting out of these things?????

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 21/04/2025 07:30

BobbyDazzler11 · 21/04/2025 07:24

My DP didn't do nights in the week when I was on mat but we took one night off each at the weekend to rest. My friend seemed sick she was so exhausted and the conversation came up when I said how we use to take one night off each but her DP won't pitch in!

Edited

If he is just sat watching TV, playing games, on his phone etc then I agree that is poor for him to not take the baby and pitch in.

If however he is doing other jobs then I guess it becomes an issue of her saying I need a break from the baby, I will do xyz instead.

Ohthatsabitshit · 21/04/2025 07:29

Depends what else they do, surely? I would find it really strange for one partner to be exhausted and struggling and the other not to help, but what that help looks like depends on the people involved and their skillset. Do you think that mothers should help with father’s workload too? Regardless of what you read, most adults can care for an infant fairly independently and don’t need rescuing endlessly. In extreme circumstances? Perhaps, but a sleepless baby is not really that situation.

Original poster
BobbyDazzler11 · 21/04/2025 07:24

My DP didn't do nights in the week when I was on mat but we took one night off each at the weekend to rest. My friend seemed sick she was so exhausted and the conversation came up when I said how we use to take one night off each but her DP won't pitch in!

OP posts:
0ohLarLar · 21/04/2025 07:22

Oh and when i was on mat leave, DH wasn't often home until 7pm so tended to miss bath & teeth brushing etc. When i went back to work things shifted because he did all the morning drop offs, so he did everything then.

AliBaliBee1234 · 21/04/2025 07:21

But what is essential for you isn't for others. I have a standard for my husband and others will be different. I don't really understand how it's anyone elses business. Just give her your opinion if she asks for it and let her get on with it.

Like others have said there are other factors. My husand starts work at 5am so no way would I want him dealing with night wake ups.

And in fairness, I know a fair few lazy deadbeat Mum's where it's the Dad who steps up.

Moonnstars · 21/04/2025 07:21

I also slightly disagree with the night wake one if the mum is home the next day whereas dad goes to work. There are so many women on here who make a martyr of themselves saying about all they do, when actually there can be time for down time during the day.

0ohLarLar · 21/04/2025 07:19

It sort of depends who's at work etc.

In the week DH didn't do the night wakes because he had to be up at 6.30 to get to work & i was still on mat leave. I just napped with the baby in the day. If both parents are happy with it it isn't necessarily a problem.