To think you are NOT a good dad?

A job he was trained to do, who provided professional training and support for you to learn how to care for a baby?

I felt the need to explain it as the poster I was quoting described a sleepless baby I e. Chronic sleep deprivation it as not an 'extreme situation'.

If you are genuinely serious about splitting the workload then you would split some of the things listed in the OP's post related to the child. It is bonkers that a father would choose to do basically every other household task that doesn't involve their child and declare that's a sensible way of doing things.

Its a bit odd to say a man acting like that is shit (i agree) and then to reveal your own partner is the same, but its okay because he has a job, no, he’s exactly the same as the person you’re complaining about.

why would either a mum or dad put up with the other parent not pulling their weight.

Lots of reasons: because they don't want to split up their family, because they don't trust the other parent to look after the kids properly if they share custody, because the thought of being a single parent is more terrifying than having a useless partner, because of finances.

Put the blame where it belongs: on the partner (almost always the father) not pulling their weight with the parenting.

What a load of rubbish. My children would have at least 10 people who would care for them.

Traditional set ups work just fine.

You quite obviously think you know everything, but actually know very little.

Well it wouldn't do for me. But unless your friend lacks capacity, or is otherwise vulnerable, given her stated intention to have other children with him, one assumes it does for her. She may be getting other benefits from the situation that you're not aware of, and believe the lack of input into childcare is a price worth paying. She may actually prefer to do it all.

Regardless, I'm not sure how much of the grunt work he does is the criteria for assessing how good a dad he is. Otherwise we'd have to conclude there was a sliding scale for good parenting based on how much you outsource. With the SAHP being the pinnacle of excellence and a parent with a full time nanny being poor at the role. If his children were being neglected then he would be a poor father, but an arrangement where he does fun things and their mother does the chores, isn't bad parenting, though if not mutually agreed, makes him a bad partner.

Oh I’m confused 😂 you know why - I’ve been up since 6:20.

What about outside of working hours? When husband was at work I was responsible for all parenting. He worked 40 hours a week, I parented alone for 40 hours a week. The rest was split.

Then you were being selfish. You didn't plan for your DC in an emergency because monopolising parenting for your own image was more important to you than what would happen to them. You did it to justify your role, it had nothing to do with your children.

I really dont think in this modern climate, where children will be used to seeing their friends Dad's chip in, that this set up is at all healthy.

I have no problem with SAHM's to be clear, just with Dad's telling children 'you are not my problem, go away'. Or the lessons it teaches girls.

@IButtleSir this comment makes no sense. I’m not blaming anyone. Some mums are shit some dads are shit. My question is why would either a mum or dad put up with the other parent not pulling their weight.

The most I have to tell DH is what she's having for dinner, and that's only cos usually I've done lunch and he was at work so didn't see what she had. He can do everything else, even if it's different to "my way", it gets done and she's happy.

I think you are possibly describing a poor husband rather than a poor father?

The father is pretty confident all his children's needs are being met well, by the person he trusts to do it best. And he can then meet other needs like feeling loved, safe etc.

I know someone like this from my circle. The husband won’t even give the toddler breakfast whilst the wife showers. I honestly just think what is even the point in him.

She is obviously not that bothered if, as OP states, she is planning on having more kids with him.

This comes across as she wants lots of kids and he doesn't, but he is willing to do the job if she gets on and looks after them. She wants them, she deals with them.

Not saying it's right or wrong, but either way she knows his attitude to the first one, it's unlikely to change for the any of the next 6.

No

To me this does count as 'helping in the night'...because it's within the constraints of BF. And exactly what a partner should do in this situation.

I suggest she tells him she's unhappy with the set up and if he doesn't pull his weight the set up will change drastically.

It's not on her to change his behaviour but it's entirely on her whether she continues to put up with it, therefore allowing him to treat her like a skivvy.

She plans to have multiple more children with him

And this doesn't sound like a good mum. Bringing more children into the world with crappy dads is selfish.

Parenting is the job of both parents.

Yes that sounds unbalanced, but still fairly dependent on the situation. It is perfectly possible to look after a baby every night by yourself. Huge numbers of parents do. Personally I’d rather be up with the baby than enormous numbers of other jobs. If the mother hates it and would rather do some of the other work then surely they can do that?

I don’t think it’s a problem when one parent is a SAHP and one parent is working. Both parents are equally contributing to the family.

The working parent cant ask the other parent to chip in with providing money when he’s tired or needs more money.

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos, @Rastyopolis- how to you suggest a woman force a grown man to do something he's unwilling to do? Don't blame women for not forcing men to be a less shit partner and father. It's a man's responsibility not to be a shit partner and father.

I assume you are happy in your life, as I am in mine.

DH does all of that stuff and condensed his work hours to be and to do the same amount of childcare in the week as me (I did the same after mat leave).
He didn't do a lot of night wakes for the first year because he was at work and I wasn't, and ds was BF. He did use to take over until about 11:30 (I'd go to bed at 9 if I was tired) give an expressed bottle, I found it hard to pump so there was no option of doing multiple a day, and he'd get up earlier than he needed to in the morning so he was ready for work before ds woke up in the morning and could take over until he needed to go to work around 8/8;30. I could always have a coffee/shower in the mornings, he also used to get ds up and out on a Saturday morning so I got a lay in. I don't begrudge that I did anything between 11;30 pm and 6:30am.